So your DH has let his mother raise his son for four years and now he's letting you raise his son. It's sad that it is so easy for DH to let others take care of his responsibility for him.

You have done way more than anyone should expect and it's time for your husband to step up the plate.

I would sit down with your DH and tell him you need help. If he can't give his time then he needs to pay for help. If SS has ADHD he needs to get an IEP or some other kind of help set up through the school system. Take him to the doctor, see what they recommend, medication, counseling, etc.

Ten years old is way too old to still be wearing pull ups. Sorry you are going through this, but no, you did not sign up to take care of someone else's problem. It's no wonder you are getting frustrated.

I'm not as generous as Amber is.

So you've been with DH eight yrs? This child was two. He's ten now. BUT EVERYBODY is to fault/blame for the way this child has been raised/cared for. Mom dumped him. Bad BM. Grandma raised him then on. Bad Gma. Dad travels while all while this goes on. Good Dad?

Surely during these last eight yrs you witnessed and/or knew every bit of this child's upbringing, caretaking, and possible ADHD. So, where was the concern and intervention from Dad while all this was going on? What exactly did you think was going to change and be different after you said 'I do'?

Anyway...take the child to his dr and discuss the bed wetting. There is actually 'help' in this department. Second, who diagnoised the child with ADHD and what is his treatment plan? Is there one? How did the child get to the 4th grade if no one but now YOU was working with this child and his school education/ studying skills? What is being done for this child during his school hours as far as his classroom setting and teachers?

For the record, I'll add not every ADD/ADHD child has a speck of trouble with grades and/or fuctioning in the school setting. Depends on many factors. My own child has ADHD and no one would notice if they had not been informed nor has my child ever recieved a grade lower than a B-plus (twice since kindergarden and child is now in 7th grade)...matter of fact she has always made the A honor roll except for the one semester where it was A/B honor roll. I don't spend hours doing her homework. Never have, never will. She was taught early on in self discipline in 'shutting off distractions'. It gets OLD to me to hear someone assume ADD/ADHD is a terrible handicap and especially when it's followed by hearing a parent use it as a crutch to make excuses. Just my little lecture from my band wagon for the day. There may be much more going on with this child then ADHD and I suggest someone (DAD) finally take the time to have this child properly eval'd and diagnoised. Child may have ADHD on stop of other physical/mental things going on. It's a lot to deal with for a child to be dumped from upbringer to upbringer, home to home...this is kid's at least third upbringer and home in like five yrs (Bm's, to Gma's to now you)

Now back to your issue. Again, have DH set up appointments to get a complete review of exactly what's going on. Has the child seen a therapist for his bouncy childhood? You also stated Dh can't 'parent' his own child without basically a step by step guideline instruction book. here's a thought, your husband himself may be an adult ADD/ADHD person himself. Or is it husband would just prefer to continue to let other's raise and worry about his own child?

You realize, right, that when you've had enough of trying and trying all by yourself and failed...because YOU CAN NOT DO THIS ALL BY YOURSELF NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY NOR WHAT YOU ACTUALLY TRY... that your current situation will end (and end poorly for you). Husband will be off to find caregiver #4 to do his parenting duties. He has not parented this child in ten yrs. If you have a child yourself with this man, do you actually expect him to suddenly stand-up and be a proper parent to yet another child?

Ditto what the others have said--you're not going to get anywhere until the father is on board. It is very easy to dislike the child, don't fall into that trap, they are there because the caregivers in their life have failed them. You need to have some serious discussions with Dad and see if he is going to step up to the plate. One thing that I want to warn you about is video game addiction, something that I am dealing with right now. It can start with TV and video game babysitting, and can progress to something that is extremely hard to deal with. If you look online for stories of video game addicts, you will see what I mean. I personally think that many kids labeled ADD or ADHD are that way because their parents let the TV/Videos babysit them when they are young, and they don't know how to entertain themselves, or even just THINK without outside stimulus. Do what you can, but at some point you have to let go of responsibility. Very hard to deal with.