Regarding the post about to spank/not to spank....definitely leave the discipline to their bio parent with the exception of time out.......not that I am an expert...just my opinion.

On another note....I am just weary...I have been remarried for 11 years and have been in my SK lives since they were 5 and 7. This man was my high school boyfriend...we have a wonderful story...he asked to marry in college but I said wait and then he had to marry someone else because she was pregnant. I also have two older SK from my husband's 1st marriage...they were 12 and 13 when we married and I adopted both. I have 3 bio children who were 3, 6 and 10 when we married. All are boys except the 7 year girl who is now about to be 20. My husband and I have none together which was a deliberate choice....for our kids. Let me say it has been a ride....ups and downs...thankless...the most difficult thing I have ever done...blending families. The 12 and 13 year bio mom lost her parental rights. We lost the 12 year old in a car accident at the age of 19. They probably had the most difficult time....abandoned by their bio mom....abused emotionally by their other step mom....which she denies...and boasts to her children that they would have been better off and the 19 year old still would be alive had she had a chance to continue raising them. Well this the thorn in my side...my husband's 2nd wife....absolute witch is the younger SK's Mom....controlling, passive agressive, manipulative...you name it. She is angry, resentful, uses her daughter as a confident, lies to her, puts the kids in the middle. She has told them that he and I had an affair which is ABSOLUETLY A LIE! My husband absolutely refuses to tell the kids all the mean hurtful things she has done and/or defend himself and me to her vicious attacks. While I understand the wisdom in this and respect him for it....I can't help but feeling frustrated that they are getting a distorted view of the truth/past. This is a woman who threatened to tell our then 12 year old that his father (my husband) wasn't really his bio father! (My husband's 1st wife had an affair while my husband was overseas and found out that this child was not his but raised him as his all these years.) I actually heard her threaten my husband with this trying to manipulate him. This is the same woman that said that her own father molested her, she was date raped and gang raped(separate times) in college and had an abortion. BTW...none of this was true. She used this as an excuse as to why she couldn't be intimate or rarely would be (1 or 2 times per year.) What kind of person makes that stuff up? I wish I could express the full magnitude of this woman's sickness....I wouldn't know where to begin or where to stop.

My SD is going to be 20 and is in college...she doesn't stay over anymore. My 17 yo SK rarly sleeps over anymore. We only live 5 minutes from their Mom. The 20 yo she speaks to her father daily and me on occasion. It is rare that she is disrespectful to me mostly out of fear that her father will put her in her place. She is becoming more and more like her Mother...surrounding herself with drama and creating divisiveness. She acts as if she is entitled....for ex...we had some major water damage in our house and decided to upgrade our counter tops to granite. She had the nerve to suggest displeasure that she might have to take some loans for college, eventually, but we are spending money that should be for her college on the granite. Also, my husband went to Africa for 2 weeks after our son died and we also bought a boat which we use EVERY weekend during the summer, on the lake with our kids. She even said that he should not have done that...that money should go to pay for her college. My husband's father passed away, unexpectedly, 2 years ago, leaving a large pass through trust to my SK's once they are older. He had always said that he would pay their tuition and books but with his premature death, this will not occurr however, $10K was set aside for each SK to go towards college. The trust can't be touched for many years and we have not told the kids about this money for OBSVIOUS reasons. I am appalled at her selfishness. My younger SK (17) doesn't have much to say...but has been pulling away from us for about the last year. My kids are all about family and spending time together as it has always been with all of us until the last 1.5 to 2 years. As my SK's are getting older, they are pulling away and taking more liberty with their own thinking and I am sure are being told outrageous things by their Mother.

This has all been spawned tonight after I went to incredible links to plan a weekend trip to a local indoor water park/lodge for our birthday weekend! We can't get my Sk's full attention/family time unless we get them out of town. 4 of our kids have bdays within 3 weeks and our grandson and I have bdays as well. When my husband called his ex to let her know we were going to take this trip (about 3 weeks away) she said that they have already made plans for that weekend (which was not actually true and this is typical....phantom plans abound.) So both kids 19 and 17 cannot go. She says mean hurtful things but the bottom line is she is jealous...she doesn't recognize us a a family unit, she can't afford to go on nice trips, etc. Not that she couldn't....she just cannot manage money...that was part of my husband's problem with her...her spending. They are caught in the middle....they can't go against their Mom. They have actually texted me on numerous occasions to say Happy Mothers Day or love you but please don't tell my Mom.

So, my husband and I will go with my 3 children, 1 of their wives, our grandson and the 2 SK's will not go. Why am I so upset....why do I keep trying to make us a family.

This is soooo sad! Any words of wisdom!