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One more ? for those that have inquiring minds and want to know

Posted by Tinmantu (My Page) on
Fri, Sep 26, 03 at 21:59

Dang, Dirtytoes or Brownose or whoever it was that claimed this site should be euthanized got me inspired (or some other word) I guess....I think that a lot of people that visit a single life site would like to know what others do, to meet people...myself, I am not into the bar scene (never believed I was going to find the girl of my dreams there), I'm not a church goer (not an atheist, but I do have my issues with organized religion)keep in mind that we don't all live in big cities where entertainment is plentiful...Does anyone have any suggestions, as I am sure that I am not the only person in this world that has this attitude and we might actually be helping a lurker out there that has't even signed on...that has to be worth a gold star in the big picture, doesn't it?


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: One more ? for those that have inquiring minds and want to kn

I'm not planning on dating for awhile, so I'm probably not the best source for ideas.

But what about joining social groups? There's hiking, bicycling, gardening, birdwatching, you get the picture. How about volunteering at a soup kitchen, animal shelter, or maybe at a youth center.

I don't have any kids, but lots of my friends meet other women friends through their kids.

For those into organized religion, there are lots of opportunities to make friends. Lots of larger churches have Singles groups and Divorce recovery groups.

What about blind dates? I know 2 very happily married couples that met through a blind date.

Puddlejumper


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RE: One more ? for those that have inquiring minds and want to kn

Good suggestions, thanks!...that is what I was hoping for when I started the thread....I'm sure there are lurkers out there that look into this site looking for answers and are disappointed when no one is talking.


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RE: One more ? for those that have inquiring minds and want to kn

Ouch! That wasn't nice! At least my comment got this forum rolling again!


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RE: One more ? for those that have inquiring minds and want to kn

I haven't met Mr Right through ballroom dancing classes, but by golly I've made a lot of new friends, and there are always Potentials! I've also found that volunteer work can get you meeting many new people - try child-minding services or hospitals or charity shops etc. Singles groups and clubs can sometimes become meat-markets if not properly run, but if you're aware of this, it gives you opportunities to go out with a group of people, where you just might bump into someone outside the group - or within it! Gardening clubs are very good places to be. Or do a series of short courses at an evening college - try Home Mechanics, horticulture, Business management, photography, cooking, languages - all sorts of things are available. Or open up a stall at a local market, selling whatever it is you like - home-made babies clothes, jams, plants, arty-crafty things, collectable bottles, whatever.


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RE: One more ? for those that have inquiring minds and want to kn

These are all great suggestions! Lately, I've been getting encouragement to take up dancing. That sounds like a good idea. I also read something recently that suggested a couple of regular daily-life type things. For example, instead of making coffee at home each morning, go to Starbucks and drink it there (or some variation on the theme - ie get out of the house!), you'll at least be around people instead of by yourself. Another suggestion was to ALWAYS look decent when you leave the house. I have a tendency to go to Home Depot and the grocery store in dirty gardening jeans, an old sweatshirt, etc., ensuring that no man will look at me twice. Also, tell EVERYONE you know that you're looking.

I've been doing online dating now for a couple of months. While maybe not ideal, I've met several interesting men that I never would have met otherwise. Another advantage to dating online is that you can get information from most Internet profiles that wouldn't be appropriate questions to ask in the first few dates, but that are standard online questions. For example whether they want kids, whether they're looking for a serious relationship or for "play", etc.


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RE: One more ? for those that have inquiring minds and want to kn

Well, what about on-line dating? Just MHO, but I would be really leery with this approach. I suspect the potential for connecting with a nut case might be higher than in a face-to-face encounter. If anyone has had experience with this - please share!

Puddlejumper


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RE: One more ? for those that have inquiring minds and want to kn

sorry browntoestoo, yep your comment inspired me....hope the smack didn't hurt too bad, but I figured one good smack deserved another , ....I'll try to remember your name and have it right next time :)...I look forward to more contributive posts from you on the singles forum


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RE: One more ? for those that have inquiring minds and want to kn

puddlejumper,

I've only been doing online dating for a couple of months, have gone out with four different men (one to 4 dates each). While none turned out to be the man I'm going to spend the rest of my life with, each was a nice non-crazy man who I enjoyed my time with. So far, I'm feeling pretty good about online dating. Plus, several people I know have met their spouses/boyfriends online.


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RE: One more ? for those that have inquiring minds and want to kn

Hi everyone!! What about fix-ups by friends?? During my 20's (I'm 41 now), I was fixed up three or four times by friends and two of those turned into decent relationships. Although they are now part of my past, I have no regrets about either of them. Now, I've had the chance to reciprocate and play the role of matchmaker. I have a friend who was divorced about 7-8 years ago (she was around 45 at the time). After about 5 years of no dating prospects, it occurred to me that she might be right for a man in my neighborhood who had been divorced for about the same length of time (and due to similar circumstances). Although she always said she didn't mind not dating, I think deep down, she missed it. So, over the course of a year (didn't want to rush things - LOL!), I dropped a few hints to her about him and looked for the perfect opportunity to introduce them. Finally, someone had a neighborhood party and I seized the opportunity!! After their first date, my neighbor called me and wanted to know why I didn't introduce him to "that lovely lady" sooner. That was about 18 months ago and they're still going strong -- in fact, right now, they're vacationing in Colorado. I think the secret to fixing up friends is agreeing ahead of time is that if it doesn't work out, nobody is going to hold it against anybody else. Just another one of my experiences....

Janet


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RE: One more ? for those that have inquiring minds and want to kn

Stop being so shy! Talk to complete strangers in grocery stores. Take your dog to a park and sit on a bench. People will come to admire your dog and talk to you. Look for people who could be your neighbor RIGHT HERE on Gardenweb! If you see someone from a neighboring city, email them and say hello. You might meet the mate of your dreams, and all along he/she could be right under your nose! If nothing else, you have made a new aquaintenance.


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RE: One more ? for those that have inquiring minds and want to kn

You know, I tend to be one of those people that strikes up conversations in the grocery store, on the street, etc. EXCEPT when for when I'm in the proximity of a good looking man. Then I get all shy and anxious and nervous and I can barely smile at him.

So, a couple of weekends ago, I was sitting in the house by myself, on a beautiful fall day, and I gave myself a little nudge. I got changed into clothes that I knew fit me well, in flattering colors, put on just a tad of mascara and lipstick, and went for a walk.

I decided that I was going to smile and say hello to as many people as possible, especially good looking men. So, I set off on my mission. I said hi to some kids hanging on a corner, I talked to an older couple who joined me as I was chatting with a cat in a window (greeting the cat was a small detour from my appointed mission, but it did give me something to interact with the couple about), etc. So, I'm warmed up now, after talking to some of the "non-pressure" type people who are easy for me to talk to, and I see a cute guy walking toward me. I muster my courage and resolve. I smile warmly and say "hi". He keeps moving closer to me, a smile forming on his face, and warm "hello" on his lips. That's when I noticed the cell phone cord in his ear and the far away look in his eyes.

*sigh*

It took me a few blocks to recover from that and to resume my mission.


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RE: One more ? for those that have inquiring minds and want to kn

LOL - HEY - you took a GIANT step - now, get out there and FLIRT! Keep an eye on this guy - if he has a girlfriend NOW, there's a 50% or greater chance that he won't have her in a month from now! You've gotten over the barbed wire fence, now you GO girl!


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RE: One more ? for those that have inquiring minds and want to kn

Good for you Carrie....when a person analyzes what their inhibitions are and makes an effort to correct them, only good things can come from it....by getting out and about like you did you made a positive move forward...keep at it, good things will come out of it


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RE: One more ? for those that have inquiring minds and want to kn

Hi ya'll. Kay just introduced me to this site a few minutes ago. So I'm gonna add my two cents worth here.

Blind dates are awful! I don't do them. Friends fixing me up works better, but not quite well enough. Tried online dating. Total fiasco! Perhaps I'm too picky. I've been single for years. My last serious relationship was about 12 yrs ago. I dated some but decided I liked my own company best. I've become quite happy being alone. Ya know, "one less bell to answer, one less egg to fry." I hate cooking! Do you think that's a major flaw?? LOL

So I was hanging out with myself, certain I'm happy that way. I have all kinds of hobbies and friends to occupy me. So I never really cared whether I dated anytime soon. Until...

I went out of town to visit a friend for the weekend and we dressed up in costume and went to a Halloween party at a bar. OMG it was a blast! I fully intended to get a drink, sit at a table and just listen to music. But about 15 minutes after sitting down, a handsome fella came and insisted I dance with him. He wouldn't take no for an answer, and I finally gave in to his sparkling eyes and genuine smile. We ended up dancing the night away. He was a great dancer! I felt clumsy and awkward and he said I was perfect and beautiful.

And now you're gonna laugh. When the evening was over, he asked for my number, and I stammered around and changed the subject and never gave it to him. I was suddenly so shy and unsure!! I felt like I was back in Jr. High!!! And now I sit here kicking my own butt! My friends are gonna try to find him for me. Do you think that's too forward? I feel like such a fool!! But I haven't dated in YEARS!

Anyway, it's good for a laugh. You gotta know me because generally I'm so self assured and gutsy. My friends couldn't believe the sudden shyness and stuttering. LOL

So, um, I vote for the bar scene. Make sure he's a dancer rather than a drinker. LOL

Casper


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RE: One more ? for those that have inquiring minds and want to kn

LOL Casper - time to go out of town again! Just remember that if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, it's probably a duck! If you meet someone in a certain arena, and that person seems confident and at ease, that's probably his/her regular environment. In most cases you won't be able to take them from that arena. My experience is that if you meet a guy in a bar and he obviously is drinking, don't gripe later that he drinks. The old saying "all that sparkles isn't gold" is so true here. Ya, he's the life of the party in his element of comfort, ie the bar, but can he carry on life with such zeal when he's SOBER? That's the true test of his social abilities. Unless you would be willing to keep him drunk, he probably won't bring a lot of pleasure to your life, but then - are you willing to buy his beer, 'cause he won't be able to keep a job. LOL You probably already know all of this, but it never hurts to do a reality check once in a while.


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RE: One more ? for those that have inquiring minds and want to kn

Carrie -- You keep right on talking to people. You never know.....that older couple might just have a son, grandson or nephew available!!

Janet


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