Meeting boyfriend's son...who speaks a different language to me!

14 years ago

Hi,

I'm looking for a little bit of advice/moral support from anyone who may have been in a similar situation to me...

I'm British, but moved to Paris, France five months ago for various reasons. Just over two months ago I started dating a French man, (he's 35, I'm 27), and things have been going really really well since then.

He has a 4 year old son, who I'm going to be meeting for the first time tomorrow. I don't have any problems with the fact that my boyfriend has a son, in fact I think lots of the things that I like most about him are probably partly due to him being a father. And in normal circumstances, I don't think I'd feel this nervous about meeting his child...

*But*, the problem is, obviously the son speaks only French (being 4 years old and having grown up in France and all ;-) ) And while I speak some French, I'm far from fluent. My boyfriend is French but speaks fluent English, so 75% of the time when we're together we speak English. Obviously however, tomorrow when we're both with his son, the language du jour is going to be French, no two ways about it.

I feel that me not being able to *properly* speak or understand this little boy's language could really complicate the whole thing of meeting him and trying to build good communication with him...I'm really nervous that he'll say things to me that I don't understand (this is inevitable, as people are always saying things to me in French that I dont understand) and then I'll look really stupid when I can't respond. And I'm nervous that when he realises he can't converse with me in a "normal" way he'll just lose interest in me entirely or resent me being there.

I know my boyfriend will do everything he can to help things go well, but I can't help feeling really really nervous nonetheless.

Has anyone been in a similar situation, or have any general words of advice? Anything would be appreciated here!

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Comments (5)

justmetoo
14 years ago
Relax, the little one will pick up on your nerves and not really know why the pretty lady he's meeting today and having a good outing with is so 'afraid'and he may take it to mean it's something he's done or said or that you don't like him.

I've seen a group of little ones come together all speaking bits and parts or no mutual langauge of the others present and they brush it aside and play all day together having great fun. They understand the basics: laughter, smiles, a willingness to be friends.

I myself have had to visit with and entertain in my home and on sight seeing outings both teens and adults, and we've all been very understanding and leaned on the one present who can repeat for us what is said. As long as all were comfortable and had a desire to be warm and friendly and relaxed, a convo and/or a pleasant story/joke just takes a bit longer to share, but is still enjoyable/interesting.

The main thing I had to watch myself from doing as I came to know and communicate with was not to slip into slang and to stick to basics of meaning with words. Where my langauge has words that can be flipped around and exchanged for other words, the person I was speaking with could then not follow me in this manner.

In your case, you might try an ice breaker with the little boy, ask his dad to help you pick out a storybook that you could present to the boy as a welcome gift. Or some favorite candy or along those lines. Something that speaks without words that you are very honored to be meeting him and very willing to get to know him even though there is a bit of a hurdle to cross. Dad might read the book to you and the child if you choose a book.

And study up on the basic language, carry the little booklet in your pocket that assist, a desire to learn and accept I think I have found to be my key to language differences.

Good luck to you, hope you all have a great day.
finedreams
14 years ago
I agree with justmetoo: relax.

If you two will stay together eventually you will be able to communicate to his son. When I was in France I was impressed how everyone speaks English.

my DD who speaks some French didn't even need it because everyone spoke English to us (in Paris, I cannot say about small towns, don't know). They all learn English at school so when his son will start school he will inevitably speak English. Also if you two stay together you will learn more French. Your BF should tell his son that you don't speak French well enough and it shouldn't be a problem.

Also there is something you can do with his son without talking like playing with LEGO or toy cars for example. Give it time.

When we moved to the US, at first DD spoke not a word of English yet she played with other children just fine. Kids have their own ways of communicating.

Good luck. It should all work out just fine.
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sweeby
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"I've seen a group of little ones come together all speaking bits and parts or no mutual langauge of the others present and they brush it aside and play all day together having great fun."

That's the bit to remember. If you play with him on his level, you won't need many words to have fun. Surely you know enough French by know to say "My French isn't very good yet, but I'm learning. Will you help me?" And for most kids, that will be enough. If you make an embarassing language mistake -- laugh with him! He won't really think you're stupid -- besides, what you're aiming for is nice and maybe fun, not intelligent, and certainly not a good conversationalist.

As JustMeToo has said -- Relax and enjoy him as the delightful little boy he probably is. Have a list of fun activities prepared -- a list you can pull from as circumstances warrant, not one you try to stick to. Have some that are designed for all three of you, some for Dad and lad (he'll want to spend lots of one on one time with his father), and a few options that are for you and him so you can interact directly.

Kind, warm-hearted and fun don't know any language. Be those things, and with or without any conversation, you'll be OK.
mom2emall
14 years ago
Just relax and enjoy meeting him! You will have your boyfriend there to translate if needed. Kids enjoy being able to do things that adults have trouble with. He speaks French and you don't. Maybe your boyfriend can tell his son that both of them are going to have to work together to teach you French! And maybe the boy will like the challenge of working with daddy to help you learn French!
fiveinall
14 years ago
I will tell you a few things that are great about really little kids:

1) communication is rarely about what you say, it's about what you do....
2) It is hard to look stupid in front of four year old
3) little ones don't judge

A push on a swing, a smile a pat on the head an offer of your hand....requires no words

Hope your visit went well!

Meeting boyfriend's son...who speaks a different language to me!

Comments (5)

justmetoo

finedreams

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