We have 5 kids and they all do the same thing!!!!!! They are all around that age. The advice I would like to give you is:
1. This is normal for most kids so don't worry.
2. They will eventually grow out of it so don't worry!
3. Do NOT give in when they act this way.
4. Stay constant so they know what you will do when they act this way.
5. If he doesn't want to do his homework, remind him not only of the consequences he will have at home but also the consequences he will have at school. That is the one that really affected my kids because they care so much more about what the teachers think of them than what we think of them :)
Just remember, one day they will be all grown up and we will wish the problems were still this simple!

My SD10 is behaving pretty similar. She just DOES NOT care!
Her room is a total mess and she does not look after her stuff. One of her chores is to clean her room up every other Sunday, and for her that means to chuck everything in the bottom of the cupboard and quickly close the door. Her clothes? She just stuffs them in a drawer and pushes it till it closes. Dirty or clean, all mixed together. As I said; she just does not care. I used to sometimes get in there and do a clean up, when I got too itchy, but now I'm sitting on my hands and I just close the door.

I do check for food leftovers, just in case, because that is another issue, but that is it!! If she wants to wear dirty clothng; be my guest. If she wants to wreck her stuff, not my problem. Once she gets interested in boys I'm sure she'll want to wear something clean, so I guess it will change then. Until then, I keep closing that door!

And with the Sunday cleaning the room chore; we do have a consequence for when SD10 does not do it properly. All chores are a AUD$1.00 and the girls have 5 chores, so 5 dollars per fortnight pocket money. If they don't do the chore; they don't get that dollar. Works like a charm for SD12, SD10 does not give a sh*t. She knows that BM will buy her what she wants anyway. I can't stop or change that; so we just do what we can and stick with our own plan.

And when it comes to crying; I agree with Amber. Do not give in. SD10 cries when she does not get her way; and she cries when she can't find something and we don't help her look for it. We do not go for it. She can go and cry in her room; we don't want to see it, so just close the door and come out when you're done. SD10 has learned over time that we really mean that, and she's doing it a lot less now come to think of it. But the room is still as messy as ever..

Oh and I don't iron her clothes. If she doesn't look after her stuff than I will not waste my time on it either. SD10 knows this and also knows that I'm more than happy to iron her stuff if she can show me that she can put it away normally. And that is not mean-spirited, we're pretty calm and factual about it so SD10 sees that it's not bothering US in anyway.

My children are a bit older, but I see the same behavior. My DD is the exception, she is very neat and organized to the point I think she is OCD sometimes! Why,I'm not sure. But my SD is a totally different story! To say her half of the room is a disaster area is an understatement. It is almost funny to see the two girls trying to co-habitate in the same room! Remember "The Odd Couple"?

When I see it getting bad, this is what I do; I collect everything that is out of place and put it in a pile in the middle of the floor. If the drawers are a mess, they get dumped in that pile too. She is not permitted to do anything else until the things are put away as they belong. To help work with her, I gave her bins to put the things she'd normally just throw all over the top of her dresser. These get cleaned out once they start overflowing, same as the rest.

Now I have recently stumbled upon something with her that we might be able to use to our advantage! She got upset the other day about brother using an item of her clothing, normally she just doesn't give a sh**. It was a belt that SHE had purchased with the money she'd EARNED doing chores. I'm thinking that I might start making her buy her own clothes. It seems that if it's her $ buying things, she takes better care of them. I think I'm going to tell her that if she does not start taking care of her clothes, I will buy her only basic t-shirts, pants, etc. If she wants something more fancy or stylish, she will need to buy it herself. I may even extend that to other items as well.

What do you think? Sound harsh? I'll try just about anything!

Good Idea about the buying accesories, ect. And IRONING??? Ha, that doesn't happen in this house! lol