Your other post referred to a dog...

Allergies can be dangerous to kids so i agree with what your dh is doing.
Sweeby said your other post referred to a dog...so which one is it? dog or cat or both?

I meant dog. My screenname really describes me these days...LOL!

You typed up word "cat" 6 times in this short post, meaning "dog"? Almost in every sentence. I mean I understand one typo, but 6 times?

I was in court today with my EX and the couple ahead of us had 2 cats. The Judge said to get a letter from the dr saying that it was harmful to the child and he would suspend visits to the home until the man fixed the problem. So I guess every Judge is different but that is what MY Judge says about it.

This is weird...

If there is an allergy, then it is up to you to find out just how bad it is. If that is what you want.
Most allergies can be handled.
Even pet allergies can be dealt with.

Allergies can be dangerous...During a long period while I dated DH we lived 200 miles apart. DH wanted me to come and visit him on weekends that my ex-husband had my kids rather than him driving to my hometown and staying in a hotel (yep, I didn't let him stay over LOL)...but DH had a cat and I would end up miserable. Then we all moved in together in DH's town. For awhile I ended up confined to the bedroom but considering the cat had been sleeping in that room for months prior to my arrival, that did no good. I literally ended up with such prolonged issues with allergies that I wound up in the hospital near death with pneumonia. I was there for a week and even then wasn't better but begged the doctor to let me go home because I needed to take care of my children. The cat had to go to a new family...

Pet allergies are very serious. BM's cat (or dog or whatever) needs to go outside or find a new home.

That is why allergy testing is encouraged. Because you don't want to find out you are deathly allergic to anything the hard way.
But if the girl made it through the nite without having to be carted off to the hospital than she will be fine.
It just seems that a pet allergy may being used as a reason to not have the kid go to the other parents. I mean, at least find out how serious the issue really is.
Allergies CAN be handled. Better when they are young than when into adulthood. Because allergy shots can do wonders.

Sd is allergic to cats and dogs. I had cats on my mind today as I posted this because one of my friends was just talking about her kids wanting a kitten they saw at an animal shelter. But it was a dog her mom got.

She was only there for about 24 hours with the dog. And since her mom just got it the hair and stuff was not all over the house and imbedded in everything as it will be soon. So the reaction was less severe. I guarantee that a month or so from now if she were to sleepover with the dog her asthma would go wild before the night is over. We can not even stay at relatives homes that have cats or dogs for long periods because of sd's allergies to them!

byebyemind,

I am a SM and I have a dog. On this one, I can understand why BM is furious. Allergies can be dangerous. However, you and DH do not know yet that SD is actually allergic to whatever kind of pet BM has in her home. I would be furious too if I was told that I couldn't see my own child because you THINK she might have an allergy to my pet. For all you know the allergy may be to a cleaning product or who knows what. It doesn't sound like you and DH know what it is but you are pointing the finger at the cat/dog.

In fact, I think I would be livid. What kind of dog is this leaving dander all over the house, on the furniture etc.? Because you are not just talking about this animal, you are also criticizing how she maintains her home. You and DH insult her, Fido or Puddycat first and go to the doctor afterwards? This sounds shaky to me and I bet BM feels the same way.

Of course, from the way your posts are written, it doesn't sound like you know what kind of animal lives with BM if any.

From op's posts I see it as bm gets a new pet. BM already knows that the child is allergic to that type of pet. She gets it anyways and asks the other sibling if sd can play with it. She gets siblings approval to let child play with pet?!? Then child goes home the following day with blotches on their skin and breathing issues for dad and sm to deal with.

As a bm of a child with asthma I can tell you that it becomes pretty easy to figure out what triggers your childs asthma. And asthma is a scary thing for kids and their parents.

I also have pet allergies. Mine is to cats though. If I am in a home with cats for too long my sinuses flair up, my eyes get red and itchy, and I start feeling like I can not breathe. I have 2 friends that are clean freaks and they probably dust their homes daily and vaccuum their whole house and furniture daily. Those are the only 2 homes I can stand to be in for extended periods of time.

There have been times where I was in a home with cats and it was hours later, even after I left, when my allergic reaction really surfaced. A few times so severe I ended up on steroids.

So I see this issue as pretty serious.

And I am still confused on why bm would buy a dog if it had been mentioned to her previously that her child was allergic to dogs. That was pretty irresponsible if you ask me.

Kids can alleviate an allergy to a cat if they are exposed to the dander when the pet is small like a kitten. It would only be that particular cat however. It is more difficult if the animal is full grown. But you can desensitize them to the kitten dander.
That is what our allergist told us.

I have never heard that you can desensitize a child to a cat allergy by exposing them to it. At least not if their allergic reaction involves breathing difficulties.

I'm not a doctor but I also suffer from allergies. Some allergies can become desensitized when you develop tolerance to the allergen. My dad has hay fever and takes bee pollen and eats raw honey (I guess with pollen?) which has helped his hay fever. I have had allergies to cats (not all, just a few that I've had over the years) and I've taken allergy pills to counteract the symptoms but over time, it bothers me less and less. It's my own belief (not based on any facts) that low exposure over a long time will build up resistance to allergy attacks.

If the allergic reaction is very strong, then I would not let a child be exposed to that. If the allergen can be kept away from the child, leaving a low exposure and unless it causes a serious reaction, I don't think it's that big a deal. I think mom should monitor the child's condition and give medication if necessary and if it causes a severe reaction, then get rid of the pet.

Yes, it's insensitive and irritating that a mom got pets when she knew a kid has allergies to them. Depending on the severity of the allergy, mom needs to deal with it. Dad should take the kid to allergist and get tests to back up the allergy. The allergist should call mom to inform her of the allergy and solutions or alternatives to exposing the child to a known allergen. If mom refuses to acknowledge the allergy or refuses to do anything to prevent an attack or treat an attack, then dad should ask the courts to stop or supervise mom's visitation because at that point, she is not putting the kids' best interest first. If mom keeps pets and gives allergy pills, as long as she is doing something about it, then she's within her rights. She is mom and until a court disagrees, she has the right to make that decision. Personally, I would not let my kid be exposed to allergens but I only make that decision for MY kids.

It is just irritating because bm already knew sd was allergic to dogs. She has complained that we will not get a dog. We just do not see the need for a pet that is going to make her sick! Then bm plays hero and gets a dog over there. And to cover her own a** she acts like she did not already know of the allergy by asking my other sk if it is okay for sd to play with the dog.

So EOW we should stuff sd with pills all weekend just so bm can have a pet? I just find it obsurd. Who wants to stuff their child full of pills? Maybe its just us who don't. We are more of the natural solution type people. Eat organic foods. Take few medicines. Don't get antibiotics for every cold. Avoid things that make us sick instead of popping pills.

"So EOW we should stuff sd with pills all weekend just so bm can have a pet? I just find it obsurd."

I agree with you but what can you do? She is the mom and unless dad takes her to court and gets a Judge to say she can't get a pet, she gets to make that choice. It's not what I would do and it's probably not what a lot of moms would do, but when the parents are divorced, it is what it is. If mom and dad were still together, they would have to decide as a team. If they could do that, they would probably still be married. Now, if they can't agree, a Judge gets to decide.

If you want to hear that BM is bad... well, I think she is not doing the right thing for her kid. I think she is being selfish and thoughtless... but my opinion of her doesn't change that she is the mom. Lots of bad mom's out there that are selfish and thoughtless. I feel sorry for your SD if she has one of those... but options to control what mom does in her house are limited to making her (through guilt?) put her child first (because you really can't 'make' someone do something) or having a Judge decide.