Posting again so soon-about driving

15 years ago

I have a question for all of you. My stepchildrens mom barely sees them. She called the other day to make arrangements for visitation today. Me and the kids had plans to go to my nieces birthday party, which was one town away from their moms house. So I told the mom what time the party would be over and that I could drop the kids off after. I have never been to her new home so I told her I would call her on the way and get exact directions.

So I was on time and called her on the way. No answer and it was her cell phone. I still continued driving in that direction figuring I would get in the vicinity of her home and then she would call back and give me the exact address. I knew within blocks of where her home was. So we got near her home and I again tried calling her cell because she has no home phone. Again no answer.

So I drove home with the kids. My DH had to go into the office today so he was not with. 20 minutes after we got home their mom called and said she did not hear her cell ring. I told her we were now home and she could come get the kids. She then told me she had no vehicle because her man took it for the day. I told her I had no plans to go out that way again but we would be home all day so she could come whenever.

I called DH at the office and he sounded upset. So I asked him what he thought I should do and he said I should have just driven them because it was for them, not their mother. I feel like I already went out of my way for her. She knew the time I would be calling and she should have had her phone near her. Why should I load up the car again and trek back over there? DH told me that I could do what I wanted. So I did not drive them. Their mom did call back and is supposed to be here in about an hour to get them.

Do you think I am wrong for not driving back there a second time?

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Comments (5)

lovehadley
15 years ago
"Do you think I am wrong for not driving back there a second time?"

No. You told BM what time the party would be over, so there is really no excuse for her to have not been available to take your call, or at least call you back within a few minutes. Sure, maybe she didn't hear the phone ring, but you would think she would have been keeping an eye on the clock and expecting a call from you. If I am expecting a call, I make sure my phone is WITH me.

I don't blame you for not driving back a second time. I don't think I would have, either. Maybe that makes me a b*tch but it just seems---this is BM's visitation and you were already doing her a favor by bringing the kids to HER. There is no need for you to go out of your way again because she messed up. JMO.
imamommy
15 years ago
Nope. If your husband wants, he could have left work to drive them back. You did more than you really needed to anyways. She is their mother and if she wants her kids, she'll come get them. If she knew you were going to be in thea area to bring them to her, she should have been waiting by her phone or call you to keep up with where her kids were and when you'd be bringing them by.

You can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make her drink. Eventually, if she gets thirsty enough, she'll find her own way to the water.
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believer
15 years ago
You told her that you would call her while on your way to her home so she should have had her cell phone on her, waiting for your call. I would not have made a second trip and because I'm kind of bi^chy about that kind of thing I think it would be a long time until I made the trip again, if ever.

If my DH would have been upset with me about this he would have slept on the couch. While should you be expected to make an extra trip because BM can't be responsible to have her phone on her.....I would not be surprised that she if she slacks off in other areas too. If it was just a mistake....those things happen....better luck next time. Saying that "it is for the children" is an attempt to lay a guilt trip on you, IMO. If you choose to do it then fine. But to be pressured into it by having DH try to lay a guilt trip on you is not right. Let the biomom act like one and DH should talk to her about "doing for the children" if he has a problem with how things turned out.

....in a bit of snippy mood in case you can't tell. LOL
disengaging
15 years ago
No of course you shouldn't have had to drive them back. If DH wanted them to visit their mom that badly, maybe he should arranged to drive them himself. You attempted to do a favor and went out of your way to do it. Visitation is the responsibility of the children's parents. (In my personal opinion, of course.)

However, I personally would have never gotten in the car and started driving without being provided with, and writing down the exact address--and coding it into my GPS for turn-by-turn directions. For good measure, I would have also routed the course on Mapquest and printed out the directions. I would have have ASSUMED that she either would not answer her phone or that she would be in the middle of another call when I tried to reach her! In fact, I would have been very surprised if she actually HAD answered!

And that would have had nothing to do with BM either, it's just I've gotten lost more times than I care to count and live by the rule" If something possibly can go wrong, it will! So I take precautions to ensure it won't.

When she didn't answer, if by some strange chance I hadn't taken those precautions, I probably would first have called my husband to advise him and see whether HE might have the address, or possibly knew someone else he could call who might know her number and get it for me. If not, then unless I absolutely HAD to get home, I would have tried to find a nearby McDonald's, Target, park or other place to kill some time while continuing to attempt to contact her. Before returning home, I'd probably call my husband one last time to see whether he had come up with any ideas, and if not, oh well, then I'd give up and go home.

But I probably would have never agreed to do it in the first place because I would have automatically played this entire scenerio in my head the very second I was asked, and would have declined.
mom2emall
15 years ago
Your skids bm sounds like my skids bm!! She just can never be responsible. My dh used to go out of his way and say it was "for the kids". Eventually he got tired of it and of making excuses for bm. Now it is our way or no way.

You are compltely right not to go back out. You called her at the arranged time. Then you drove near her an called again! And again she did not hear her phone?

Sounds like she was not all too worried about seeing her kids. And I agree that if your DH wants someone to be her errand runner then he should have left work and done it himself!

You can not allow anyone to walk all over you because it will become a habit!

Posting again so soon-about driving

Comments (5)

lovehadley

imamommy

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