The married daughter (34 years old) recently asked her father to purchase $11,000 breast implants for her. He paid for them and the whole experience has been really upsetting to me. She had us babysit her (very sickly one-year old son) who was quite sick and passed his upper respiratory infection to me (making me sick for 1 1/2 months with a sever sinus infection that would not go away. She was constantly calling her father saying she was in terrible pain and could he babysit her children while she went to numerous dr.'s appointments re: her new breat implants.

Since this event, her son has passed his infections onto me everytime I am around him. He is highly contageous and even if I do not touch him, I get sick. My husband, who is not careful with handwashing, etc., holds him, kisses him, etc. and passes his germs to me.

I have been sick almost on a monthly basis with terrible illnesses, bronchitis for 2 weeks and so on. I have refused to be around the family because of this and feel that I cannot be with them until the child's health improves. The parents expect my husband to babysit frequently and I have been sharing in this role. I have no children and cannot tolerate the screaming, destroying the house, etc. that go with young children. The parents say they will be out for an hour and return 3 1/2 hours later. I am a frazzled wreck at that point. I feel that I should not have to babysit my husband's children which I don't anymore but fear when the child's health improves, they will expect me to help with babysitting.

I have also found the daughter and husband to be very inconsiderate and obnoxious when over at our house. I dread being with them which will happen at some point in the future. Extensive counseling has not helped me.

I would like to share my experiences with a woman with similar problems marrying a widower with adult children and grandchildren that has never been married before and does not have children. My husband will never have a child with me because of admittedly selfish reasons. I accepted this fate because I do not want children either, but on the other hand, do not want to deal with his.

Anyways, she never had any children of her own and she married my grandfather past childbearing age. I was still around 10 when they married. She never really liked children (I realize this more as I am older). What she would do is plan activities for us kids and invite my parents along too. A day at the zoo, an afternoon at the movies, etc. Then she would plan dinner parties that were "adult only". Now that I am older and married with children she does the same with me and my children. She has never mader herself and my grandfather available as babysitters, but they did live an hour away from us so it was not easy for my parents to just drop me or my siblings off to run errands.

I do have to say that it is normal for grandparents to babysit though, I always found my grandparents situation a little odd. If you feel your dh is babysitting too much tnen talk to him about it. But, you did marry a grandfather and do need to let him be a grandfather. Seperating him from his children or grandchildren will not be productive to a healthy relationship.

What I'm suggesting is you try to get a grip on your feelings and identify the substantial aspects of your gripes......and then do something about them. Make your husband wash his hands frequently and gargle, and better yet talk with a health care professional about protective/preventive measures, including how you can build up your immune system to fight against common viruses. Go to see a doctor when you're not feeling well so you'll be able to identify your health issues and get medication. (Perhaps you did but you didn't mention it.) Also, make yourself and hubby less available by planning activities for the two of you, even if it's just a movie or the ballet a couple times a week......and conveniently on the weekends LOL. Maybe plan a weekend getaway once or twice a month. It would be very wrong of you to try preventing him from babysitting his grandchildren. He has grandchildren, loves them, and likes babysitting. You simply have to accept those facts, and the only thing I find weird or creepy in your post is that you have a problem with him keeping his grands. However, you don't have to accept him becoming (and making you become) a slave to his daughter's whims. You are entitled to a life with your husband, so there's nothing wrong with you curbing the babysitting to some degree. When she calls, at least some of the times make sure he can tell her the two of you already have plans.

I have also found the daughter and husband to be very inconsiderate and obnoxious when over at our house.

You don't explain that but again, I wonder what you do about it. Counselor for you cannot affect their behavior, so what do you do when they are disrespectful to you? Is your husband aware?

"...I doubt that bronchitis is contagious but may result from respiratory infection such as a cold, which tells me you didn't go to the doctor because bronchitis is usually quickly reversed with antibiotics. "

Bronchitis can be EXTREMELY contagious, and antibiotics are not generally recommended to cure it since it is viral. Your recommendations for hygiene and diet are spot on. Keep your body clean, keep your environment clean, and work on building up immunity.

If your adult skids are coming to your house and being obnoxious, you have the right to avoid them or limit their visits. Period. They should show you respect or not come around and your DH should back you up on this. Their child status does not trump your wife status. All wives, current and ex, bio and step out here will agree if they are honest.

If the grands are sick all of time as little kids can be, you should avoid them, be out when they come, or ask DH for some limits on when they are around. It's your home with DH, not the grands and not adult skids. Let's get a reality check around here! Little kids are definitly the carriers of colds and flu, if they are not yours then you don't have to be sick along with them. I'm surprised your DH hasn't finally said send these grandkids over when they are healthy for Jiminy's sake.

If he is as involved with his grands as you say, I agree that it's a good thing. But that doesn't have to include when they are sick. Sick kids are the responsibility of parents first. I have learned that the hard way myself. You don't have to.

On the breast implants, well, if DH wants to foot bills like that, has the money, and it doesn't really rock your financial boat then what the hey? It does sound creepy but that's his no longer "little" girl. If your real issue is that his adult kids still work him as a sugar daddy, then that's something to talk about. Only sugar daddies should buy breast implants I think.

Lizzieb's is new --
-Welcome to the group Lizzieb. It sounds like you're doing your best for your SKids. Just remember to also take some time for yourself -- a 'night off' with a bubble bath, glass of wine and good book perhaps? Or an occasional spa day?