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Not sure what to do.

12 years ago

I am back. I posted something about my SD on 12/31 that had to do with her coming to our house the Friday after xmas to both drop off and collect her gifts from us. She walked into our house and announced that I was the only person that she hadn't gotten a gift for b/c she'd run out of money.

Well, it came up again last night and tonight b/c her younger sister caught wind of it. I was doing fairly well at letting it go, but now it's really eating at me. The younger SD was actually outraged by it and she said that her sister was just like her mother. She also said that if I hadn't been around them for the past 15 years, and had just met them, that I would have assumed that they weren't raised very well. She then made a comment to me and her BF's mom - that even if I am not really part of the family, just a step, that it was still rude. I don't think that the comment was said maliciously b/c we do get along but I do feel like I took another hit.

Anyway, here I am. I feel like Thurman a bit and I am already anticipating next xmas, weddings and other family events. I honestly feel that DH should say something to his DD, but the horse has already been out of the barn for more than one week, so it's a little too late. She is also in her late 20's, and probably not going to be responsive anyway. I'm sure he is worried that she won't come around if he does speak up. I know it will hurt DH if I tell him that I do not want to be included in anything that involves his oldest, but I am tired of feeling like a litter box. Spreading the hurt around isn't so bad is it? Do I speak up or suck it up?

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Comments (2)

imamommy
12 years ago
I think it would be appropriate for you to talk to the younger SD and tell her that it hurt your feelings to hear her say your just a "step" as if it's not really a part of the family. It sounds as if she meant well and was even defending you and acknowledging her sister's behavior is rude & unacceptable, but in doing so she inadvertently hurt you too. I would guess that she didn't mean it and if you were to share how it feels, she would probably apologize and choose her words more carefully. Perhaps if she were told that you are family & want her to think of you as family, then it might make a difference.

In this case, I don't think your DH should talk to her unless it would be uncomfortable for you to tell her. As a stepchild, my dad would say something if he felt one of us kids were not being nice to his wife... and that is fine. But, if my stepmom were to share her feelings with me, it would have made me feel closer to her. (that is, if you WANT to have a relationship with her) It might be better received if you were to say something to the effect of "I really appreciate your support over what happened with your sister but it stung a little to hear you say that I'm not really part of your family or that I'm JUST a step because I'd like us to think of it as more than that." It's worth a shot.. or you can suck it up and add it to your storage of resentment. But, from the way you describe it, she sees things for what they are (and isn't putting her mom on a pedestal either) and was somewhat defending you and to me, that shows an opening for working toward a better relationship with her. The older sister, I might keep the distance from her.
momof3_stepof1
12 years ago
I agree with Ima, I don't think she meant anything bad by it.
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