Never wanted to get married
robar
10 years ago
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emma
10 years agoDawnSmith
10 years agoRelated Discussions
How did you and your Dear One get together?
Comments (22)These are some great stories. I'd like to share mine, since I think that it's pretty interesting. I met my husband over the phone. I was working at a new job after being unemployed for 8 months. I worked in the order dept for a very respected publishing company, taking phone orders. Since I was so elated to be working again I tended to be extremely pleasant and helpful in those early days so when I received a call from StonyBrook University's bookstore inquiring about one of their orders instead of transferring the call to customer service ( as we were supposed to do) I checked the status of the order myself & told the guy on the other end of the phone that it had shipped out about a week ago. Since Stony Brook Univ is about an hour away from our distribution center I was a bit baffled as to why they hadn't received the books yet. He asked how the books had been shipped and I replied "by armadillo?". He howled with laughter. We spoke again a few more times in the course of the regular order pool, then he started asking for me exclusiveley and after hours of conversations at work (it's a wonder that my co-workers never ratted me out) we started calling each other at home. Now, these marathon phone calls took place over the course of a year. The subject of appearance never came up, nor did the fact that both of us were currently involved in long term relationships (I was dating the world's biggest loser- gorgeous as anything but the "honey can you bail me out of jail 'cause I've got two simultaneous warrants for my arrest in two different counties" kind of loser.) So after a year and countless hours on the phone I was going out to Stony Brook to visit a dear friend and my phone pal, Bill, suggested that we meet for a drink. I offered to stop by the bookstore to find him. I had a vision of being able to spot him immediately in spite of having no idea what he looked like. I was crazy about this guy already and was convinced that I would just "know. Well. For starters once I arrived on campus I couldn't find the bookstore. Nor could I find anyone that could tell me where the bookstore was. Panicked that the store would close before I could get there, I found a payphone & called. I told Bill where I was, he told me to sit tight & he'd come find me. You need to picture this. It was 1992. I'm sporting an impressive black mohawk, multiply piereced ears, skull buckle boots, head to toe black. In strolls the early 90's equivalent of James Hetfield from Metallica, complete with long hair & impressive fu manchu moustache. SO not my mental image of my phone pal and so, so not my "type". I was devastated. You have to understand that at the time I was very, very superficial & most likely would never even have spoken to my now husband, much less dated him. Still, the evening went well once I got past his looks (I was such an idiot) and I figured that I wouldn't hold that against him (a pompous idiot). We went onward to my friend's house...who had just taken a home pregnancy test & greeted us waving the urine dipped stick. It was positive & she was delighted. Bill never batted an eye at the antics of my delirious friend, just took it all in stride. So I called him about a week later at home. I figured that there was no reason he & I couldn't continue our friendship even though he wasn't my type. He was very odd on the phone, very distracted & almost disinterested and it ocurred to me...much to my horror...that maybe he had a problem with MY appearance! How dare he! I was livid. I found out later that he was so distant over the phone because his GF of a bout 2 years was there, wanting to know who he was talking to, who I was, etc. A couple of months later he calls me at work & we pick up as if we'd never stopped. The marathon phone calls resumed & when I'd go out to visit my now very pregnant friend, he'd stop by her place as well. Still friends, still chatting, nothing else. By this time we had both shed our respective (in)significant others, though. We had our first real "date" in July...a friend's wedding in Buffalo where Bill told me that he never wanted to get married & I said I had no intentions of doing so either... & he asked me to marry him on Christmas eve. We'll have been married 13 years this March and I thank God every day for how lucky I am. The funny thing is that I come from a very, very old country Italian family. My father died when I was very young but my mother is very traditional & old fashioned. She is anti long hair on men, anti tattoo and definitely anti motorcycle but thinks that the sun rises & sets on my husband. After years of her absolutely forbidding me to learn to ride a motorcycle she was delighted when I got my license after Bill & I got married & thinks that it's wonderful how the two of us share that. I'm convinced that after the parade of freaks I brought through her house she was so ecstatic to see me end up marrying someone that was intelligent and respectful she didn't care how long his hair was. But she adores him as he does her and I'm very fortunate for that as well :-). Nina...See MoreI am Married but in love with a married man
Comments (7)What a great influence your church has been on the pair of you. (Sarcasm very much intended.) I have to ask, if you were in an on-off relationship with your now husband, why the he[[ did you get in a position to become pregnant? Bad idea. Sorry to be harsh, but your whole approach to relationships seems to be a series of bad ideas: -Get pregnant in an unstable relationship -Marry someone you don't love merely because pregnant -Before marrying get involved with someone else -Get involved with a married man -Know you're doing wrong but not stopping Could this be any more of a train wreck? Stop. Cut off all contact with this other man, it will only end in tears for two marriages. If he's unhappy in his marriage, let _him_ deal with it, sort himself out and be free to be in another relationship honestly. Change churches if you have to to avoid being in contact with this man. Get some counselling. Sort out _your_ feelings without the confusion of your infatuation with this other man. Consider carefully and decide if you want to continue with your marriage or not. Only you can decide if security is enough (sounds ATM like it isn't) but having decided, you need to follow through one way or the other. Either fully commit to your husband or divorce, don't sit on the fence. It's not fair to anyone concerned and is a terrible example for your children....See MoreMy husband has never had sex with me,married for 2 yrs
Comments (4)You do not have a marriage. Your "husband" is being dishonest with you. You could let him know he needs to get help with his problem(if it is a medical/psychological one). If he is gay then he really is dishonest and married you under false pretense. You need to leave this relationship if he does not change his sexless behavior. NancyLouise...See MoreDo we need to get married to qualify for a conventional loan???
Comments (13)Thanks, everyone! This is a small town, and the loan officer at the local credit union did seem to think that national banks might be more lenient? Of course, the credit union's fees are much lower than the banks I've tentatively looked at, and I had wanted to work with them because that's who I've gotten loans from in the past, always paid on time. :( Bill: The loan officer's fees were separate from the closing costs, in addition to them, and labeled as loan officer's fees. All the usual fees were also listed. The problem with living in a small town is there is not a lot of competition around, so fees are hiked up for EVERYTHING just because they can be. This county, incidentally, frequently has the highest price of gas in the continental U.S. It's just like that for everything - but it is a gorgeous place, very mild climate, surrounded on one side by the Pacific Ocean and pristine forests on the other, so people get really attached to this place despite the hassle. The credit history thing is really frustrating. I've even paid rent that was higher than the cost of this mortgage at the credit union (if I had qualified by being in business a few months longer). I have a phone appointment w/ Bank of America today - I'll see how that goes...(We don't even have a local loan officer for B of A, apparently)......See Morekayjones
10 years agoemma
10 years agoUser
8 years agotwilliams115
8 years ago
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