Carrie:

Don't know where to start... I have done it a lot... unfortunately some very bad experiences. I am finding a lot of liars out there... most recently just yesterday. The guy I had been talking with for a long time is really married and is still with his wife. A far cry from the legal separation - living apart scenario I was told.

I'm literally heart broken as although we had never met, we were very close.

Barbara_Tampa

What a drag, Barbara! I'm so sorry that happened to you, it must be incredibly painful.

An aquaintance of mine, who is now married to a man she met a few years ago on the Internet, had the following reccomendations:

1. Email back and forth BRIEFLY.
2. Talk on the phone EARLY on.
3. Meet after ONE or TWO phone calls max.

I think her suggestions make sense in terms of getting to know someone outside of the Internet. In some ways you really can get to know someone online, but not in others.

I've specified in my preferences that I only want to meet men who live in my area, so that avoids any good excuse for not meeting for a cup of coffee or something fairly early.

I'll also add that so far, I've always asked guys for THEIR phone number, and haven't given them mine till we've spoken at least once. When I call for the first time, I block caller ID. Not that these things prevent anyone from lying, they don't, but it's so much easier to lie when you're far away and only have an Internet/phone relationship.

So, Barbara, have you met any nice guys? Men who maybe you could be friends with even if a relationship didn't work out?

Barbara, I am so sorry. So glad that you didn't get even more involved/attached with this man. I'm also glad that you have had sense enough not to further your relationship with him being that he is married. So glad that you found out early on. You could have been hurt so much more. I'm sorry that you are heart broken.How did you find out if you don't mind me asking? Also, how long did the communicating go on before you found out?
I've always heard that you should try to find someone relatively close by also. Makes it easy to lie having a distance between you and also makes it hard to visit in person.
Carrie, how do you block caller ID?
Lu

In my area, you can block caller ID by dialing *67 before dialing the phone number. I don't know if that's a national number or just regional. I called my local phone company and they told me what to do.

Apparently, some people have their phone set up so as not to accept caller-ID-blocked calls. I haven't run into that yet, but if I did I would email the person to explain why I didn't call at the appointed time.

Of course, someone who is scary/a liar could sound perfectly OK on the phone. So giving out my number at the end of the first call does carry some inherent risk.

Barbara, sorry to hear about your bad experience....one of the bad things about the internet is that anyone can say that they are something, and until you actually get to know the person, you have no idea if they are telling the truth...if your heart is vulnerable (or if you are new to the 'net) then you want to believe that this person is telling you the truth...I'd be willing to bet that it happens a lot more often than any of us can possibly imagine.

That being said, in reply to Carrie's question, Have Patience if you do it, Barbara is a classic example of what can happen..... I have had 2 internet relationships....one started in 1996 when I first got the internet, met a lady in a chatroom and we became friends that chatted or talked on the phone almost nightly...she was honest about herself, telling me that she was physically handicapped, heart problems, etc....after knowing her for about 6 months the friendship grew and we were able to meet..(she lived 600 miles away which makes long distance relationships almost impossible)...the relationship bloomed and she had a heart attack and passed away less than a year later....

In that same time frame, I was in a single parents group getting support from other parents that were dealing with a teenager and met another lady...it was very casual emailing back and forth for 2 years getting and giving advice about our kids, before anything romantic was even mentioned...I was at a time in my life where my boss had died and the company was being liquidated and she suggested that I try to find work down there, so I decided that I'd make a go for it and start a new life...it went well for about 6 months but things that were happening "back home" and disagreements on things that were happening "there" caused me to move out...sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't.....the bottom line, don't give your heart to anyone that has the ability to type what you might want to hear...get to know them, just like you would a stranger that you meet in a bar before you give out important info, let alone give your heart

Sorry for the rant...back to your regular programming now :)

I signed up with Match.com about 18 months ago and over the course of the first ten months, "cyber met" about 40 men in my area. Some e-mail threads were very brief and ended quickly when we realized we weren't right for each other. Most of the time we would arrange to call or meet after about two weeks of e-mailing. I'm pretty nosy and asked A LOT of questions in my e-mails (family, work, kids, hobbies, etc.). I can't say that I really had any bad experiences -- only one married man, most I didn't really care for after I met them and one that I really liked, but I guess I wasn't right for him. Then, in January, I hit the jackpot!! I met a man who treats me better than anyone I've ever dated and we both dropped our membership two or three weeks after we met. My sweetie and I met at a popular restaurant for lunch at noon and did not leave until 4:00 p.m. (yes, we gave the waitress a good tip) -- we hit it off so well, we joked about just staying there for dinner. If, for some reason, our relationship doesn't work out, I would definitely sign up again -- simply because I don't have much occasion to met nice, normal, 40ish men.

My advice if you're considering it:
E-mail for a couple of weeks and gather just as much information as you can. Once you have first and last name, search the internet for legal records (you'd be surprised what you can find out). When you meet, do so during the day in a very public place and try not to let him see your vehicle or get your tag number (maybe borrow a car). Let your friends know where and when you're meeting and provide them with as much information as possible about your date -- check in with them after the date, so they know everything is OK (and if they're like my friends, they'll want to know all the details!!). I even went as far as carrying a knife with me, just in case. Do I sound paranoid and overly cautious?? LOL Yes, but I'd rather be safe than sorry!! Actually, I ended up meeting some very nice men.

Carrie -- Good luck and let us know what happens, I'd love to hear some good stories!!

Janet

I love hearing stories like yours, Janet! And Mike, thank you for your cautions, they are very wise. And thanks for sharing your stories as well.

A friend of my sister's met her husband online, and my coworker's nephew is getting married this weekend to a woman he met through jdate (a Jewish personals site), so I know it happens! And Janet, I'm with you about it being tough to meet 40'ish men (I'll be 38 this fall). So far, I'm pleased with the way the Internet stuff is going.

In the month I've been signed up (match.com and jdate.com), I've been out on two dates with one nice man, had email and phone conversations with two other nice-sounding guys (I'll probably meet at least one of them next week), and have emailed a few more.

I did have one creepy guy (who looked surprisingly nice/normal in his profile) instant message me with attempts to draw me into pornographic discussion. I've since blocked his attempts to communicate.

Janet, I'll look forward to hearing your updates!

Carrie

Good luck to you Carrie....sorry if my warnings came across too strong, but I had to personally help out online friends that thought they met nice guys and then were stalked with emails and phone calls. so I just had to assume that anyone that would even ask an opinion of internet dating is a "newbie"...there are many good people out there, just get to know them first, was my point.

No apology necessary, Mike. After only one month, I am an Internet dating newbie. I've gotten some good advice and continually ask everyone I know for Internet, relationship and dating advice, so I appreciate it wherever it comes from!

The other thing I'm running into, is not specific to Internet dating but to dating in general. The Internet has just given me the opportunity to actually date for the first time in my life. I've had relationships but nothing much ever led up to them. No getting-to-know you phase, etc. So, now, all of the sudden, I'm learning how to date. So much of it seems like common sense, but there are so very many layers to consider that I'm not even sure I know what common sense is!

So, onward and upward. This is a very interesting adventure I'm on. It is fun and scary.

I hear what you are saying, Carrie.....I live in a very small town where the streets are rolled up every night at 10....No single women to meet, to speak of, that weren't friends with my Ex (the ones I did, met her wrath...LOL)..I've never been a person that felt they were going to meet their life mate in a bar so I have been content living the life that I do....now that my ex and daughter have moved 500 miles away, things might change for me too

Carrie B,
I have met many many men threw the internet (when I was single). I have stayed friends with a few of them. As far as liars - you can meet them anywhere. Married men go to bars, bowling ect. I dont think that is an online thing. I weed out men who ask for my phone number right in their personal ad or right away threw email. I want to get to know someone threw email and instant messenger before I talk to them via phone. The longer the better for me. I used to beware of men that are looking for "friends" or "fun". This to me means they are not looking for a relationship (friends) and fun to me means (sex). If I were single again I would jump back into the internet thing again for sure. Its easy and you can weed them out. Keep us updated

Hey,

I just wanted to tell y'all about a new website I found out about. First I heard an interview with the founder on NPR, and then - within a few days - several people reccomended it to me. It's called Friendster.com, and it is a friend-networking type site either dating and friendship. The deal is that you sign up, invite your friends to sign up, and then they invite their friends. This becomes your friendship network. So, the only people that can contact you, or that you can contact, are friends of friends (or friends of friends of friends...I think you're allowed 4 degrees of separation). So, assuming you have more in common with people you know, and that you may have more in common with people they know than the general population, you could expand your social network.

It seems pretty cool, and it's free to sign up.

CarrieB

Yes..That's how I met my BF of two years. I met a lot of nice guys. I did the online dating off and on for about a year. I can say I never had a bad experience. The major problem is distance. I was lucky enough to find my fellow that only lived 8 miles from me..We are very happy.

I do however have a friend I work with and he's not having any luck..He's a real great guy. He's around 43, no kids...So...any ladies interested in meeting a nice guy in Ohio let me know.
Purd. Email me at diana1857@access4less.net

Hi Purd,

Glad things are going well with you. I keep hearing more and more success stories about Internet dating. Seems that everyone I know has at least one counsin or friend who met their spouse Online. I've been pretty busy dating guys I'm meeting on the Internet, and so far, they've all been nice, interesting men. I have not met any creeps, and the occasional off-color or wierd email I get, I just don't respond to. No big deal.

I had a first date Friday, Saturday, Monday and Tuesday nights, had a second date last night, have a second date scheduled for Sunday, and another second for Tuesday. I'm also emailing a couple of guys who I will probably end up meeting. It is exhausting, but fun. And who knows?

Carrie, I was just checking to see how things are going for you - tell us how you are doing in the dating arena. If anyone else wants to chime in and tell us their latest developements, we'd love to hear from you!

Hi Kay (and everyone else!),

Things are going fine. Here's a question for both men and women on here...what is the best way to gently reject a date?

I went out with two guys a few months back - one I went out with twice and the other three times - who I had a nice time with and thought the dates had went well. They didn't call me and I was left to wonder what happened and if I did/said something to turn them away.

I've taken to telling dates who I don't feel a spark with (or am not attracted to) "Thank you, I had a really nice time with you, you're a really great guy, but I don't think there's any chemistry/romance/relationship potential, good luck to you." I usually say it at the end of the date (usually first date, once a second date), though once, when I didn't say it that evening I left him a phone message after he left me one following that first (and only) date. Now, I know that I would prefer that type of direct approach as opposed to the dissappearing method. Do you all agree that that is kinder? Do both men and women prefer to be told?

Anyway...my dating is going OK. As you may have surmised from the above, I've been out on several dates with men who I chose not to pursue a relationship with. Not bad guys, but if I can't imagine ever kissing (or, uh, eh hem) a guy, then I don't see any purpose in going out on multiple dates, even if the guy is nice. Dating has been up and down. It is both dissappointing and difficult to tell a man (when I think they want to see me again), that I'm not interested, but so it goes...

I've got a third date lined up for Sunday, went out on a second date last week with a man I hope to go out with again, and I am meeting a new man tomorrow evening. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. I do think that Online dating is a great way to meet potential partners, as long as expectations are realistic. I could be doing this for a couple of years before I meet my mate, but this method definitely improves my odds.

Well, Carrie, it sounds as if you are having fun and learning to deal with people again - we tend to forget those skills if we don't use them for a period of time.

To answer your question, I have always used the explanation that "I don't feel this will work for me". It is non-abusive yet effective. I use this in other arenas of my life besides dating. If someone asks me do something that I don't wish to do, I say this: "I don't feel this will work for me" - never have had a rebuttal nor an argument.

I don't know how to ask this question, so will just dive in, hoping it doesn't offend you: How do you know you aren't interested in kissing a guy or "ahem-ing" as you put it - are you basing it on how the guy LOOKS? If so, I hope you will expand your parameters - if Mary Todd had dated Abe Lincoln based on looks - all I can say is I guess she obviously didn't - LOL

My only point is that not all 'diamonds' sparkle until you put the shine on them, and not all that sparkles is gold. I am guilty of judging dating potential based on certain criteria, too. I will tolerate NO FAT and NO STUPIDITY. Needless to say, it limits who I can date. I am very fortunate to have met a great guy right here on Garden Web, and THANK GOD he possesses all the qualities I want in a mate, but I am an Aries, therefore very LUCKY!

Please keep us posted on how it's going with your dating experiences - we all care. Hugs, Kay

Carrie, I think the direct approach is always the best way to handle it....I'd rather hear it right up front, and to be honest I probably already know it before you say it because unless someone is totally naive, they already realize that the date is just going through the motions. The best thing to do is just be open and honest. After all it's just the first date, it's not like they have their hearts involved in it to the point where it's going to scar them. It would be hard for me to judge someone on the first date, but then I have never done true internet dating services and it sounds like a lot of these are more of a blind date situation. I prefer to get to know someone first, then think about if they have possibilities of becoming my SO, later.

Thanks Kay and Mike,

To answer your question, Kay...

How do you know you aren't interested in kissing a guy or "ahem-ing" as you put it - are you basing it on how the guy LOOKS?

Well, to some degree. I'm not much for "classical good looks", but I do generally get a sense of whether I could become attracted to someone. There has to be a spark of wanting to get to know that person, and it is not so much about looks as it is about the entire package. Looks are only a part of that.

And Mike...

unless someone is totally naive, they already realize that the date is just going through the motions.

I would tend to agree, but...there are a few guys who, at the end of the date, eagerly stated, "well, I had a nice time, would you like to go out again?". I think I tend to be a pretty responsive, enthusiastic listener. I ask a lot of questions and I'm fairly easy to be around. So, unless a man is pretty perceptive, he could easily mistake my responses for romantic interest.

I tend to think of myself as pretty perceptive, and I had those two experiences recently where I thought there was potential only to have a man not call after two or three dates.

Internet dating is like a blind date, I think. Though I've never been on any other type of "blind" date. By the time I meet someone, I've usually exchanged a few (3-6) emails, and talked on the phone 1-3 times. Usually we meet one or two weeks after initial contact. I tend to think it is better to meet sooner rather than later. There are things you just can't tell about a person from email and phone. I've heard inumerable stories of people "falling in love" by email/phone - passionately communicating for months on end - only to meet and find ZERO chemistry.

It's the electronic age now Carrie so granted that you have to be a lot more careful of whom you begin to converse with, but I look at it as a medium where it can be just as romantical and promising as it was back in the colonial days when letters were exchanged across the ocean, between two people and the anticipation of finally being together....I'm sure there were flops, but on the other hand, how do those stats add up as compared to hits and misses of dating services?...I have no idea, but it's not a statement that can be accuratly recorded or easily debunked

I like the kind but direct approach.

Speaking of chemistry - I'm way more attracted to voice and intelligence than I am to physical appearance. Although, it's kind of hard to overlook some physical attributes. Also, I will not date a dispassionate or a passive man. Those are the kinds of things I could learn about on a first date.

Puddlejumper, I hear you - you stated my philosophy about people exactly - any man I consider going out with MUST be well-read ie intelligent. I would know this within the first few minutes of a phone/instant messaging conversation, and wouldn't go out with him if he seemed intellectually challenged. As I've stated before, I have set my parameters regarding people very restrictive, meaning I choose to be very selective about whom I will interact with. I would rather have a very few close, intelligent and cultured FRIENDS than lots of so-so acquaintenances.

As for the deep voice - oh, yes - I'll have that in a guy I date as well! LOL It's not a 'requirement', but it charges my battery and gives him a much better chance to be in my life. Can you say "Hello Darlin""!!

Back to the looks/chemistry question.

I went out on a first date on Sunday, and another first date on Tuesday evening. I had exchanged several emails and talked on the phone a few times with each. Both were average looking, but nice, intelligent men.

On Sunday, I had to work to keep conversation flowing, there wasn't a spark. Perhaps, it may have been worth giving another chance, an opportunity to grow into something over time. On the other hand, when I went out with the guy on Tuesday, I laughed more than I have in a very long time. There was "chemistry". I don't think it was about looks as much as the way we related to each other. We "clicked".

Only time will tell if the "click", the "chemistry" can lead to something more. But having that is what makes me want to find out more, to pursue getting to know someone. Without some indication from the start that that is possible, regardless of a person's kindness, intelligence, and even good looks, I'm not interested in pursuing anything.

Kay, I'm still chuckling over "Hello Darlin!" I think we may be looking for the same guy. I agree that well read and able to discuss his interests intelligently without any hint of boorishness is critical.

Carrie - laughing out loud with your date and enjoying instant chemistry sounds like a terrific start. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this guy's potential turns out to be the real thing.

Puddlejumper, I have found a strong contender for ALL the qualities I REQUIRE in a mate - we will see how it progresses, but all the elements are there. If it doesn't develope into anything more than a friendship, I will be THANKFUL for that much.

Ms. Carrie, that instant chemistry may be misleading IMHO - be careful - there are lots of men who know how to be charming and flattering. Please make sure he has the other qualities you desire NOW, because he won't develope them later - TRUST ME on this one. You won't be able to acertain if he has those qualities in one or two or even three or four dates - it takes a chameleon many degrees of temperature change to show all his 'true colors' - don't discount someone because he doesn't create a 'spark' the first couple of times. Many times this type of man actually has respect for you, and not knowing your personality, withholds himself until he is sure he won't offend you. I hope you will take this advice/suggestion in the vein it was intended - advice to not jump to conclusions - from a gal who's been around the block a few times. I want to wish you the best of luck in your dating experiences and thank you for keeping us up-to-date - we really DO CARE!

Here's my latest experience with 'internet dating' - it WORKS! I have been corresponding, thru instant messaging and phone conversations, for about a month, with a very sexy, intelligent and gentle man. I met him right here on Garden Web - how, you ask - I started noticing his responses to posts on several of the forums, then began 'stalking' his posts! I try to email and say 'hello' to my neighbors around Missouri, Kansas, Illinois, etc. I emailed him, started asking questions, liked what I read, and it took off after a few bumps in the 'road'.

We agreed to meet at a half-way point between our cities. As I am a brave person, and I felt I had asked all the right questions, even 'testing' him, I felt completely safe. Besides, if anything weird had occured, I would not have hesitated to be weird right back - LOL. As it turned out, we had a fantastic 48 hours together, very relaxed with each other - a little nervous on both our parts, for the first afternoon, but by evening we were doing quite nicely.

It's much too early to say we have a 'relationship', but we have a very strong friendship that COULD develope into much more - we are taking it one day at a time, and only time will tell. We have plans to be together, at my home, for the Christmas holidays. My children are excited to meet him, and my friends are very excited for me. If I could have 'designed' an ideal mate, I couldn't have done better! Believe me, I TRIED to find something 'wrong' with him, but couldn't find a thing. I am an extremely hard-to-please gal, and he met all my expectations.

I would highly recommend doing it in the manner I have done - find someone with similar interests, 'stalk' his posts for awhile, visit by instant messaging and phone, get all the information you can by asking intelligent questions, then agree to meet. I would NOT recommend starting a long-distance dating scenerio as we did - 300 miles is a whopping long ways apart, but we are working on that little problem. For now, we are making it work, but we miss each other desperately enough that distance isn't a big factor right now, during the getting-acquainted phase, so we will deal with it at a later date.

I will keep you posted on how it is going, from time-to-time, but I feel certain it will be nothing but good reports!

Glad to hear things are working out for you, Kay! Best to you. I'm looking forward to your updates.

Thanks for the good wishes, Carrie!

I posted a thread about this very subject at the kitchen table. I've been divorced for a year and a half, alone for 2 1/2. Haven't dated at all. I think I'm ready to start but haven't dated much, even before I got married. A friend of mine thinks I should do the on-line dating thing. I'm not so sure.

Welcome to the board, Kathsgrdn....I think you can get a lot of good points of view regarding online dating here..good luck to you and keep us posted on how it's going, please.

Yes, Kathsgrdn, welcome!

I'm feeling quite good about Internet dating these days, if a bit overwhelmed. If you've got questions, I'd be happy to share my experience, as will other folks on this forum.

CarrieB

Carrie, please share your experiences with all of us - I love real romance stories that actually happen to REAL people.

What is overwhelming, Carrie?....so many men and not enough time??....just teasin' ya....As Kay said, keep us up to date, I think it's cool that you are having positive experiences....with the opportunities that are available to us, there is no reason for anyone to sit at home thinking that it will never happen for them.

In a sense, Mike, yes. Too many men and too little time. It ebbs and flows, but I sometimes get several emails a day that I then decide who I'm going to respond to. Generally, I probably only respond to one out of every five or ten contacts, but reading their emails and then looking at their profiles to decide if I'm interested takes time.

The ones that I respond to, I generally exchange maybe 3-6 emails with over the course of a week or two. Then, a phone call or two, and then maybe we agree to meet. Sometimes, the initial meeting is the last one, but sometimes it takes several dates to know if it is worth pursuing getting to know the person better.

Last Saturday, I had a third date with one man. On Tuesday, I had a first date, on Friday, a second date, and last night, a first date. I have a fourth date (with last Saturday's third date) scheduled for Tuesday evening, and a third date (with Friday's second date) scheduled for Thursday. I expect to hear from last night's first date (it was a very pleasant first date) in the next day or two to arrange a second date. In the meantime, I have hidden my profile from a few of the sites I'm on, but continue to receive contact emails from additional men. Does that not sound overwhelming? Fun, but exhausting.

thanks for the welcome!

WOW, Ms. Carrie! LOL It sounds as if you are having a wonderful time 'culling' those men - way to go! Thanks for letting us share in your fun, and I hope one of them will have all the qualities and everything you ever hoped for in a mate.

Carrie, is your profile only written or do you include a picture?

What do you post in your profile? As far as just likes or dislikes, what is a good description? Inquiring minds want to know!

I included my picture. Profiles with pictures get A LOT more responses than profiles without. When I'm looking at men's profiles, I don't even bother looking at ones that don't have photos posted.

What I'd reccomend you do, if you are considering posting a profile but are unusre what to write, is to cruise a whole lot of other women's and men's profiles. Look to see what you find interesting, what catches your attention. Do a search of profiles for women in a far away city, that way, you can decide to "borrow" a phrase from someone, if you so choose. MOst sites have tips on posting an effective profile, there are also lots of books out there that offer good advice.

Good luck, and don't hesitate to post more questions here, or to contact me off-list if you've got questions.

Carrie

I want to add one more thing here.

I often see posts from people who say something to the effect of "I posted my profile at an Online dating service and a much older/unappealing/inarticulate man responded. I decided it won't work for me and I took my profile off". As I mentioned before, I get far more responses than I respond to - and it seems that protocol for Online dating is that YOU DON'T HAVE TO RESPOND if you don't want to. Even a polite decline is not expected. If you're not interested, just hit the delete key. It can be time consuming, but I insist that it is worth it.

It is also true that what you put into your profile is what you get out of it. Get a good photo of yourself (I asked a friend, who has some skill and a digital camera to take a few pictures of me, I put on a nice blouse and some lipstick), preferably the photo will be of you alone (no dog, child or ex-boyfriend!).

Do a spellcheck (you'll probably have to type it into a Word document, then cut & paste). You may even want to get a friend or two to look over it and offer their advice, both for grammar and for content. I revise my profile fairly regularly.

The more potential partners you meet, the better your chances are. I have met eleven men (one to four dates each) since mid-July when I first signed up. I've probably gotten 100 (maybe even 200 or more) emails since then. Most of the emails were not at all interesting to me, but it was good to get those emails, not bad. Of those I responded to, several decided after a few emails that they did not want to continue communication, or I decided not to. After an initial phone conversation a few more dropped off, either by my choice or theirs.

You may get several hundred emails, and meet and talk on the phone to several dozen men (or women) before finding someone that is right for you, and, yes, you may not find him/her on the Internet. But, I strongly believe that within a year or so, the Internet will be the #1 way that single people meet each other, at least for singles over thirty.

It is not a panacea. It takes a lot of work and a lot of energy. But think about job searching. How many want ads do you read through? How many resumes do you send out? How many interviews to you get? It takes hard work, dedication, and even a good deal of frustration and dissappointment before getting what you ultimately want.

One last thing, trust your insticts. If you get an email or talk on the phone to someone and you're feeling the least bit uncomfortable or ambivalent about meeting that person, don't meet, I have learned that my insticts about people Online are good and need to be listened to.

Don't give up!

I just read today that internet dating will be the preferred way to meet prospective mates in the very near future. They stated that it's much safer to 'meet' and get to know someone over the internet and by phone, before you actually take the risk of meeting them face-to-face, plus it is more convenient. Also, it cited the fact that there is no need to 'dress up' nor leave your house to meet people, if you don't want to - much better, IMHO, than the old days, where you had to spend hours 'getting ready' to go out and meet mostly incompatible people. I think it is wonderful that technology allows people, who wish to do so, the convenience of 'shopping' via computer versus the alternative - shopping at the local 'meat market'.

Thanks, Carrie. Very good advice and observations.

How do you get past the privacy issues?. With a picture? Could it not get narrowed down. I am soooo paranoid, from my past to do this!

I would even like to post a resume' at a site, it just makes me feel so insecure???

Hi WalksAlone. Privacy is an important issue, absolutely. I do know that some people, men especially, don't post their photo. But the only way (I believe) that you can really do that to your advantage, is if you are willing to: 1. Be the person to initiate all or most contact and 2. Be willing to send a photo to the person very soon after initiating contact.

Having a photo up does mean that someone you know, who is cruising Internet profiles, may see your photo. It also means that someone who cruises profiles may recognize you on the street. I ran into a friend's brother's profile while I was looking through personals, and once, I had a man recognize me on the street from my profile picture.

I can think of very few reasons that it would be terrible to be recognized by someone that is looking through profiles. If your kid's friend's dad (for example) sees your profile on the Internet, so what? Unless you are married and he's going to tell your husband. There is nothing shameful about looking for love. If your client/patient/customer sees your profile Online, it could be a little awkward, and maybe they'll find out a little more personal info. about you than you wanted (that you're single and looking), but I don't think that's so bad.

Other than the photo issue, you decide when to reveal other personal info. Don't give any man your last name, address, place of employment, or phone number (unless it is untraceable) untill you are completely comfortable. Meet in a well lit public place the first time (and second or third, if you feel safer that way) you meet and have your own transportation.

Be careful, and pay attention. But remember that most people doing online dating are just like you and me.

Good luck,

Carrie

One more minor detail. I said in one of my earlier posts that I'd met 11 men since mid-july. I forgot two! I actually met 13 men. Not bad, eh?

The worst thing that has ever happened to me with Online dating, is that two of the guys (one after two dates and the other after three) never called me for another date, and I had thought we had a good time. That's it. I suspect that many people with Online dating "horror stories" didn't do a great job screening before meeting, in other words, they should have picked up stuff from the emails and phone call(s) and decided not to meet.

An excellent and informative post, Carrie!....a must read for anyone that is considering doing internet dating....you are approaching it in a very squared away attitude that others would be well to follow up....at the rate you are going you are going to find that right guy before long, I have no doubt

Why, thank you Mike!
I'm so thrilled to have this forum where I can relay my experiences.

Thanks, Carrie. You could start a class on this. I would enroll!

Please keep sharing with us!

Carrie, plain and simple - you ROCK! I look in on this forum every day to see what "Ms. Carrie's" latest post contains! LOL As Walksalone said, you could teach a class on internet dating - where were you when I first started dating MANY years ago? I think it is so neat that Michael (tinmantu)is on this board to offer a man's perspective, and he does it as if he was your best friend - I really appreciate this guy! Please continue to relate your experiences - they keep us all intrigued, facinated, and inspired.

Oooh I am SO flattered! I would LOVE to teach a class. I'm looking for a career change. I agree, too, that Michael's contributions are invaluable. It is so nice to have a man on the board.

Tuesday, I had a nice fouth date (drove around looking at Xmas lights & dinner at a diner) and tonight I've got a third date at a (somewhat fancy) Mexican restaurant.

Any questions you have, please ask! I'd love to become a personal advisor. In the interest of full disclosure, however, you must know that I HAVE ONLY FIVE MONTHS dating experience!

I'm flattered too, after the last two posts, ladies.....if you didn't know, flattery will get you everywhere, so watch out :) ....heh....I've parked myself here and plan to be around for a day or two....maybe three....I enjoy the company around here (even if I am the the lone male on the forum) and make a point to read the posts on an almost daily basis...can't say that for a lot of other forums that I subscribe to.....Carrie, if you can come this far in 5 months, then the sky is the limit for you...I say keep doing what you are doing!

Carrie, if I might be serious for a moment - after all is said and done, why not pen a BOOK? I think you have the personality that could truely write a wonderful 'How To' book on internet dating!I can see the title now: Internet Dating - The Long and Short of it. I would definently buy such a book, and think you should consider attempting to write it!