One day DH, DS, SD and I were on our way to an amusement park when SD and DS started talking about something that led to a siblings discussion. SD says "I only have 1 sibling". DH says "ummmm....no. You have 2. T----?" SD says "well, I meant real sibling". DH says "T---- is your "real" sibling, too. Same as B----. Both are "half" siblings to you". She said "oh, yeah".

B---- is her mom's daughter by her current husband. T---- is DH's son from a previous relationship.

It just goes to further prove how she's been brainwashed ever since her sister was conceived. As a matter of fact, that's why she started calling SF "daddy" when she was 7 (she is 14 now). They told her is was so the baby wouldn't be confused. Then, she started having to buy SF a Father's Day gift every year. Last year, the only time she came for a visit (other than the wedding which didn't count because we left right away to go out of town), BM, SF and the sister brought her and she got to stay for a whole 36 hours while they were on their way to visit SF's family for a week.

I find it unacceptable ashley and your DH MUST file for scheduled visitations. I know it is nothing you can do, but why doesn't he file? i know BM makes it tougher but there are courts and laws!!! How could he tolerate that? how ridicilous. and these "real" siblings concept? awful

Our two boys, 8 and 5, have known that Sissy went to see her mom EOW since they were born, and we've never talked much about about it . . . it was just an accepted 'thing.' Recently, when SD stopped going to see her mom it came up, and I explained that Daddy was married to Sissy's mom before me and they had Sissy, then he and I had them. . . that's why she went to see her mom EOW. They both mulled that over and the youngest said "Oh - I thought she came from BOTH your tummies!" After I cracked up I asked the oldest who he thought gave birth to Sissy, and he said SD's best friends mom!! :-)

I guess it shows you that if you don't put any weight on the whole step/half relationship the kids won't either. BUT - it's probably a good idea to clarify who came from where!!

Thanks pseudo...I wouldn't have felt hijacked, LOL. These posts from you and ashley just prove my point on this subject.

and I'm with FD, the real vs. not real sib concept is awful. BMs out there, don't teach your kids this. But you know, I come from the "Yours, Mine and Ours" school of thought, yuk yuk.

@FD - I know! I agree wholeheartedly! I've tried to be helpful (without overstepping) in every way possible. I don't know why he hasn't tried harder. I guess he thinks he's going to lose his daughter no matter what he does. And that might really be the case.

How's this for depressing.... DS goes to the same school SD did when she was his age (SD is 4 years older than DS). They have a project they do every year and have done for several years. It's kind of a big deal as DS has been working on his speech since November. Last night was the big presentation night. DH and I were there and then X and X's GF showed up. DS did his speech, and I could see DH was so proud of DS for all the work he did. In that same moment, I saw DH's face fall and he turned his head. I asked him later why he was upset, and he said that he realized that SD must've done the same thing, but never knew about it and was never invited. Even though she was with him every single weekend until they moved in March 2008.

It's all part of the brainwashing that's been going on at least since I've known them.

@Lamom - I do, too! This is why DH and I are planning to not have more children. And Nivea's response (however honest it may be) is exactly how I see things going if we were to have more children. The "bond" isn't in the blood.

ashley, the fact that it doesn't work in other people's families doesn't mean you should be afraid to have children, if you raise them as siblings and teach them how to treat each other then they will be real brothers and sisters. If you consider having children, do not hesitate because other people have difficulty navigating between their children. I bet you your son would love to have a little brother/sister at home.

Ashley, don't let my story discourage you. FD is right, if you, DH and importantly, the BM of your skids work to raise them like brothers and sisters they will be. Just decide that, enlist DH and the BM as early as you can. This did not happen with my skids, trying to integrate the families was taken on by me with disasterous outcomes.

If you want more kids, have them with your eyes open. Teach them to love/like each other instead of being competitors and I think it will work out. I've seen happy blended families, just not around this board :)

I think ashley's SD's BM is very much created situation when integration is nearly impossible. To my understanding BM is very difficult. How sad.

Martha, that's a great story. You know, with all of the talk of half sibs and step sibs, DS7 doesn't completely understand the relationships and really doesn't think "this is my 1/2 whatever." He just knows he has a grown big brother and sister. It's the adults putting all the heaviness and negativity on our situation.

"He just knows he has a grown big brother and sister. It's the adults putting all the heaviness and negativity on our situation."

exactly!!! all this "less" and "not real" and "half" is sickening to me. and most certainly this attitude comes from parents, not children themselves