My husband is mean to my little boy (his stepson)
closetdiva
15 years ago
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kkny
15 years agoRelated Discussions
My stepson & his mom are out of control!
Comments (3)Thanks for the replies. This has been extremely hard on both of us, not to mention the stress it's causing for my brother and his family. I do agree the play fighting thing is not a good idea anymore. We have considered filing charges back when this all settled because not only is she filing false reports, but she is also posting these accusations all over the internet (MySpace). The voice recorder has saved him before and work told him was a good idea since she lies so much. Everyone we work with does know that we love our children more than anything so hopefully that will help the detectives realize that we would never allow anyone to hurt them. As far as the things she has said about me to the kids, I did not "take their daddy from her". He left her 4 months before he and I ever went out and we kept our relationship a secret for another 5 months after that. So by the time she found out about me, they had been separated for almost 9 months. I think she really blames me because he never went back to her after he left (because I came into the picture). But he never cheated on her with me or anything like that. She really shouldn't still be bitter about that anymore because she is engaged to be married this year, but it seems like she's still a little hung up on my bf and wants to make his life as miserable and he apparently made hers by leaving her. I just really hate that his kids have to be caught in the middle. I have gotten pretty close to them in the past 2 years and I know this is going to damage the relationships we've developed....See MoreI love his kids, but he's mean to my son
Comments (8)He was cool towards my son prior to our marriage and I almost postponed the wedding. He has promised me repeatedly to work on this issue and usually does for a short period of time. While we were dating and even prior to that, my son was a tremendous handful! In fact, I was exhausted by the time I met my husband from the constant demands my son's high energy that wore me down. After we were married we did work together with my son, who continued to be an extreme challenge. To add to that, my son was having to learn to share me, had to go to a new school where he did poorly, and quickly alienated all of the kids on our block! After exhausting our combined efforts to help my son, we finally had him evaluated for ADHD. He was "diagnoised" but we still waited to see how his last marking period went. (the teacher obviously grew weary of working with us and stopped sending behaviorial and academic reports home!) He almost failed 3rd grade! Right after school was out, he went balistic, behaviorially so we started him on Concerta, a time-released form of Ritalin. From that point on, my son has completely turned his life around. He's made new, longer-standing friends, gets along better at home and in school, has excelled on the swim team, is getting the best grades he's ever had, and is growin confident from his continued successes! My husband, however, still judges my son based on his old issues that were obviously not mine or my son's fault. My husband is going back to the counsellor alone at thie time because I'm too angry with him. He is trying, and deeply saddened by our deteriating relationship/family, but I'm not sure I can trust his ability to completely change who he obviously is...I'm so sad...thanks for your reply......See MoreMy stepson
Comments (9)I know I can be a "mama bear" and it is sometimes hard for us to see our children's wrongdoings. However, it is even harder to teach them consequences when they are older and know how to be more manipulative ( I think all kids have that ability). We say frequently to our kids that what is good for one is good for all. We may also tell them that when they are doing something they hope to get away with that they are special but no more special than any of the other kids so therefore they will have consequences just like the other children would. Now that is all easier said than done especially when both parents disagree on the child's behavior or whether they want to take the time to discipline the child. In my first marriage ( I have only been married twice but I had three kids when I was young and unmarried, with the same man, and my first husband adopted them and then we had one together and dad one was never in the picture) but anyway, after we had the one child together, my ex started treating the older three who were not his biologically very bad. In fact, the youngest child NEVER did any wrong in my ex's eyes. The oldest three got blamed for everything by my ex and it was a continuous battle between us. The worst part of it was that the older three came to resent the youngest and the relationship that was once close because he was their baby brother was now very distant. They knew he was the favorite of their dads and to this day they are not close (he is now 12). He also has had alot of emotional problems due to many circumstances but I know part of it was because he never really fit in with his siblings. It is amazing how much damage an adult can do when they think they are being a good parent by not using proper discipline or by giving in all the time. Parents are meant to be the parents of children not their friends. My husband now and I work very hard to make the kids all feel as if they are treated equal (even though they don't always think so) but my ex didn't do my son any favors by playing favorites to the him. I think when it comes down to it that kids do feel loved when they get disciplined because they know their parents care enough about them to want what is best for them and making good choices is always in their best interest. Anyway, I was thinking that maybe you could approach your wife by pointing out that she may be playing favorites because he is her baby. Assure her that you don't want division between the children and that you most certainly don't want for any of them to feel picked on and that you consiously make the effort to make sure that what is good for one is good for all. I don't know exactly how sensitive she is to the topic of you "picking" on your SS but you can always tell her that you want to be on the same page as her and that you feel she is too lenient with him and that maybe when she feels that you are "picking" on him that she could talk to you privately later about it and the same goes for her when she is giving in. Tell her you can work on this together and provide a united front to your child....See MoreFinally I've LetGo and Told My Husband It's Now His Job
Comments (1)Sounds to me like you have a handle on the situation as it is now. I personally would never have tried to discipline my steps, not my job....See Morekkny
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