It's been an interesting giant watermelon year. They are still growing although the plant in the back has had about half of its leaves stripped by a baby deer. I've since got my electric fence running all day to try to prevent this. That watermelon is a nice hindenberg shape and I'm guessing is about 60 pounds right now. In my "upper patch", the CC plant is doing great -- showing no signs of decline at all. Whenever I see my watermelon lurking there in the grass I keep playing the "Jaws" theme in my head -- it's a big one. Interestingly it's not a round cross-section, but rather it's flatter and broader. I've stopped measuring the circumference on it, but it's about 30 inches long and almost a foot and a half across, although possibly only a foot high. Pretty sure it's over 60 pounds but don't know how close it is to 100. I'm guestimating 80 pounds....time will tell. How is everyone else's CC doing ? Wayne

This is a subject so terribly fraught with spectres of greed, avarice, controversy that it's often difficult to be really honest when discussing it. I tip my hat to Nancy in Mich. for stepping up to the mike and asking me WHY my brother and I arrived at the decision we did. It's important that those questions be asked and that they be answered. I worry a lot about this. I worry that Mum will deteriorate to such an extent that she cannot remain with me or my brother, in a setting that is familiar to her, surrounded with things and pets that she "remembers". I have seen the interior of nursing homes and "rehabilitation" facilities 3 times. Only one of the 3 was "acceptable", the other two were so pathetically inadequate I wouldn't send a hated enemy there. And it wasn't for lack of funding... (heaven knows Mum was a "cash cow"! spry, pleasant, and cooperative)it was for lack of QUALIFIED staffing. Those workers "in the trenches", were largely immigrant, working for minimum wage (probably without any benefit package, too), and barely able, with their broken English, to communicate with wards barely able to comprehend the spoken word, let alone that spoken with a thick accent, no matter how affectionately! THEY were the real treasures! they were attentive, affectionate, and virtually ignored by more "educated" staff. The most PATHETIC employees were the vaunted RNs, PTs... no kidding! I have, NEVER, in my life met a more arrogant, selfish, unwilling cadre of "caregivers". I was embarrassed for THEM; they were nearly universally unwilling to do ANYTHING that remotely required "hands on" work. "I'll call an aid"; "I have other duties to attend to...". "Could you call me later?" (needless to say they didn't "do" e-mail). Oh, I've heard it all. And that's why Mum is with me and my brother and NOT in one of those hell-holes. $60-80K/yr. for THAT? I rather think not. But families willing to do the work to keep them at home can't be compensated? HUH?! Welcome to life, corporate America runs this country, make no mistake about it. But consider this: you wouldn't have wanted to be the RN on "duty" (eating her doughnut behind the counter at "reception"!) when my brother arrived at 11:30 AM on Saturday morning, the day after Mum was transferred. She was lying in bed, soaked in urine (failed urostomy appliance), unfed. He coolly told the RN to get her ass in the room and take care of it. He went next to the administrator's office. From that day on, he and I went to visit Mum EVERY SINGLE DAY for 5 weeks to "check up" on her care. I HAD TO TEACH THOSE RNs HOW TO CHANGE AN UROSTOMY APPLIANCE. (Wingate) There is one level of employee I hold in greater contempt, though. And that's the SOCIAL WORKER. Never, in my life, have I seen a greater waste of payroll than they. I have had the (dis)pleasure to deal with 7 in the past 3 years. ONLY ONE of them was helpful in any meaningful way. Frankly, the other 6 could have been nicely replaced with a WEBSITE. The one that was helpful is someone with whom I still maintain contact. She has remained a tried, true, and good friend. When you find a good one, stick with them! Am I angry? You bet. Why? because the whole system is set up to milk families of their assets even as they "tell" families they can't possibly "take adequate care" of much loved elders. The entire system is stacked against those of us who are willing to care for our families. Mark my words, this is the coming battleground and I'll be well finished with it in a few short years. Me? I've joined the Hemlock Society!

I don't see/smell any trace that OP is the other woman in her relationship with her father. I feel sorry for the father who lost so much joy with the family due to his insecure, control freak new wife. "Does your husband and his mother go to lunch and other leisure activities without including you? Would it be okay if they did?" - Why is it not OK? This question is beyond silly. In our family, we always have alone time with our parents and children. I still remember the wonderful time and conversation with my own father even it has been 40-50 years. HD was his mother's favorite, they always had private time together when we were on vacation visiting her. We also have great memory spending alone time with our own children in various countries and cities. southernsummer, do your own biological children spend alone time with you or your husband? If they do, does it make them the "other woman or man"? May be because I am the type of person who does not always remember my own birthday, I fail to see the big deal of spending time with your husband exact on your birthday, especially the daughter does not live with the father, and you live with him every single day of the year. Why cannot you find another day to celebrate? In your other posts it seems you have problem over Christmas gifts from your husband to his children. Again, I fail to understand the issues. In our own family we don't see children until Christmas break due to all of us have busy careers. We are so appreciative that they spend vacation and airfares, expenses coming home to see us ( they could well afford traveling to anywhere in the world if they want to). As always, we give high dollar gifts to indirectly compensate the expense they incur. If the once a year gifts impact your financial future, you need to have a serious discussion with your husband, otherwise, why interfere? Relationship between each parent and child is unique, it does not need to be according to others wishes/rules.

I love these stories! A couple of days ago I walked a few blocks away to check out an apartment building that has a listing that I'm interested in. I didn't have an appt. to view the unit, just wanted to get a feel for the block. I stopped a gentleman who looked like he was about to enter the building but he was not, I explained that I was wondering how the building is. Is it heated well, etc. (You never know in NYC how some buildings are managed.) He told me that his friend lives in the building, "Let me call him up". I told him no, you're too kind, you don't have to do that, but he insisted. Turns out he didn't have his friend's number after all but assured me that he had been in the building, it's very nice and he can run in to see if his friend is home. Of course I thanked him and refused buy what a nice guy. From there I went to the hardware store to see if they had seed packages for sale yet. I wanted to get thyme and chive seeds for my windowsill. The guy behind the counter told me that they haven't gotten them yet, they'll be in in a month. But he has last year's seeds, (which should still germinate) and I can take all of them for free. LOL I don't really have much use for most of the seeds as I live in an apartment but I didn't want to stand there picking through all the seed packages, there were probably 100 envelopes packed tightly into a box. He said You come in often, and we appreciate it. I'm sending most of the seeds to friends who live outside of the city and have gardens. So it was a really nice day. There are so many kind people out there, sometimes it's kind of shocking! I can't remember the last time I encountered anyone who was rude to me. Recently someone hung tote bags on a fence for anyone to take, "Being Nice is Free" was printed on them. My neighbors are all very friendly which just makes life so much better. (Except for the stomper who lives above me but I try not to get too annoyed!). I think when I was younger I could get snippy with people sometimes but I believe I've mellowed and really enjoy interacting with most people I meet.