Can't Accept My Stepson
TheNewMomma
21 years ago
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angel18515
17 years agolast modified: 9 years agolaurels4u
17 years agolast modified: 9 years agoRelated Discussions
My husband is mean to my little boy (his stepson)
Comments (41)I am having the same problem , i know my husband for 7 years but married a year and half my son was 7 when we met, he decided to call him daddy but he was okay and he started treating my son badly, i left in 2019 for him to get help, he did and we got married in 2020 he was good to my son in the entire 2020 till our marriage in dec 2020 my son got on very well with him then we moved into a house he bought and then the nonsense started he shows no love and reprimands my son all the time and we have to walk on egg shells with him, he treats my son badly and says i dont shout at my son or reprimands him which i always do and give him the rope to discipline him, but nothing my son does or say is right in his eyes, i left in may 2022 and he still is picking on my son ,but even he did go for counselling but nothing has changed i cannot expose my son to this, because i choose my son all the time, and i will always, my son is 12 now, and he does not want to ever see my husband again and he said he will never ever call him dad he has damaged my child and therefore i will never go back, he is toxic and a narcissist, he has uprooted my son and my life so many times and i have had enough and i am done, i love my child too much to allow him to treat him this way, i love my husband as well, but at the end what is the sense in having a house but not a home.My son is my life and i will not allow anyone to treat him that way, i dont deny my son does things and is naughty as well, but to be treated like you always wrong is not on, my son talked about suicide as well, so that we can be happy and that pushed me over the edge,i wont lose my child to a man, i also have cancer and he is the one that is aggravating my cancer because i stress so much what is he doing to my son, we are emotionally abused by this man, he walked away from 2 marriages because of the children and by the way it way his own so there is no way he will tolerate mine. any advise for me...See MoreWhere to begin . . . not sure I can stand my stepson
Comments (1)As a parent of a teenager with adhd I totally sympathize with you! Its not easy when its your own biological child...dealing with a stepchild like that is even harder!! We don't medicate, which makes things more difficult. I used to be against counseling, but we finally tried it because I was nearly to your point and it was my biological child! It was not a quick fix, but over the last year being in counseling has improved things a lot. The counselor (actually psychologist) meets with me and my son and he talks to him about whats going on and gives him imput. He also talks to me alone and gives me strategies to use at home to help deal with some behaviors and change others. One thing I can say is that with a kid with ADHD you can not pick them apart. Pick a behavior or two you really want to change and start with those. Some things you really have to let go. Remember that ADHD keeps them from processing everything. So sometimes when you are repeating things over and over again and getting frustrated they really didn't even hear you because they were focused on something else you said or something else that was going on. Give simple directions and never more than one direction at a time. Give lots of praise, but make it meaningful. And try to keep your patience....See MoreJealous of my stepson
Comments (7)Ok.. since everyone else has completely beat you down i have to put my two cents in. i understand how you feel and i understand that you can't control how you feel in your heart. My boyfriend has two girls and they really like me.. i know i'm lucky considering what other women go through and the horror stories on here. i will admit i favor one of the girls over the other. One is easy going (kid A)and the other is in constant need of attention and is not as kind hearted as the one i favor (kid B). You know the kind.. she loves the mirror and she's quick to stick her tongue out at times.. basically the girl i hated in high school. i tend to notice that her Dad seems to like her better, although he would never admit it! Anyway, with me, i'm the problem child. i'm the selfish one because even though i am giving of my time and taking on a SITUATION and i'm good to them equally, i still consider myself selfish at times because every now and then i feel very jealous of kid b.. and only kid b. If it was just easy going kid A, i would have no problem with her. But when i see my boyfriend cuddling and adoring Kid B i want to cringe and vomit at times. i know a lot of this stems from my own dad not being the psychologically correct dad that actually plays with his kids, talks about their feelings and their kid life with them. My dad would do anything for me, but not once did we play catch or monopoly or anything that was all about me. Ok, one time we had a daughter/father day but that was it. My mom must have said something to him. So now that i'm a grown woman and i finally found a great guy i feel pretty pissed off occasionally that his kids take so much of his adoration and attention and i'm not the one and only apple of his eye.. even though i KNOW IT'S THE RIGHT THING FOR HIM TO DO. i wish he had a son instead of two girls, so that i could not be so aware of attention games that girls often throw out there. We are going on 5 years now and i had hoped that i could shake this disease of mine. It's gotten better, but you know, we live in a new world of mixed families and it's a new struggle. You probably just want your man all to yourself.. as do i. But i just tell myself that i am probably in their lives for a reason (i treat them better than their mom)and maybe i'm here to clear out some old karma. It's not the worst thing that could happen and the more you focus on it, the worst it will get. If i continue to have issues i will go to a psychologist. i also want to start meditating again and just focus on being good and doing the right thing, because maybe this situation is here to make me a better person. i just wanted to reach out to you because, hey, i get it. i know what you're feeling. When i try to talk to my best friend about it, i get responses like the ones above.. "you're being a jerk". But you don't grow up and become numb.. you are always growing. When you feel jealous, take a breather and do something nice for yourself. Also i find that it's a good remedy to spend time alone with the girls after i've pulled myself together. And third if i lose my cool with them, i think it's ok to let them know that i never said i was perfect, i say something like, "you know, i'm sorry i snapped at you, i'm just having a bad day today." Create your own situation.. and think of him as a child you were both meant to nurture. Good luck.You are not a bad person.. probably just got hurt somewhere in your life that has nothing to do with your step son. Try patting yourself on the back on occasion because a lot of people would not be strong enough to be a step parent. Look for the root of your problem and deal with that head on. Also, if you aren't getting the attention you need from your man, that is a whole other issue that you will need to take up with him. In the real world, ppl are not all consumed with our problems and sometimes people raise kids in a way that makes them think they are the center of the earth. Those people are the ones you can't stand working with. They are the ones that say incredibly obnoxious things. And even though we should spend a great deal of time with children, it does not mean you should not have adult time to yourself or with your husband as well. In addition, it wouldn't hurt to talk things out with him and possibly get a pat on the back from him too. Some parents think nothing of spending 24/7 w their kids and over look the fact that maybe that's not your ideal way to spend the day. Best of luck to you. And here's a couple pats on the back from me!...See Morecan't stand step-son
Comments (15)@ parent of one: i know that smacking his bum was not the best choice but given the cirucumstances it was all i could think of to get it through his head that he'd better not do that again. and he hasn't so i guess it served it's purpose. other than that i think i will just continue to step back and keep my distance if possible. i have already done the parenting courses. i have also been attending the odd lecture when they come up. there is a support group i could attend but DH does not want to go, and he does not want me to take the kids even if there is childcare there and i am hesitant to leave him with all the children for the amount of time it would take to get there and be back because he is lacking in the patience department. he also will not go to any type of parenting group or agree to have anyone come into the home and 'tell him how to raise his kids' as he puts it. i realize that SS is too young to be given up on but don't want to be the one who has to deal with it. i will be nice to him and help him with things if i need to but i'm not goint to volunteer to do it if he doesn't ask me. he is not all bad. he spent about half an hour sitting on me today and hugging my neck while i was watching a movie. that was nice. @mom of 4. dh does not really listen to me. i have tried to show him things i've learned at parenting courses and he always says okay he'll try it but if he does it's once and then that's it. i can't even get him to go to the dentist regularely nevermind a therapist. he has his own issues which is why i was handling everything with SS on my own as well as most of the other kids although he does have alot more patience and understanding for the other 2 younger kids....See Morecopiano23
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