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Holiday blues.

Posted by barnmom (My Page) on
Mon, Nov 26, 07 at 16:08

Each year it creeps up and bites me on the a**. From Thanksgiving through Valentine's Day I am in a funk. These dates also encompass my birthday. I slap on a grin for the public and get through it and am so relieved when it's all over but it sure isn't much fun.

Anyone else?


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: Holiday blues.

my birthday is on christmas day!!! it's funny i should read this right now because i am really feeling it heavily right now at this moment...i think it's mostly pms that is setting it off today, but never-the-less, i think i have officially started my funk too. I do love thanksgiving though, so mine starts after that.

i have a new BF this year and I dont know how I want to handle christmas this year. I'm really sick of the commercialization of christmas. I honestly do not want to exchange with him....one reason is that I do not know him that well (just 8 months) and have no idea what to get him...it/s very odd how I am feeling around this where he is concerned. I want to tell him that I would rather the two of us give to someone who needs it but I dont know how he will react.

i know so many people just love christmas, but my 20 year old daughter doesnt like it either! I dont know why the two of us dont like this holiday. I do not want to celebrate it at all (except with her the simple way we do, I buy her things she needs and that's it). I wish I could sleep through it....what is wrong with me?

I am so glad you brought this up barnmom, I want to talk to someone about it before I bring it up to my BF. I know this is your thread, maybe I should ask in a new one, but I sure would like to know how to handle this......uuugh!


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RE: Holiday blues.

Hey, hey, hey..., back up a bit. Why is there a problem talking with the new BF? Sounds like this is a lifestyle situation RE your comments about Celebrating Christmas. If this is the case, it might be best to talk about it now so that it won't be an issue later. At this point, I would just ask him what his thoughts are on Christmas, and then gently lead him into a discussion about yours. Eight months isn't a long time, but some people are married - even successfully at times, within that timeframe. Ask yourself if you think he's a keeper. If so, this is certainly a subject for a test run on deep communication. If he's not up to it, make sure that it's worth the time spent in cultivating the relationship much further. That doesn't necessarily mean that you cant' continue in a close friendship. However, if he is a keeper, it would be best to pick his brain a little to see if he can handle the "Christmas funk" as well.

I too think that Christmas is overly commercial. But that doesn't take away the spirit of the season. Celebrate what it means to you. If it doesn't have any special meaning for you, that's OK too. Not sure it's something to be blue about. That's your taste - like a favorite color. Enjoy the other parts of your day and the next few months.


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RE: Holiday blues.

I have a friend that goes through the same holiday blues. Her reason is that she does not have any pleasant memories of family gatherings. Her mother would work hard getting the holiday meals together, and the rest of her siblings would just get drunk and have fights.

Yet, I believe we all have a choice about how we let some situations affect us. Christmas is definitely over commercialized, but that doesn't mean we have to follow that. Get in the spirit of the season by wanting to make someone else happy, e.g., a child, friend, or even a stranger. If you are alone, then DO IT FOR YOURSELF! I live by myself, and although my DD abd family live closeby and I go to their home for the holidays, I still put up a live tree and decorate my home. I love to come in the house and see the beautiful glow the lights on the tree cast. I get excited about finding gifts for my daughter and family, and my mom. I also participate at our church and so there is always something to do there. This year, I am really considering having a few people over for a light lunch/dinner just to get more in the spirit of sharing!

Gabrielesgarden, as for your BF, I don't think it should be a big deal. In a casual conversation, just ask what he does for Christmas, and you bring up how you feel. Wait and see what he will do. I think girls and women now don't give guys/men a chance to do for us. If he gives you a gift, then offer to take him out to lunch. If your relationship continues, then you can consider giving him a gift next time. Could your 20 yo daughter have picked up your negative feelings about Christmas, and that's why she doesn't like the holiday?

Enough said.


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RE: Holiday blues.

I absolutely hate this time of year. I like the religious part of Christmas, but hate the shopping, wrapping, cooking, opening presents part. I'm so over it. I've been this way ever since my father passed away. I used to get such a kick out of shopping for other people - but I don't even enjoy that anymore.

Wake me up in January.


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RE: Holiday blues.

I don't like Christmas either - far too commercialized and phony. I would prefer to be on the beach in Florida with someone I really care about.

I 'do' Christmas all year long - if someone wants/needs something, they just ask, and I usually take care of it right then.

I have had some lovely Christmas holidays over the past years - one I remember with great fondness - the year was 2003 - absolutely delightful 'gifts' was I given!!! Among those gifts was a single gold rose - gorgeous! I will never forget the rest of the gifts, either! LOL


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RE: Holiday blues.

When I was much younger, holidays were a time of year when it seemed the house was full of people that would never be able to get together the rest of the year. The last few years, it's been a frustrating act of futility to even make any plans because everyone is always riding the fence. I just play it by ear now and don't expect anything so there aren't any disappointments. 2003 was a very memorable Christmas for me also, Jo.


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RE: Holiday blues.

I stumbled on this post while searching for bed reviews!!! I was actually happy to see there are others like me..."wake me up in Jan"..And my b day is jan 5 ( all my life, happy bday and merry xmaas)
I dont have kids and I think that is why i get sad..i feel like halloween / xmas is a kid thingg...and I just get bummed out...a lot due to commercialization..it is disgusting ( i am christian and believe) but there is NOTHING about God and xmas in all the commercials!!

I say...like the poster who said do smething for yourself..check this out.. GO TO LAS VEGAS!!..My old man and I went to vegas for thanksgiving this year..it rocked ..new tradition for me..screw everyone and treat yourself!! Merry Christmas TO ME I say!!!


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RE: Holiday blues.

Nice to meet you, Sushi! Yep, I agree - that's why I treated myself to a trip to Florida for TG - I got to see my Grandchildren AND lay on the beach - all just for ME!


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RE: Holiday blues.

Sounds like a Florida meet and greet is in order!


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RE: Holiday blues.

Mimi, are you from Florida? I would be moving to Panama City Beach or one of the neighboring areas. If anyone has any suggestions regarding housing, etc. let me know. Thanks!


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RE: Holiday blues.

Mimi, it just occurred to me to check your GW page. I see that you are in Florida - where are you?


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RE: Holiday blues.

Not positive Jo, but I believe that is Barb...(maybe changed user names at one time or another?)...I recall her being from Tampa area, but could be wrong.


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RE: Holiday blues.

To add to the thread though, it would be cool if I could get down that way and have a get together with friends from this board. Who knows, if something can get organized we can get a gang together for a weekend to put faces to the words we type. As far as the holidays, not going to let them get me down. I'll be gone for a few days after this Thursday, as I am going to be visiting Ava and her parents in Manhattan. Between being so busy with work and being frugal with my vacation time I have to use it or lose 3 days in the next month....Still haven't decided what to do with one more day. Maybe Christmas or New Years Eve.


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RE: Holiday blues.

Thanks, Michael. I have a dear friend who lives in Tampa and have spent a month with her - lovely weather. It is in the low 30's here tonight and coooollllllddddd!


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RE: Holiday blues.

Hi guys! Yes, it's me - Barbara. I live just north of Tampa. I look at the weather channel and webcams from upstate NY (my hometown(s)) and think - gee, I'm in shorts and a sleeveless shirt!

Although I'm not happy with the upcoming holidays, I'll make the best of it, I'm sure.

Sure would love to meet all of you - you all sound like a great bunch of people.

Barbara


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RE: Holiday blues.

I was 99.9999999 sure it was you Barbara, I'd just been gone for long enough where I was doubting my memory...heh...We'll have to see what we all can work out....it would be a fun time, I'm sure.


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RE: Holiday blues.

I'm not a Christian, so I don't do Christmas, but I used to when the kids were young. Now they're both grown and gone, and I'm living in a place where I have no relatives (a good thing, actually) and my friends all spend time with their families during the holidays, so I do get a little lonesome sometimes.

Mostly, I get tired of explaining to people why I don't do Christmas. Even when I was a Christian, I hated the commerciality of it all. It seems to get worse every year. I went into Wal Mart BEFORE Halloween, and they were playing Christmas music. Disgusting.

I just get the holiday "blahs", I guess. I just don't care one way or the other about it.


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RE: Holiday blues.

FL get together sounds great! I normally wouldn't even think about doing this, but everyone here seems like a normal bunch of great folks that I would love to meet.

sushiqueen - I know about the Christmas/Birthday thing. DD was a bicentennial New Year's baby. It was so hard trying to celebrate her birthday - right after the Chrismas holiday and after "hanging out" all night for NY's Eve. I think we did a good job though. We always did something special just for her. I know she got tired of it though. My BD is in the middle of January so at least the Christmas decorations were down most of the time by then. My BD was always the start of the new year for me - always made it special for me and included the whole world, just to separate it from the holidays.

My family has dwindled down to almost nothing - I'm divorced and my DD is no longer with us. I have a sister and 2 nephews with their 3 kids, but one nephew doesn't celebrate holidays so it's difficult at best to get the family together at those times. Kind of tough to celebrate the spirit. The commerciality of Christmas has made it worse. I love Christmas but wish family was closer, just to hide the commercial stuff.


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RE: Holiday blues.

A relative newcomer to this forum, this thread brought a smile to my face. I've been the weird duck around here for a long time. Thought I was the only guy in the world to dread Thanksgiving to Easter.

I used to really enjoy Christmas. It was "my" holiday, I guess. I enjoyed a little decorating, a live tree, lights, giving gifts that I really planned for and thought for the entire year to get just the right thing and often I'd do a lot of shopping on about the 23rd of December... Yes I enjoyed it.

Then I started working in retail.... (Need I say more? LOL) The Christmas music in October, the grouchy people, etc, etc. Never really liked the "family" get-togethers anyway. Since my Mother died some cousins were hosting and you had to kind of toe-the-line to their expectations. Obviously if you're not married, you must be gay... If you don't have kids, you're flat out weird, and/or a child-hater and so much so they put such pressure on their own kids it was awful and showed in their relationships. So I didn't go to them too often.

I tried to change, but they did moreso. Became lying backstabbing interlopers, long story but suffice to briefly recap it that way. I couldn't take it anymore and said never again. I did spend a lot of time with co-workers who had a strange schedule like I did and understood it. We'd have a get-together of our own and watch a football game and have a few drinks.

Last year was the first year in nearly 20 years that I felt some Christmas spirit. I enjoyed the lights and drove around a time or two to look at it. Thought about putting up a string myself. Didn't. But this year I got a 4' prelit tree at a garage sale for $2. I put it up. I like it. So do the cats!

Never been overly religious. Have certain beliefs. But I've started to make the best of the holidays. Thanksgiving and Christmas I try to do something special for myself, usually make myself a special meal. I usually use a different theme. One year it was "traditional", then I did Italian, another time it was Scandinavian favorites, another time I did "fast food done right" another time it was comfort food....

Oh, and I had thought several times about taking a little trip to get away on the holidays, but the problem is that it's such a popular travel time, argh! That's a whole new can of worms!

My gift list has been cut WAY down. And I don't dread the season so much anymore. It was conflicting anyway since I actually enjoy winter!

If you want my opinion on what to do about telling the BF your thoughts, I'd say bring it up. When I've been socializing with a gal, I say up front that I'm not big on the holidays and then see their thoughts. I appreciate when they tell me. If it's a huge thing to them, it probably would not go far. But that's OK. One GF would simply go and spend the time with her family at their big celebration and I'd stay home. I was fine with that. If her family asked, she'd simply say I was with my family, which was honest enough for them! And we could have quality time without the holiday pressure.

Hope the season is tolerable to all!


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RE: Holiday blues.

cynic...I never really thought about it, but maybe it was when I started in retail that I, too, gave up on Christmas. I was like you, loved it, wanted a real tree, decorated like the dickens, bought everyone just the right gift. I don't know if it was the kids leaving, or the retail thing, but my disillusionment with Christmas did coincide with my beginning of working retail.


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RE: Holiday blues.

cynic - Christmas isn't really about gift giving and decorations. We do those things to make it more festive. If decorating does not make it festive for you and gift giving is an unbearable chore, then find another way to celebrate the season. Some people volunteer at community dinners or soup kitchens or donate what would be spent on gifts to a favorite charity. Our local community center has a Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner for those less fortunate. And don't forget our soldiers serving overseas. Do something to make their Christmas better.

I'm not an "organized" religion" type of person but do believe in the basic concepts of religion. You can't really go wrong if you follow those concepts, no matter what your religious beliefs are.

I hope you can find some way to bring joy back into your life. You deserve it.


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RE: Holiday blues.

Good points pris - every year I say that I'm going to do something special for "others" that aren't able to experience the joys of the holiday season. Every year, just about, I don't honor that promise as I would like to. Following those concepts, as you say, are great ways to celebrate the season, and may just help to add to the joy. It doesn't take a lot to do that for some. Yes, we can do these same things all year, but at this time of the year, times are often more difficult because this is a family time - many just don't have the means to get together to share the joys. Many loose their jobs during the winter months, those living on the street have to face greater adversity because of the cold weather. And as you mentioned, there is a war going on these day and short of having their loved ones safely at home, I think some of the families facing separation, would really appreciate the showing of our "love and appreciation". As far as I'm concerned if I have more that the next guy, in health, wealth, than I have enough to share. And it doesn't take much to bring a smile.

I'll work harder on that.


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RE: Holiday blues.

Many children do without,this time of year....some stores have angel trees where you can choose to make a child's Christmas something to remember...contacting the local school counselor will allow you to donate to kids that they are aware of that are living near the poverty level....there are links on the internet to send a soldier a Christmas wish
(no matter your political stance, they still are many miles away from home, despite their preference)...even though none of these people know you, just the thought of someone thinking of them brings a lot of joy to their hearts.


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RE: Holiday blues.

I forgot about those Angel Trees. I bought a bunch last year but haven't seem them this year - probably because I haven't been to the mall much this year. Thanks for the reminder - I'll have to check ti out, and the soldier thing as well.


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RE: Holiday blues.

Have you considered being evaluated for Seasonal Affected Disorder (SAD)? Maybe it's not the holidays, but the fact that it is cold, dark, and dreary all the time. My BD is end of January, and by then I am usually ready to shoot myself from being cold and dark. And I live in NC- it's not even that cold! I'm getting evaluated this year because I've been hit harder than normal. Hopefully all I need is a nice light box. But I would not object to the doctor writing a prescription for a nice Caribbean cruise!


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RE: Holiday blues.

If you are referring to me, I don't have SAD. My holiday blues are existential not sunlight or climate oriented. I live in sunny California and today is a bright sunny day with nary a hint of a cloud at the moment.

My holiday issues date back to childhood when our house was gutted by fire not long before Christmas. I'm actually doing better than I expect to this time of year. I have learned to scale back both what I commit to doing and my own expectations. I focus on my kids and their happiness and life is simpler and far more pleasing to me.


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RE: Holiday blues.

Barnmom, I'm coming to CA!!!

I know about house fires - our house wasn't gutted, but 2 in one year; OMG!! The 2nd was on New Year's morning. Fire is truly it's own spirit; it even talks to some (firebugs). And I know that whatever it decides to do can leave a pretty big scar. Glad you recognize your feelings and are working through them.

Scaling back is good for us all - this is just too much for the human psyche. To many expectations, of ourselves, and from others. I bet if we normalized, no one would have anything bad to say.


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