Your situation makes me so sad! You hear stories of CPS taking kids away from good parents all the time, but it seems the bad ones always are able to slip on through! When I was teaching I had quite a few cases that we called CPS on and they never seemed to do a darn thing! It always infuriated me! I had a kid so covered in welts one day that he had to wear a long sleeve shirt to school to hide them when it was in the 70's outside and our school had no air conditioning. (That was a big tip off that something was up!) This was not the first time that one of his moms boyfriends had hurt him. Though this one did a lot worse than the others-he used an extension cord as a whip. Not the first time my school district had reported abuse on this child. CPS investigaged but he stayed in his moms custody! It broke my heart. As the year went on his behavior at school only got worse, probably to match the misery at home.

I think that you are doing all you can do for now. Hopefully being able to go out each night and knowing you are looking for injuries will keep your daughter in law from hurting her child.

It has been working out well so far. About an hour after she left my house the day we had that conversation, she changed her myspace status to:

"wow... life sure as hell couldn't be any dandier! suck it hoe bag lol"

I understand her anger. She is not in control. Two days later, she changed it to:

"going to spin this situation till it lands in my favor... who's the loser now punk??? lol"

she then brought DGS back to me an hour after posting that. I saw a few marks on him that normally would be normal stuff on a baby, but it makes me wonder if she would hurt him to get back at me. The one that REALLY got my attention was a pink mark on his ear like someone pinched it. (but he has fair skin) His eyes were red like she let him cry but while that bothers me, she can let him cry. There have been no more bruises which is what I had a problem with.

She was supposed to keep him overnight tonight but just called to cancel. She is going out of town with friends so as long as I don't respond to her crazy, she has gotten better to deal with. She didn't talk to me at all for a few days, but just like a teenager... she got over it.

There's a lot going on right now, my mom went to the doctor yesterday & had an irregular heartbeat. My sister convinced her to go to the hospital and while they were monitoring her, she had two heart attacks and they medi-flighted her to a better facility with a heart center. This morning they said she had so many blockages that she needs a bypass and we are waiting on more from the doctor. I'd appreciate any prayers for my mom's recovery. I know I have issues with her but she's my mom & we do love each other. She has spent years abusing her body & ignores warnings from doctors & family... she needs prayers.

sorry about your mother, hope she will feel better soon, they do bypass all the time, i am glad they caught it on time, I will keep her in my prayers. as about DIL, i hope your son won't have any more children with her if they stay together, if not hopefully he gets custody and she gets supervised visitations only or none. she is unfit mother. and what trash she writes on myspace, what's all this...

Sending prayers your way, Ima, and for your entire family.

You've had such a huge combo of stress and emotional challlenges tossed at you of late, please be sure to take care of yourself too.

Adding my prayers for your Mom too Ima. Stay positive. Sending healing vibes her way (hugs)
Cat
Ps. So glad DGS is with you!

Your mom is in my thoughts too IMA.

You're are in my thoughts IMA :) stay strong!!

You are in my thoughts Ima, hope everything will go well. Keep us up to date. Hugs, yabber

Sorry to hear about your mom Ima, hope her surgery goes well. And also that all the drama with your grandbaby and dil calm down.

Ima, I really hope your Mom is feeling better and that the bypass surgery goes really well!! They are getting so amazing at bypasses, I am sending all good thoughts and love and prayers your way!!

(((((hugs)))))
Shannon

holding you & your mom & your little guy in my thoughts & in my heart.

Ima, my prayers for all.

Hugs and prayers to you all. You are strong Ima ~ you will work through all this.

Thanks for all the thoughts & prayers. Mom is in surgery ~finally~ . She has 11 blockages in the two main arteries & will need a 5 bypass surgery. They had hoped to do the surgery sooner but had to get her stable first... blood sugar & pressure was too high... so today's the day. Now we wait, pray and wait some more.

My son is supposed to be back on U.S. soil this week. His birthday is tomorrow. His leave was moved up so he can be here for his grandma. I'm thrilled and I can't wait to see my DGS's face... he lights up at just seeing his daddy's picture.

I thought about GW because after mom went into surgery, my recently divorced sister and I were in the cafeteria and she was livid because her ex took away the cell phone she gave their daughter. I told her that if BM gave SD a phone, we'd take it away. She told me that she called the police and had the officer make her ex give the phone back to their DD. I had to hold my tongue because her DD was sitting at the table.. well, both of her DD's were there but the older one is married & out on her own. Maybe at a better time, we can discuss it... but I see how angry a bitter divorce makes people and it's really hard. My niece told me that she is so angry at her dad... not because he took her phone away, but because several years ago... when her parents were still married... he had a heart attack & had to have a double bypass. We were all there for him but since he is no longer married to my sister, when their daughter told them about my mother, he acted like "so what?" She was so hurt that her dad didn't care about her grandma.

Anger is so ugly and only hurts the kids!

Ima, sending more prayers your mothers way. It is a blessing they found the blockages prior to a more deadly cardiac event.

Sending some more healing vibes your way & Yea that your DS will be home soon. After the surgery is done hopefully you and DS can have a little time to talk about all the goings on with DGS and make a plan..(Hugs)
Thinking of you.
~Cat

good luck with the surgery and happy for you son being home!!! good news!!!

your exBIL is a moron, "so what" i still worry about my exmIl if she is in hospital and I've been divorced since 1992 or so. calling police is extreme but if that's what it takes to get her possessions back... maybe that's what needs to be done. I don't think it is as much as divorce makes people angry, i think when you are no longer attached to that person you see their actions more clearly and realize that you married a moron in the first place.

I think the way people behave during extreme challenges (like divorce or any other struggles) tells you who they really are.

Mom is in ICU on a ventilator. Surgery went well & she'll be off the ventilator in a few hours. Now.. the road to recovery! Dad says she can come stay at his house during her recovery and my daughter & I will care for her in the next few weeks.

As for my sister calling the police... maybe it was a way to get the phone back, but I guess it also sends a message to her daughter that if dad does something she doesn't like, she can tell mom and mom will call police to fix it. It was WRONG for her to do that in frong of my niece. Now my niece is refusing to see him... yeah, partly because he is a moron for letting his anger become more important than caring about another person... not only my mom, but his own daughters feelings.

I think the anger that comes from divorce is what turns them into morons... I see both acting foolishly and hurting the kids... saying horrible things to their kids. (He told his other daughter that he would walk her down the aisle but not attend the reception if her mother was going to be there... he didn't follow through with that threat but the words will stay with her forever) It's just terribly sad.

Glad things went well so far so good...

Most shocking statement you made
"Dad says she can come stay at his house during her recovery and my daughter & I will care for her in the next few weeks"

Very nice of your dad to offer after all that they have been through in the past!!

"I think the anger that comes from divorce is what turns them into morons."

I respectfully disagree, people are who they are and divorce as any other extreme challenges only shows who they really are. decent people behave decently during divorce too. my very strong opinion. values are values divorce or not.

good news that your mom is doing better!

I've heard it said "charachter is formed in the fire", and I couldn't agree more. When we go through hard times, that's when our charachter is formed and displayed for all to see. Vendictive people are even more so when they go through something huge like divorce. People with addictive personalities tend to show their addiction more when times are tough.

But, your Dad offering to help your mom after all she has done to him. Now THAT is so freakin cool! I bet you get your charachter from him!

ARGG!!! How much can a person take?

So mom's surgery was successful. She's in recovery & joking. A GREAT sign. So, I stayed in town to see her this morning...

I am awaken by my son calling me from Dallas. He will arrive this afternoon & wants me to go pick up his son to meet him at the airport! I AM ELATED!!! (It's two hours drive to pick up DGS from DIL and an hour back to the airport)

Two seconds later, I get a text from my cousin.. wanting to know if she can bring her dad to visit my mom. Well, there is family drama between them and my mom does not want to see this particular cousin right now. But, before I have time to respond... I get another call.

My sister (who is staying at a different hotel in the same town I am in) calls to tell me she just talked to dad. He needs to go to the hospital. He's had problems with his legs... infections & circulatory problems. So he got up this morning & can't even walk... yet he got himself to work & now sitting at his desk & can't go anywhere. He is in the same town as DIL so I'm 2 hours away. My brother is having my SIL go pick up dad & take him to the ER.

Then DIL texts me and wants to know what I'm doing about the baby... after all, she's had him for two whole days. I tell her I am picking him up at noon and she says 'good'. (she doesn't know my son is back & it's up to him to tell her)

How's THAT for a wake up call? I'm beat down & exhausted.

Oh my! You must be the "facilitator" in the family. This type of scenario is all too familiar.

All I have to say is it really sucks when the "facilitator" needs the facilitating. Everything falls apart! If I'm the one that needs help or something big is happening in my life, I can forget having any help unless I basically have a nervous breakdown. Even then, it's a bit iffy.

lol, Ashley

I am the designated facilitator apparently. My sister could have gone to take dad, she was "exhausted" so she said I would do it. I was already planning to go that way to get my DGS so I'd have him with me when I picked up my DS. It was just annoying to have my sister decide it for me & then to have DIL call to see when I am getting the baby. DIL didn't know (and still doesn't) that my son is flying in. He does not want to see or talk to her... so I hadn't told her I was getting DGS from her, I had planned to call her when I got back to town but she was just that anxious to get a 'break' after two whole days with her baby. Then she hit me up for cash when I picked him up.

I am at the hospital waiting for my son to visit with my mom. Then we are driving back home tonight. When I get home, I will have logged about 8 or 9 hours of driving today... through a nasty storm at that. I just talked to DH & realized that tomorrow is Thursday... he asked me if I am picking up SD from daycare but I told him I am coming back to the hospital after work tomorrow so his mom will get her. She goes with her mom on Friday so she has had the whole week with her daddy and me gone. Hope she had a good week!

Jeez, that is just a crazy amount of stuff going on.
I hope everything is ok with your Dad too. Glad your mum did well.

I think it's smart you didn't give DIL any info about your son coming home. I think she's going to go bananas when she finds out and will probably do some serious acting out.

Is your son home for good or on leave?

(Hugs) to you, what a stressful time you have had. I've been thinking of you.

~Cat

He's here for 15 days and then we won't see him until next January or February. Dad is going to be fine. His blood pressure is high but my sister was overreacting when she said he was being rushed to the ER. (she's a bit of a drama queen) After I jumped in my car to come get DGS & go with dad to the doctor, she posted on her FB about how stressed SHE was and that she was going to take a nap! UGH~ I was driving through such heavy rain, I could hardly see out.. through traffic and she was in her motel room napping! Nice!

It has been a crazy week... but glad things are settling down now. Mom may get to come home this weekend... she'll be staying at dad's house so we can care for her. (the only one that lives near her house is my recently divorced sister... and she is going to school & needs to get a job. Apparently, my mom has been supporting her (or helping her a lot financially) since her divorce & that isn't going to continue. My mom is not wealthy at all... even she said my sister needs to see what it's like to work. lol

haha, wonder what my life would be like if I didn't have any stress in it? I might like sitting out on the deck during summer at sunset, sipping ice tea and not have a care in the world. 'cause recent events are not helping my ulcer. lol

But, for the next 15 days I am going to enjoy my son... and watching him with his son is pure joy!

Has he told or does DIL know he is home yet?

Is he going to any paperwork while he is home to ease some of that burden?

Good news about mom and dad .....

Some people have no idea what real stress is... :)

DIL does not yet know he's here. She picked up the baby as usual this morning & he drove to the hospital to see my mom. I am at work & she called to ask who the baby's doctor is. I thought the baby was sick & asked "is something wrong with the baby?" and she said, "No, you called CPS on me!" so I told her I haven't talked to CPS since I've had him. So, she hung up on me... then called back to say she's bringing him back to me early. I told her that's fine, if she needs to.

When she got here, she was crying & told me that I win! She said that CPS looked around her house & asked her to take a drug test. She said she was going to take the test but that she knew she would fail. She burst out yelling at me that I stress her out so that is why she needs to unwind with pot & she never does it around the baby. So, she told me that since she will lose anyways, she isn't going to put herself & the baby through that and I can just have him.. then she stormed out!

Was that the icing on my week???

it sounds overwhelming! DS must file for divorce and full custody right now ASAP. glad your son is visiting.

Oh dear. I had a feeling everything was going to come to head with regards to your DIL. You know what though? I think this is a blessing in disguise. GS is safe & happy with you. She will either suck it & up and find some way to get off the drugs and straighten herself out for her childs sake, or not. I'd be really surprised if she was only using weed.

Have you filled your DS in on everything going on? I do hope he has time to initiate at least legal seperation and emergency custody arrangements with you being custodial while he is on duty. Hopefully he can get this taken care of while home.

So glad your Mom & Dad are both going to be ok. What a boatload of emotional turmoil you've been through. Hope you get to relax with a ginormous glass of good wine soon!

~Cat

"Was that the icing on my week???"

Yes!

Get the paperwork done & get her signature before she changes her mind!

too late Sylvia... she called this morning to pick him up at 10. Then called me at noon and asked me if my son is back in the states... guess she heard he was. I am not going to lie so I said he's visiting his grandma. She then brought baby back to me so she can leave to go out of town early (she was planning a trip anyways and was going to leave this afternoon) So, I still have baby but she isn't gonna sign anything. My son is filing for custody on Monday. We get to spend the weekend preparing court papers.

I haven't posted since I didn't have anything useful to add -- still don't.
Just wanted to say "Hang in there, Ima" --
Your son, grandson and steps are lucky to have you.

I would like to echo Sweeby's "Hang in there, Ima"
I hope everything works out for you and your son.

She signed over custody to my son!

This morning, he told her that he was going to go ahead and file for a custody order. She said she didn't want to go to court and would sign an agreement to keep everything the way it is now. He agreed.

My son will have full legal & physical custody of DGS and while he is deployed, he has the right to leave him with me. He will continue to pay her rent & utilities only, plus $75 a week in cash. She needs to get a job if she wants what he calls extra's, stuff like cable & internet. She gets to see him six days a week from 10am-5pm and keep him overnight one night a week.

She seemed more interested in trying to get my son to come to her apartment alone than seeing her son today. She was supposed to get him at 10 & when my son called her, she asked "do I HAVE to come get him?" saying she was busy. That's when he told her that if she isn't interested in seeing their son, he will be filing court papers today so she won't have to worry about that. Ten minutes later, she was at the door. I left them alone and went to work, they showed up saying they had agreed to sign an agreement outside of going to court. They went & had it notarized. Then I sent it to my attorney to make sure it's legally binding.

She then took DGS and was to keep him until this evening, but less than an hour later she brought him back... saying she had to go visit her grandma and couldn't take DGS. Not sure I believe her, but whatever! Can't MAKE her be a mom... I think she was just happy that my son is going to keep paying the rent.

And her grandma wouldn't have been thrilled to see her g-g gson? Give me a break.
Glad this is sorting out for the baby's best interest.

Yay! Ima, I'm so glad this is coming together for you.
I know there will be much more drama to come, but at least you'll have some paperwork on your side.

I am glad for your son, but a bit concerned for the baby, I think the issue of custody came up because she is unfit mother...10 to 5 daily is enormous amount of time for noncustodial parent (particularly a parent with substance abuse and possibly child neglect and so forth). It is like entire day, doesn't sound like a typical visitation schedule. I am all for giving every one as much time with the child but not in her case.

But then again it appears that she won't take advantage of this and won't see him that much. Did they put this 10 to 5 on paper?

Do you think she will actually take advantage of the 10-5 custody time? I know you know this but document EVERY single time she forgoes time with her son.

I think this woman is borderline dangerous, Ima. Do you feel threatened by her in any way?

I'm glad things are working out and that your son has gotten phys/legal custody....but....I just feel like the other shoe is always about to drop! I think all my dealings with BM have left me feeling paranoid and expecting the worst out of people!

Stay safe, Ima.

Guess that's good news...
But like the others, I'm worried about what will happen when she decides it's in her best interests to 'have her baby back'.

Rant: Why do women who don't want babies have babies?!

A few months ago, there was a teenage girl and her boyfriend that murdered her mother because she found the girl's diary that she had written explicitly about having sex with her older boyfriend and the mother was going to turn it in to the police. That happened near here. My dad has told me he is concerned that DIL could snap and do something like that. I guess anyone could snap & with her mental disorders (and I'm not completely sure I know what all her mental problems are) but she has never made me feel threatened... I think I scare her. lol (maybe because I don't react to her BS) I don't feel anymore threatened than when I am serving someone... never know how people will react.

We did put the times 10-5 on paper and she wasn't too happy about that. She said she wants it to be more flexible and up til now, we have been flexible... she brings him back to me early most of the time. I flat out told her that if I see ANY marks on the baby, visits would stop and he goes into daycare. She has either watched him more carefully or brought him back early, but he's not coming back with any new bruises or cuts. I believe that eventually she will either step up (if she matures) or fade away (if she meets someone else) I'd say .. and lose interest, but it seems she has already lost interest in being a parent. Like I said, she was more concerned about seeing my son & making sure the agreement provided for supporting her. She does not want to work, but she also does not want to face that him supporting her won't last forever.

Woo-Hoo!

This little one just won the lottery!

"Why do women who don't want babies have babies?!"

power.

This girl has a whole bunch of people at her fingertips, talking to her, coddling her, doing errands for her, holding their breath to see which way she jumps next.

& Ima's son is paying the bills.

I'm probably re-stating the obvious, but you might caution your son about being alone with her;
her wish to have him to herself is neither an idle one nor a benign one.

She's after something, either another baby or something else that she can use as leverage.

Meanwhile, sylvia heaves a big sigh of relief (I was holding my breath along with all of you!)

is he going to file for divorce? i don't entirelly understand why he is supporting her if she doesn't raise a child full time. in fact she is the one who should pay you CS, yeah right...

FD, I agree. She can't see that far into the future. I can.

My son is on deployment for over a year. He will leave in a week and be gone until next January, he gets no more leaves. If he files for divorce now, he won't be here to proceed and she may get whatever she asks for.... ie. custody. Since only parents have rights, I am a grandparent and unless the court finds her unfit, she would automatically get custody. It isn't likely that would happen, she doesn't want the baby full time. She wants money. He will continue to pay the rent because he is on the lease, he HAS to pay it. The utilities & a little cash is to sweeten the deal for her so she won't fight to get the baby all the time. She has no excuses now.. she can go party or she can go work. She can't say she has no babysitter. She can't say she won't make enough to survive because her 'living' expenses are paid. She can't say the reason she can't take the baby is because her house is not suitable.. lol, she actually tried to say that because her cable was turned off that if he didn't pay to get it turned back on, then her house would not be suitable for their son to live there because she NEEDS television service so the baby can watch cartoons while she washes dishes, etc. THAT's her logic.

He plans to file for divorce when he returns from his deployment. At that point, he will have no problem getting full custody based on the agreement she signed and her history of how much (or should I say little) she see's her son while DS is gone. When he files for divorce, then he will no longer support her. But if he refuses to support her now, she will fight to get the baby because that provides an income to her and it is more likely than not, that CPS will end up removing the baby from her before he gets back and there is no guarantee that I will be allowed to have him if that happens... he could end up in foster care and that makes it worth him paying the bills for now. IMHO.

All of that sounds very well-thought out, Ima.

You're a smart cookie Ima --

Ima, you are a smart girl!! :D

One other thing, if you can, document when she has the baby, each day, for how long, when she returned him to you (if it was early, where was she supposedly "going", etc...)

It could help out in court...also document bruises, cuts, etc...

I know you know this stuff,and good for you and your DS for being so on the ball!! ((((hugs))))

"she actually tried to say that because her cable was turned off that if he didn't pay to get it turned back on, then her house would not be suitable for their son to live there because she NEEDS television service so the baby can watch cartoons while she washes dishes, etc. THAT's her logic."

too funny, then I was unfit mother because I never had cable. LOL

"she NEEDS television service so the baby can watch cartoons while she washes dishes, etc. THAT's her logic."

I don't think I believe the woman washes dishes. Didn't you say her place was a pigsty?

Also, druggies don't usually eat much.

Sounds like a good plan IMA! When her gravy train stops though I am sure she will fight getting off it!