WOMEN'S ADS:
==================
40-ish....................49
Adventurer............Slept with all your friends
Athletic..................No t!ts
Average looking.....Has a face like a basset hound
Beautiful.................Pathological liar
Contagious Smile....Does a lot of Ecstasy
Emotionally Secure.. Medicated
Feminist.................Fat ballbuster
Free spirit...............Junkie
Friendship first.......Trying to live down reputation as a s!ut
Fun....................... Annoying
Gentle....................Comatose
Good Listener........Borderline Autistic
New-Age................All body hair, all the time
Old-fashioned.........Lights out, missionary position only
Open-minded..........Desperate
Outgoing.................Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate...............Sloppy drunk
Poet.......................Depressive Schizophrenic
Professional............Certified B!tch
Redhead.................Bad dye-job
Reubenesque..........Grossly Fat
Romantic................Looks better by candle light
Social.....................Been passed around like an hors
d'oueuvres tray
Voluptuous.............Very Fat
Weight proportion w/ height..Hugely Fat
Wants Soulmate...................Stalker
Widow.......................Drove first husband to shoot
himself
Young at heart.............Old bat
================
MEN'S ADS
================
40-ish....................52 and looking for 25-yr-old
Athletic..................Watches a lot of NASCAR
Average looking.....Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back
Educated...............Will patronize the sh!t out of you
Free Spirit..............Banging your sister
Friendship first.......As long as friendship involves nookie
Fun........................Good with a remote and a six pack
Good looking.........Arrogant
Very good looking....Dumb as a board
Honest...................Pathological Liar
Huggable...............Overweight, more body hair than a bear
Likes to cuddle.......Insecure mama's boy
Mature...................Older than your father
Open-minded.........Wants to sleep with your roommate but she's not interested
Physically fit...........Does a lot of 12-ounce curls
Poet.......................Wrote ex-girlfriend's number on a bathroom stall
Sensitive.................Cries at chick flicks
Very sensitive.........Gay
Spiritual.................Got laid in a cemetery once
Stable....................Arrested for stalking, but not
convicted
Thoughtful.............Says "Excuse me" when he farts

I've dated the 40-ish, athletic, friendship first, fun, good-looking, honest guy!

He said I was too independent & hard to get along with...

But I have one to add:

Independent: If he has a job, he'll quit as soon as you become a couple.