Maybe she likes it that way. Maybe she doesn't want to straighten or curl it. And maybe she doesn't like the way you do makeup. She put her makeup on at school and took it off before she got home, because she didn't want to hear your opinion of it.

I agree though. It just doesn't make sense to me. Why do some of these kids go to extremes to see how awful they can make themselves look? I imaging it's just a bit of a rebellious phase. They want to do anything to ruffle the adults in their lives feathers.

And it works...

If you make a big deal out of it, then you have real problem. I think a lot of what you are criticizing is personal style, maybe she thinks your style looks like an old lady. My sister has 4 daughters and she said they looked like hookers when they first started wearing make up and she advised them once and let them alone and they look fine today. Have you looked closely at the starlets on TV lately, their hair looks like it's dirty and it clumps together, looks awful to me. My son went through the long hair stage and I hated it, but let him keep it. I agree it is a sign of rebellion and maybe wanting to be different. I saw an older lady at the doctor's office and I wanted to tell her she should try out for a part in a horror movie, she could have played the part of a zombie.

well part of the problem lies in the fact that sd has no personal style.... she just adopts whatever comes along, and what came along was the girls that hang with the gangs around here. You want your kids looking like that???
My style is up to date lol. I love make up and I play with all sorts of looks. So I don't have just one set style.
I only showed her how to put it on lightly to enhance what she has not make her look nasty.
Similiar to what they would do should you go in and have a beauty consultant do your makeup at a dept store. You should learn how to do make up somewhere.
If you don't teach them they won't know. Hence the hooker look. lol
The thing is....when she does wake early enough...rarely....she will straighten her hair and fix it. It looks nice when she takes the time.
But if she doesn't want to take the time to look nice, that isn't my problem. It's hers.
She put her makeup on at school because she wore it too dark and her dad didn't like it. He is fine with her wearing NO makeup. He even took her makup away for a time because he didn't like how she wore it.
I am all about looking girly (she is too when it is on her terms) so I would never take a girls make up away lol. Especially in high school.

I have my own opinion on the whole hair and make up issue that I think derives from the fact that my mom never let me do anything...

There are basically only a few years through high school and college that you can do whatever (appearance wise) and look however you want. I dont care what my kids do to their hair or make up (short of bleaching for the girls until they are atleast 16 only because of the long term effects of killing their hair) As long as they are following school rules... I dont care... when else do you have the chance to experiment? You cant on the work force because it affects your chances of being employed and there are always rules on appearance. You cant when you are old because then you are the crazy person just going through a mid life crisis... but being young is trying new things... even if I hate and hope and cross my fingers they will grow out of it.. I support it.

They are young... that is what young was meant for. IMHO

quick clause to the agreement: you can not go out of the house half dressed... there is a limit in there somewhere :-)

Oh I am a full believer in being your own person. That is why I let my son have blue hair for a spell lol...and green and blond...you get the point.
Sd even had pink streaks for a short time.
I don't think if that is your personality that you are ever to old to do things like that. You can still have jobs and have off colored hair etc. I see it all the time. You always should be true to who you are.

wild-

She does have a style that she likes...it's just not yours. I don't necessarily like the way my SD wears her hair either, but hey...it's her hair. She's drop-dead gorgeous, but then does this stringy hair in her eyes "style"...just like all the Hollywood girls and girls in the magazines. It's a passing phase, I'm sure. When she asks me if I like it, I'm honest. I tell her it's not my favorite look on her, but if she likes it, it's her hair and she can wear it like that.

I think she (my SD) is more creative and "daring" with trying new hairstyles now. When she lived with her mom, she wouldn't let her cut it shorter. Mom told her that she wanted SD to look like her, have long hair like her, blah, blah, blah. DH and I have always taken the stance that it's your hair and if you want it long, keep it long...if not, cut it. That's the nice thing about hair; it grows back.

wildthing, it doesn't matter if we are up to date with our style, young people don't think so. No teen girl wants to look like their mom. When I got ready to take some clothes to the goodwill my husband suggested offering them to his girls and they were adults. I just laughed and told him
"they don't want old lady clothes."

wildthing, I agree with everyone else. She doesn't want to flatiron and curl her hair even though you think she looks prettiest this way. This is a phase. If she really looks better that way, she'll get it especially when boys enter the picture.

The make-up thing is about knowing that you and dad won't like the way she wears it at school. My parents didn't allow me to wear make-up except a little lip gloss I bought myself. Since I had no money as a teen, I went without completely. When I got a job as a senior I bought make-up and only wore it at school since I knew they wouldn't like it and the money part was just a control mechanism. It's a phase.

I think sometimes kids do outrageous stuff just to get parent's reaction even if it is negative. They also do outrageous stuff when parents are too controlling, so it is their way of rebellion.

They stop doing stupid stuff if you stop reacting. i could never understand why adults worry about such minor things like hair styles. Unless it is health hazard why do you care how they wear their hair? In a large scheme of things how such minor thing can be important.

Not to say that sometimes I don't worry about little things, I do too. But i relaize it is not the right thing to do. i sometimes hate how DD dresses. It is pretty weird clothes, she is really thin and can afford to wear tight clothes but somtimes her pants are too tight IMHO. And she loves to wear clothes that does not match at all. Like completely. Flolar skirt, military boots, striped sweater and old horrible scarf. I mean weird.

But what i can do? DD loves it like that plus she is the type that does not sweat small stuff, she does not care enough to match her clothes. Then why should i care?

My son wants to grow his hair long. He has thick hair and while it is growing out it gets to that phase where unless he showers before school it looks like a mess! My DH and ex both pressure him to cut it whenever it begins to get long. My son goes along with them and then whines to me about how much he hates his hair cut.

So I made a deal with him. You can grow it long, but you have to look presentable for school and when we go out--even if it means getting up earlier so you can shower. Otherwise his hair sticks up! He agreed and I told my dh and ex to back off the hair issue. I want my son to be able to express himself and try new styles.

My sd's have both tried shorter, longer, and layered haircuts. They both play with make-up. My older sd was just allowed to start wearing it to school this year since she is a freshman. We let younger sd get highlights this year.

Some people do not like my son having longer hair, my sd having highlights, or my other sd wearing make-up the way she does (kind of dark around the eyes with the eyeliner). But they each have their own sense of style and are not hurting anyone with it. How will they know what looks good if they do not experiment with the bad once in a while???

Let your sd express herself, whether it be the plain and simple look or too much make-up look. Eventually she will come into her own and realize what looks good.

I don't think any one here gets what I say.
I would be happy if sd wanted to dye her hair pink or purple or whatever freakin' color under the sun....at least she would be doing something with it.
My whole point was that she doesn't do anything.
She barely washes it.
I guess if that is style....okay.
I was merely trying to make my point more clear with each post, but things have been taken out of context etc.
I don't want her to "look like me" ...we look nothing alike. We could never look anything close to alike. We are like salt and pepper.
That was never the point. But I did say that I like to do my own makup and hair everyday because someone suggested that she may not like my look etc....but I am fairly young for a step mom to a 16 year old. So it's not like I am "trying to be young" and I like that I still look good lol.

Lets see if I can clarify the issues at hand....sd wanted to do the whole makeup and hair thing, as long as it was what her gang friends approved of. I don't know if you all have gangs where you live, but it isn't exactly the type of look one goes for.
Told her no gang friends...so hair and makeup stopped. Dad is cool with that.
We let her know she could still wear makeup within reason.
Apparently it isn't worth getting up an extra 15 mintues for. Again fine with dad (with me to).
The look she was going for, was not going to work out outside of the group of kids she was trying to hang out with.
She has already proven that point by now not having any friends outside of those previous kids which we will not let her hang out with.
We want her to express herself...we encourage her to express herself....just not with the gang kids.
Make anymore sense now????? I wish it was just as simple as some of you want to make it seem lol. OH how we wish it were that simple. Try telling your kids they can't be friends with the gangsters in your area....if you even have them where you live or if they even go to school with your children.
I mean my sd is a blonde haired blue eyed girl....she doesn't fit in with them. But because her cousin was friends with them she mistakenly took that route her freshman year and is paying for it still.
We would love for her to find herself and start being who she is. She is more comfortable having others define her though.
Trying to teach a victim to be strong is difficult. She likes to be a victim. Likes to have people feel sorry for her or "save" her.