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Heeelp!PLease!

Posted by b_nmi (My Page) on
Tue, Sep 20, 11 at 15:03

Sorry but i didn't know where to post this.So...
Hello,
I'm in a very stressful situation here and i really need the opinion of an outsider because i don't know what to do.
So i broke up with my ex boyfriend 2 months ago,we have been together for almost 3 years.During our relationship my mother always kept telling me that he is no good for me,he only holds me back,has a bad influence on me and so on.I broke up with him twice and always ended up getting back together because when i broke up with him my mother then kept telling me that i'll never find someone who loves me that much and i'll never find someone as good as him,this was while we were separated,after we made up my mom started saying that he only holds me back and is no good for me,At this point i didn't know what to do so i didn't pay attention to what my mother was saying.After a while i realized that i don't love this man,he started annoying me,we were constantly fighting so i decided to end the relashionship.Shortly after the break-up i found someone new with who i feel very good,i truly love him,he is 100 times better than my ex boyfriend,he's kind,understanding,loving and we are just on the same page with everything...i have been friends with this guy for a very long time before we got together so i know he won't make me suffer and would never do anything to hurt me.I know him very well.He is 4 years older than me,i'm 20.He has a masters degree,has a job,loves animals and that's very important because i'm an animal lover myself.So the problem here is that i told my mother about us,and now she doesn't even want to hear about the new guy because she says that it's his fault that i broke up with my ex-bf.And she really makes me feel how much she hates him.She kept all my gifts from my ex boyfriend,she keeps a picture of me and my ex in her room and doesn't let me throw it away.I would like to get rid of everything that reminds me of my ex because i don't really have good memories.My ex used to do drugs while we were together,he occasionally smoked pot.i never did because i hate that kind of stuff.When i told this to my mother she didn't believe it but immediately said that she is positive that i smoke pot not him.She never had faith in me,treats me like a complete idiot...even though i never did anything bad in my life.I always had good grades in school and college,i have scholarship,never had problems with my behavior..the only thing wrong with me is that i have low self-esteem so i rarely stand up for myself.My mom has a strong personality,i can't put up with her.It really hurts that my mother doesn't even care if i'm happy or not in this relationship,she said that she doesn't even want to meet him,ever.This period is very hard for me because all my friends are mad at me and won't speak to me because i broke up with my ex and shortly after i got together with the new guy.They think that i cheated on my ex,but i could never ever do something like that.I don't really care about my friends because i never really liked them,i was just friends with them because of my ex,they are just a bunch of potheads.But i do care about my mother who seems to love my ex more than she loves me.I hate being home because she always finds something hurtful to say.Always mentions my ex.
I forgot to mention that i have a brother,who is 11 years older than me,Very successful man.I always feel like she is very proud of her son,would never say anything bad about him...and embarrassed about me.It's like she thinks that i can't make a decision by myself,it's like i'm an idiot.
I hope that it's understandable what i have written. English isn't my native language so i'm positive that i made lots of mistakes,sorry for that, and i have never been good at explaining things and writing texts.
Thank you for taking a few minutes and paying attention to my problem.
Forgot to say that my current boyfriend doesn't hang around junkies.


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: Heeelp!PLease!

So....how many places ya gonna post this?


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RE: Heeelp!PLease!

Sorry,was desperate for an answer;)


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RE: Heeelp!PLease!

Sorry to hear about your Mom. No wonder you are confused if you are listening to her. You need to think independently since you cannot rely on her opinion. Do you have a good friend you trust that knows you and can give you some insight? It is not an emergency, you have plenty of time to think about this and don't do anything you think is self-destructive or that you are uncomfortable with while you take time to sort out your thoughts. This will be a growth opportunity for you if you are able to make a good decision independently. You are very young and will make mistakes, but you can learn from them. Maybe a counselor could help while you are going through this process, it will give you a subjective person to work through the family issues with. Good luck.


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RE: Heeelp!PLease!

Well I'll stick to what i want,eventually she'll get over it.
I could discuss it with a friend but a friend would say what i want to hear and not what would be right.
I'll be alright.Calmed down since i wrote that message.I'm not so desperate now,or confused.I know what i want and i'll stick to it.
Thank you so much for your message.
Take care


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RE: Heeelp!PLease!

If it were me I would move 3 or 4 states away. If you really think you have found your true love, take him with you.

My son is in a dysfunctional marriage and that is the advice the doctors gave him. He didn't do it and he has the same problems he had 30 years ago. Because he doesn't have a backbone, he will be moaning and groaning about the same problems when he is 60 years old.


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RE: Heeelp!PLease!

That's what i'm planing to do.But i can't move at the moment.I have to wait at least 2 years till i can.But when i do,it will be very far,so i know she can't interfere in my life,not her not anybody.
I would really like to learn from my own mistakes.


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RE: Heeelp!PLease!

You do need to move, because if your Mom is driving you nuts over a boyfriend, just wait until you get married and have kids. So many opportunities to give you bad advice and make you feel like an idiot.Its hard to imagine that a mother who is normal would prefer a druggy boyfriend.


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