My husband is mean to my little boy (his stepson)
closetdiva
15 years ago
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kkny
15 years agoRelated Discussions
Husband having problems with my kids after his 1st child is born
Comments (5)I can't say I have had the same situation exactly. I have 2 step sons(11 and 13) and then I have a 10 month old son. While the 11 and especially the 13 greatly annoy me at times(in fact I just posted on this), I would never even consider compromising their well being for the little one! I do admit that the relationship with the 2 step sons is definitely not the same as the relationship I have with my biological son. I didn't have the 2 older boys as babies and never got to hold and cuddle them like I do my own. But for your husband to treat them as if they are now in the way or in anyway cramping his style is really just wrong anyway you look at it. Something I try to be mindful of and you might bring up to your husband is the relationship between your older 2 boys and the little one. If he has a strained and difficult relationship with your older boys, how is that going to affect how they feel about their little sister? If your husband has changed the way he treats the boys because of the new baby he could be causing more issues than just a strain in his relationship with them. Does he really want to cause the older boys to resent her because he treated her better than he treats them? I am having issues with my oldest just getting on my nerves, but I take the responsibility for trying to fix the situation. I don't see how the solution could ever be to get the older 2 out of the house!!!Hope I didn't ramble on too much!!! Good luck with your situation....See MoreMy stepson
Comments (9)I know I can be a "mama bear" and it is sometimes hard for us to see our children's wrongdoings. However, it is even harder to teach them consequences when they are older and know how to be more manipulative ( I think all kids have that ability). We say frequently to our kids that what is good for one is good for all. We may also tell them that when they are doing something they hope to get away with that they are special but no more special than any of the other kids so therefore they will have consequences just like the other children would. Now that is all easier said than done especially when both parents disagree on the child's behavior or whether they want to take the time to discipline the child. In my first marriage ( I have only been married twice but I had three kids when I was young and unmarried, with the same man, and my first husband adopted them and then we had one together and dad one was never in the picture) but anyway, after we had the one child together, my ex started treating the older three who were not his biologically very bad. In fact, the youngest child NEVER did any wrong in my ex's eyes. The oldest three got blamed for everything by my ex and it was a continuous battle between us. The worst part of it was that the older three came to resent the youngest and the relationship that was once close because he was their baby brother was now very distant. They knew he was the favorite of their dads and to this day they are not close (he is now 12). He also has had alot of emotional problems due to many circumstances but I know part of it was because he never really fit in with his siblings. It is amazing how much damage an adult can do when they think they are being a good parent by not using proper discipline or by giving in all the time. Parents are meant to be the parents of children not their friends. My husband now and I work very hard to make the kids all feel as if they are treated equal (even though they don't always think so) but my ex didn't do my son any favors by playing favorites to the him. I think when it comes down to it that kids do feel loved when they get disciplined because they know their parents care enough about them to want what is best for them and making good choices is always in their best interest. Anyway, I was thinking that maybe you could approach your wife by pointing out that she may be playing favorites because he is her baby. Assure her that you don't want division between the children and that you most certainly don't want for any of them to feel picked on and that you consiously make the effort to make sure that what is good for one is good for all. I don't know exactly how sensitive she is to the topic of you "picking" on your SS but you can always tell her that you want to be on the same page as her and that you feel she is too lenient with him and that maybe when she feels that you are "picking" on him that she could talk to you privately later about it and the same goes for her when she is giving in. Tell her you can work on this together and provide a united front to your child....See MoreI Am Starting To Hate My Husband and his Son
Comments (18)Well honestly, no one ever said u had to like one another! It's nice for the kids if all the adults in their lives had one flowing ball of communication, but lets be realistic! BM probably hates u cause ur sleeping w a man she has a child by. Its one of those bitter situations of :we didnt work, so why will u: and shes gonna hate u for it. Ur SS resents u for along the same reasons, and wants to make his presence known. He wants a dog he goes to daddy and theirs nothing is stupid SM is gonna say about it, cause u are not HIS mother. Been there done that, trust me! My stepchildren were HORRORS when my DH first got together. Mind u he had already been divorced for two years, with two children: daughter 10 and son 5. And the daughter was THE WORST. Not to mention when my DH first married :at that time the children were 12 and 7: and my SD LOST IT. She and her BM were on a personal vendetta to make my life a living hell. And then fast forward to a year later when my DH and I had a daughter of our own and thats when the u know what REALLY hit the fan!! There were times then when I could say that I hated her, and she hated me I'm sure, but one day when she was at our house for the court mandated weekend, I caught her in the room w my DD. I was horrified at first, thinking, OMG is this kid gonna try and smother my child?! lol I caught her playing w the baby, and then she burst into tears. Sometimes when u hold malice towards someone u tend to get satisfaction out of their pain. Yeah, thats an ugly thing to say, but its true. However, when I saw SD crying I walked up to her and gave her a hug. I'm not saying it was like a lifetime movie after that and all, we still had our battles, and at times I had to try not to lose my mind and walk out, but here we are seven years later, two kids of my own, and two stepchildren, whom I love dearly and I know that sometimes, they love me too....lol Just stand ur ground, and understand its hard for a kid who feels like he has to compete with the new woman for some love. Sit down with him and explain to him that ur not trying to come between them, and that u want to try and share. Theres enough love for the both of u. As far as ur DH goes, though. U need to put ur foot down and let him know that u are not a chambermaid. Stop doing EVERYTHING around the house so hes stuck w chores. That'll really hit him where he lives!...See MoreMy husband is jealous of his son's relationship with his stepdad.
Comments (11)As far as open houses go, everyone in a family is allowed to go. Grandparents, aunts, cousins, whatever. It's a chance for the kids to show off things that they've done at school. When my DS has open house, we roll in with a posse! There's probably 10 of us that go. Even X's GF and FDH. Isn't that why it's called OPEN house? As far as the jealousy thing, we have experienced that as well. But I would caution your husband on saying anything. These things can go to the extreme. He may want the son to give him more attention, but that could turn into alienating the SF, whom he lives with, and cause an uncomfortable situation in the home where his son is most of the time. Those feelings of jealousy will pass. I wonder if his jealousy isn't really more of an insecurity at the fact that he doesn't live with his kids anymore. I was jealous of X's GF. But what really makes me jealous is not necessarily what SHE does, but more of my own feelings of insecurity. She gets to have him for all the fun times and I have him when things have to be serious and organized. That's my own insecurity because I'd rather be spending time with him instead of the 12 hours I'm away from him at work. But I know that he's well cared for while he's there and he's happy. She's young and fun and has no kids so she plays with him as if she's his age. And I think that's very special......now lol! Not to mention, he is only 6. Still VERY young. He loves everyone that loves him. There's nothing wrong with that. And what's wrong with SF loving the children? Isn't it that the more people that love the children then better? I can't imagine that anyone would want a person living in a home with their child to not love their kid. What a miserable home that would be!...See Morekkny
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