You can complain to myspace that the photo's are unauthorized but she got them because they were posted elsewhere and once they are 'out there' they can be saved to anyone's computer.. even a pedophile that uses them for personal use. But, you can complain about her posting them on her page and they may delete them or delete her profile but she can make another and as you said, it is a small thing. She probably needs to believe the things she writes because it's easier than admitting she gave up her children. My SD10's mom fought us for 5 months in a heated, contested, very expensive custody trial. Three weeks after trial, she up & moved 3 hours away GIVING us full custody of her daughter. Then has spent the next three years telling everyone that will listen, how we TOOK her daughter and tells her daughter how much she wants her to come live there and we won't let her... and it's all to ease her guilt, make her look like she isn't one of THOSE mothers that leaves her kids, and it really has done a number on my SD, emotionally. (and for the record, giving up custody of your kids does not make you a bad parent.. if it's in the best interest of your kids to be with someone else. In fact, it makes you a good parent if you acknowledge that your making a sacrifice for your kids to have it better elsewhere) She has many problems because of it and if the mom to your stepkids is not tormenting her kids, but just posting for the world to think she would never give up her kids...etc. then consider yourself lucky.

What are you going to do if you talk to a lawyer? Are you going to sue her? Why would you want to waste your money, time & energy on that? If you don't have her butting into your lives all the time, screwing with the kids' heads and if you have a decent relationship with them... then love them, be a parent to them and ignore BM. Don't go to her myspace page... it will only make you angry. Focus on the kids because THEY are what matter. (and yes, I used to go to BM's myspace page & see what she would write.. how she was blissful with her BF, sleeping in, partying all night, etc.... while I am doing HER job. It made me angry too. So I don't go there anymore... cuz I can't change anything and it's not gonna fix things or make them better)

Wise advice from Ima...

BioMom has nothing to give except grief, so let that sleeping dog lie.

Ima,my mother in law made the complaint to myspace today. It was infact her fault that BM was able to obtain the pictures, and now all family members profiles and pictures are private. Yes, I know that once they are "out there" there is nothing I can do, I'm sure she has them saved to her computer and will always have them. As for her having to believe the things she says, it's more of a way for her to prove to her family out of state that she is who "they" think she is. We (my husband and myself) did in fact get it easy where gaining custody was concerned. Dhr/Cps was involved because of some health issues reguarding one of my step sons, with many DHR visits to the home she left them living in and her home, I was granted temporary custody per her request (dad had been trying for 2 yrs before hand) because of his job.A year later my husband and myself were granted full custody with no support and only supervised visitation from her on the first and third sunday of each month (she has never once followed through with a visit). It has since been ammended to no visitation and we have a protective order on her and her husband. My step kids were beaten, threatened with weapons and not fed for over a week the last time they were with their mother over 4 years ago. Not only do we have the protective order but our local ymca, ballpark and their school also have them. She has shown up numerous times and still continues to do so, to all of the above screaming they were kidnapped and are being held hostage. She has even tried to "kidnap" my youngest step son and my own son from walmart and they were in the buggy I was pushing. So in that aspect no we arent lucky as you tell me to consider myself. I know of the emotional damage a BM can do to a child, I see it daily times 3. As I said, I have a 9 yr old who thinks he should be a girl and a 7 yr old who vomits at will to not have to eat. AND FOR THE RECORD... I never in my post accused her of being a bad parent for giving up custody, I simply chose to post a FEW of the bad choices she has made over the years, but I will say now; I think she is a bad parent (not for giving up custody) for how she has emotionally and physically abused her children and allowed others to do the same. I think she is a bad parent because she still allows her husband to abuse her and their child together, instead of seaking help(and before you say I dont understand what an abusive relationship is like, I was in one for 7 years before I met my husband all of my teenage years and into my early 20's, eventually everyone knows enough is enough). Now, you asked why I wanted to contact a lawyer. No, not necessarily to sue her, she has nothing to sue for and she wouldnt show up in court anyways. To have it documented, yes. She shows up and causes enough trouble without aid of pictures at their school, ymca and sports activities ect. It does scare me to think she has updated pictures that she can wave around and them possibly have the chance of seeing. They know she wasnt there and Im unsure of what that could do to their stability, their mental capacities(they have alot to work through as it is) and their all around behavorial issues, even if it's only for that day or week. Do I think she will use them in that manner, yes. So again, no I dont want to sue her. I dont want to waste money we dont have to waste, energy I am completly drained of already or time that I never seem to have either. As for her myspace page, today was the first I knew of her having one and no I dont care to go back to it. All of my focus does now and has for almost 7 years gone into MY KIDS, I do love them and they know it and with their father's job I am 99.999% the only PARENT they have. I do also try and ignore her, I have only one other time fed into her pity party and that was her email, she isnt worth it. But yes, this makes me angry and I feel I have the right to be, as you stated you were doing the job of "your" BM, so am I. I have a myspace page, I dont post pictures (for this reason) of any of my kids, yet here she is posting them, ones she didnt take, from a holiday she was absent from and claiming MY son as her own child also, when she didnt want to be a parent to her own kids. No matter her reason behind it, I cant seem to want to let it lie. And your right, its not going to change or fix thing nor will it make them better, but I cant help how I feel. Maybe this is all too fresh having all happened today, and Im sorry if this post seems rude, but I didnt expect to be reprimanded or attacked for my earlier post and thats kind of how it felt.

Just to clarify -- When I said she has nothing to give, I didn't mean to imply you were trying to get a money award from a lawsuit -- Hope that's not what you thought! (I should have worded it better -- sorry)

I meant only that she appears not to have anything positive within herself for her children right now -- so any contact at all would do no good and might only do harm. Rather than simply staying gone (the best for all concerned), if confronted, she'd probably just stir up the pot.

jack's mom, your post here with the small kids, breaks my heart that these children have had such a hard life. It sounds like they need you very much and they are lucky to have someone pushing and pulling in their corner for them.

I don't think anyone meant to reprimand you, I think yours is just such an extreme case, I know I read your post right after you posted earlier and I ducked out not knowing quit what to say and frankly I was bit afraid of saying something stupid or wrong or just saying something being taken the wrong way. I can not in my worse nightmares begin to even imagine what this woman and her kids have been through and the after affects that the kids will have to deal with for many years to come.

I've only been here since late summer but the longer I'm here the more I've found this forum to be very helpful and full of lots of good ideas and suggestions.

My thoughts and prayers are with your little ones tonight.

this is awful...you are doing such a great job helping these children...this woman just says whatever to make herself look good but people know the truth: she is not their parent at all no mater what pics she posts. you and your husband are their parents.

Jacks Mom,

I sincerely hope you don't think I was reprimanding you or attacking you. I was not. It sounds as if you have been through a lot and in your second post, there is more fact about how her actions have impacted the children.. heartbreaking~

My point is that the more she stays out of your daily lives, the better off the kids will be... getting into an argument with her or involving attorneys to go after her for whatever she does, is only going to engage her into your lives more than she does herself. The things you have said would be a nightmare to me... and my point is that the kids are the ones that need ALL of your attention. Don't give her any of that precious attention that can be directed at them and helping them.

My situation has progressed to the point where I feel the need to disengage from my SD... her mom has screwed with her so much, it only makes it worse for her (and me) when I do anything for her or try to help. (of course, it also gets turned around when I don't do anything... disengaging means I am evil & uncaring)

The side note about her not being a bad mom... I was not implying you ever said she was a bad mom. I came to this board over 2 years ago... angry at SD's mom for leaving her and in my opinion, she was a bad mom. I also agree with you that it wasn't her leaving that made her a bad mom, it was the constant lying to her, emotional blackmail/abuse that she's put her through and generally making it impossible for her to have a relationship with her primary custodians.. DH & I. My SD acts as if she is a visitor in our home and refers to her mom's house as home, though she has never 'lived' there, just visits. She is a very confused little girl because of her mom... I don't know if I could handle the problems your SK's have because of their mom. But my SD goes to her mom three weekends a month. When she's here for two or three weeks straight, without her mom's influence, things get better. Then she goes for a visit & comes back with an "Ima is satan" attitude. I can only imagine that any kid with a parent that does that would do better and be better off with that parent keeping a distance. I admit, I could be wrong about that too...