Isn't getting enough time

15 years ago

SS is upset that he feels like his dad doesn't spend enough on on one time with Just Him. We have a household that consist of DH and Myself, My three sons and my husbands one son during the week. Every other weekend his sister comes too. So he isn't an only child ever but he wants this alone time.

DH is a trooper when it comes to his son and daughter. He calls SD everyday sometimes a couple times. Kids get home at 3:30. He will on any given night most nights in fact play a game or two of Madden Football alone in SS room, then they will go out to the gym in the garage and workout for an hour or so then he will tuck him in at night laying with him for likely 20-30 minutes every night. So they do all this in a span of 3:30 to say 10:00 every night. SS says he wishes it was like the weekends when DH was living in the appartment upstairs of his parents home. When it was just them and his Grandparents were down stairs. We DH and I had talks with SS seperately. First DH he didn't know what else to say so he sent me in to try to make him feel better. I was wondering what you all have to say that might help. SS is 13, Parents divorced for 3 years, 12 full sister with mom, DH and I married in July together for a year.

Comments (7)

lovehadley
15 years ago
It sounds like this is all still relatively new to your SS. You and your DH have been married for 7 months, together for a year. (or were you together for a year before you got married?)

Either way, that is not that much time in the grand scheme of things and it sounds like SS is just trying to find his place in this new family. Of course he wants/needs that reassurance that he is still just as important to dad as before. I think he is craving this alone time as a way of reassurance.

I think your DH needs to accomodate him as much as possible. It does sound like he's already doing a good job of spending time alone with his son and fostering that relationship. I would just encourage him to keep that up, but maybe you can all make an effort to do some family activities. Go hiking or bike-riding as a family some weekend. If it's cold, go to a movie or bowling. The more ways you can find to ALL spend time together, the more SS will feel comfortable with this new family.

Hang in there and be patient!
cindy_pond
15 years ago
I agree with love in that it would be good to spend as much time ALL together so he can get used to his new family. I think it's natural for him to have some resentments because my ss at 20 only wanted his father and no one else...we had been together since he was 13. Eventually, with time and lots of patience he evolved out of that stage. I think what your DH is doing right now given the fact that there is more than one child living in the house is plenty. I mean if you were all a bio family, the siblings would undoubtedly know that there is just so much time for everyone to feel special not to mention the nurturing of your own relationship. he's just not used to all the change yet.
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nikemama
Original Author
15 years ago
We do do a lot of family things. Heck I took SS deer hunting myself. We Fish like crazy in the summer and lots of other things like that. This past weekend ALL the kids made Pinewood Derby cars because I have Cub Scouts with my two little ones.

It really has been Just a year TOTAL. We have really done a lot of changing over this year so I realize we are going to have Growing Pains, but it is so hard to see one so upset. I told SS to try to start looking at me like a Bonus parent not replacing his mother but just an extra. We really did have a good talk last night. This morning he asked me to help him fix his hair so I guess it did some good.
finedreams
15 years ago
kids need their time with just their parent. SS has to have time alone wiht dad wiht no one else involved.

it is great you guys do things wiht the whole family but he needs just his dad alone too.

and it seems like he gets it, maybe dad can go on some short trips just wiht him wihout you and without your children.

when my niece was born my brother started to take my nephew on short trips just them two for bonding, so my nephew does not feel like he does not get any time along wiht dad. and they are intact family. it is even more important for blended families.

it also sounds like SS didn't have enough time to get used to you, it happened very fast for a young child to comprehend.
nikemama
Original Author
15 years ago
It happen faster then any of us could get use to but we knew we had to be together the commute was killer 70 Miles one way 2 or 3 times a week plus our own life working and kids. we had all these kids and needed a bigger house then the one I had. We didn't want to just "live together" and let the kids think that was okay so we ran with it.

It really has gone pretty good but when DH plays very much with My boys, SS get "poor lit meez!" (sorry that is what my mom called it when I was a kid). It will be okay I am sure.
silversword
15 years ago
Will there ever be enough time? I ask myself this question all the time. I never feel like I have spent enough time with my dd. She wants to be with me 24-7. Very sweet, and very impossible. I have a really hard time balancing my time. I want to be around her too, and do things with her, but it's really hard. I can't imagine having more than one, where there are issues of allotting time for each so they get time alone with me to themselves. How do parents with 10 kids do it???
organic_maria
15 years ago
I think your ss is just reminicing...everything is new..so having your hubby spend a getaway weekend with just him would bea good idea...
Three other boys inthe house sounds crowded to me..so maybe he needs some space thats all.
Do you do family things all together as well?Its sounds like your ss is happy with you , just wants some extra time with dad.
There is never enough time with parents and kids...

Isn't getting enough time

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lovehadley

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Isn't getting enough time

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lovehadley

cindy_pond

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