My SD called and wished me a Happy Mothers Day. I was very touched because we have had a rough time of it. My SS did not, but I decided not to worry about it. My kids bought me a flower and a card for the 1st time. They are 16 and 11. They were with their Dad, but came to spend the day with me. My Ex never reminds them or offers to take them shopping, so I was so surprised that I received anything this year. My 11 yr old even told me that he spent his own money on the flower!!! I was very happy just to spend the day with them.

Sorry all - it's been a crazy week with little time for me! Thank you all for your responses; I think you all hit the nail on the head with regard to the manipulation, and SD saw that. She was not impressed. I think part of her wanted to spend the day with "the person who is more her mom than her mom will ever be" (her words) but even more I really think she wanted to send a message that BM doesn't get to be busy or have other plans that don't include SD every weekend, but then expect SD to come running on Mother's Day. So, when Sunday rolled around she texted her mom to say Happy Mother's Day and ask why BM wasn't going to see HER mom. BM replied with "why aren't you coming to see yours?" and thus the war began. She and SD went back and forth with SD telling her she was hurt that she was not asked to be a part of the 4 day long birthday celebration BM had (little sis was) BM responded that SD makes her feel bad so she didn't want her around to ruin her special time. That set SD off, and she said "Yep - because I'm the only one who calls you out on your selfish behavior, all your friends just accept it." This resulted in a bunch of "you're selfish, no YOU'RE selfish" comments that were really quite funny. BM just can't see her own irony in saying "You make feel feel bad and you give me a hard time and you make me questions myself - YOU are so selfish, SD" is BM being selfish herself. . . because it's all about HER!! Every statement is about how SHE feels! They ended the conversation with SD saying she would likely be busy all day and hanging up. BM texted later to say she could come get SD, but she declined. I feel badly for BM in my heart of hearts, but pretty much I am proud of SD. I know a point was not made and BM only sees that we "raised a horribly selfish, spoiled child" not the true reasons why she didn't see her daughter, but it was a big step for SD. I'm just afraid of the fall out. . . .

My mom would have said no because she hates BD and often makes things worse by not thinking things through. I would have allowed dd to stay a couple more hours. Granted the drive isn't far. Not a big deal. Honestly from a BM perspective, I think mom's who make it impossible for a child to have extra time or impossible to agree to changes is really showing that they are jealous that they don't want their child participating with 'the other' families. I felt this way a long time ago. Lol I remember the first weekend of our seperation was devastating. It was a Thursday and the judge allowed BD to have dd Friday night- Sunday night because his parents had come in to town to support him through 'this rough time'. I did not get along with my ex inlaws. So when I found out the ENTIRE family was in town... I flipped. I stormed over there, demanded my dd back (not my time to have her) but then when BD was bringing her out, she was bawling (she was 4) I don't want to leave mommy my cousins are here!! I miss them! We're going swimming! Mommy!! I just broke down, I sat in the drive way crying (feeling sorry for me). I didn't want to go home alone. I didn't want to get divorced. He filed on a Tuesday, the following week we were in court on Thursday, this was Friday or Saturday. I had no idea BD wanted a divorce so I was just in complete shock. I let her stay. I felt like such a fool. So embarrassed how I acted. It only proved to his family how right they were about me. And that ate me up even more. I was so 'jealous' they were having family fun and I was no longer included. I changed quickly. I still sometimes feel a 'pang' of jealousy but it never goes further than a stab at the gut and I move on. So being in those same shoes I can see what people (mom's and dad's alike are guilty of this) are doing it and identify it. I don't think it's healthy. It's the most unhealthy thing for a person to walk around like that. And what neither grandma nor BM realize is they are hurting SD. She probably sulked all the way home. I often wonder if DD treats dad and SM the same as she treats me when she doesn't get her way or what she wants... I know I say yes more than they do. I hope she does though. I sometimes hate how they get 'special' treatment by dd just because she isn't around them much. It's ok to disrespect me and to whine an yell at me when she doesnt get what she wants ... But towards them she accepts their answer and says nothing back to them... But I deep down know it's because she isn't comfortable with them. I guess I'm ok with that. I actually enjoyed sharing that story because it reminds me how much I've grown in 6 1/2 years :)

I agree with JMT. Also food for thought.... If she originally agreed in an email to 6 pm and now states that won't work for her, how is that handled? I mean... Obviously either one of you can say, this doesn't work for me, I would like to go by the court order. I don't know... I'm just thinking here. We kind of had a situation like this a long time ago. BD could 'opt' to the expanded visitation but had to do it a the time the order was rendered. He didn't opt for it because she was little and he didn't think she should spend school nights with him since she was in kindergarten. All of a sudden one day, I get an email that states I'm opting for expanded visitation and will be picking dd up from school starting today on Thursday nights. I did go through the roof. We agreed it wasn't a good plan. The drive to her school in rush hour traffic on Friday mornings from his house would take almost an hour and a half. And what hurt me the most was that I didn't send her to school thinking she would be going home with him and not returning until Monday morning. We had never been apart for longer than 2 nights for the entire 6 years that she was alive. I went straight to the school picked her up and took her home. Called BD and left him a message saying I had her in my possession and that he could not opt to change his visitation so far in to it. It had to be done at the time of the order. He called the police. They came out. I showed them my papers, of course they said 'can't get involved' but they wanted to try to talk to him and get him to understand what the order says. Apparently SM was telling him it said one thing and he didn't even READ the order or understand it. Didn't even have it on him. That eventually was changed this year (4 years later) and he does have the expanded visitation but it had to be changed by the courts, not by him. He was slapped pretty hard on his little hand by the judge who apparently didn't appreciate a parent emailing and stating OH BY THE WAY... She told him, you agreed to this, now you want to change to this... Which is fine, but you do not have the power to change the order. You don't want me telling you when you will see your child, should not have gotten a divorce. (harsh but a true reality). As soon as we got divorced we had to accept that forever (until 18) that someone else would be deciding what is in the best interest of the child, since apparently getting divorced universally means, two parents who 'agreed' at one time can no longer agree on what they think is right or best. Isn't it funny how that happens. I'm really thinking if she wants to go back on her agreement, she is going to have to take him to court to change it. But since she seems stubborn and you each have a different interpretation of what the order means or says, court might be best. As far as the police, I learned from situations like this that calling the police is a huge no no to the courts. They can not do anything for you or her except protect you if you are in real danger. So don't do the same as her and call the cops. She refuses visitation or any of that, document it, gather enough info so you have enough to show she is no longer working with you but don't involve the police unless you are in real danger. One of the problems with involving the police to work out order disputes is that their involvement is not necessary and it is unnecessary stress on the child. I remember one time, they called the police and my daughter was hysterical. The police came in and asked what was going on. I was refusing to allow DD to go with then gf/now SM to take dd because it was not BDs weekend to have her. She 'stopped' by and thought she would surprise BD with a weekend with dd because he was missing her. Well I told her, it is not his weekend, I don't know you, I have not spoken to him, if he wants her he needs to call me. Not only that but the last time I had spoken to BD he told me they had broken up... I had not heard any different. It was just such a mess and SO embarrassing. There were three cop cars at my house and the neighbors were all outside. Omg what a mess... The only one that was truely effected was dd.