Would you date one of your exes again?

21 years ago

Maybe it's because I'm divorcing my DH, but I have been thinking about an old BF of mine alot lately.

I'm completely okay with the divorce. DH & I were married just short of a year when we decided to split. We did try marriage counseling, but frankly we never should've married in the first place.

Ever since DH & I split up, I've had dreams about BF and haven't been able to keep him out of my mind. (The dreams could be about anything and BF just 'shows up' in them.)

BF & I began dating when I was a Sr in high school and were together on-and-off for over 10 years. He was my first love, my first "you-know-what" and my first serious BF. I'm VERY tempted to call him, but haven't so far. It's been about 4-5 years since I saw him last. He could be married, have a girlfriend, have kids, etc. for all I know.

Should I pursue this or should I chalk it up to longing for nostalgia/being on the 'rebound' and just enjoy the memories?

Sort by:Oldest

Comments (10)

coco3
21 years ago
You know they always seem better when you don't have them. I have day dreams about those old BF's as well but no perfectly well that I REALLY don't want them.But Hey it's fun and isn't hurting anyone. The good ones always get away it seems. Time dims their faults. LOL
jessiecarole
21 years ago
I would get in touch and be ready to back off if he is married or involved or just not interested. If you are feeling fragile after your recent breakup then you might be really hurt if getting back in touch is not all you hoped for. If it was a healthy relationship and you feel strong enough to risk rejection, why not?

My most serious ex I talk to every few years. It is fun to catch up, but I always hang up glad that I moved on.

jc
Related Discussions
Dishwasher reliability: Would you buy your DW again?
Q
Comments (49)
I know I'm a latecomer to this thread, but it's a good topic. The house I bought 6 years ago came with a Miele Novotronic DW. At first I was put off by the cutlery rack at the top, and still don't like having to "arrange" all the flatware, but the unit has been very good at washing, and it's pretty quiet. It has a fan that evacuates the steamy air through the door at the end of the cycle, so dishes are fairly dry. I don't think any new model offers this. But the experience I have had with Miele technical service on the phone deserves a special mention. They are quick to pick up, knowledgeable, patient and very polite. They will walk you through your problem and offer the appropriate solutions, most of which you can carry out yourself. Once you've made your first call, you're in their system. Best customer service I've ever encountered! Further, Miele excels in easy-to-fix design. Most owner-serviceable items (and there are several) can be easily removed and replaced - many without any tools. Some require a Philips screwdriver or a pair of pliers. I'm about to remodel my kitchen but the old dishwasher is going to stay. If it ain't broke, don't ditch it!
...See More
Dating My Ex?
Q
Comments (3)
Agree with finedreams, especially about the kids if you have them. Would add....be wary of familiarity and ease being mistaken for attraction. Of course its more difficult and time-consuming starting again with somebody new and sometimes re-dating the familiar partner seems easier and more comfortable than all of that. Just don't kid yourself. If the old issues are actually still with you, don't pretend they're different.
...See More
did you tile your subway tile backspash? would you do it again?
Q
Comments (22)
Ok - another tip - clean up the grout lines the next day if you use thinset to set the tiles. It takes several days for the mortor to fully cure, and it will be quite soft and crumbly the day after - makes cleaning any high spots out of the grout lines rather simple. If you wait several days, it will harden (like cement should) and it will be very difficult to remove. I spent about 30 mn this morning carefully going over the grout lines in my one wall (I have learned to be anal about this so I don't have "spots" when I grout) - I normally end up ruining a fingernail or two in the process but that is normal for me. BTW - here is what I got done yesterday. I mixed up too much thinset the first time, I forgot I was dealing with a small wall area and not a big floor! it looks a lot better after I took down the spacers and cleaned it all up. I had one "sliver" I had to cut for up by the range hood, it was 1/4" wide by 2" long, and the tile saw handled it fine. Ceramic is so much easier to deal with than porceline as it's softer and does not crack as easy when cutting. I used the rotozip for any "U" shaped cuts around the outlets and the tile saw for everything else. Here is an "in process" picture I had boards cut for the area needed for the border. By using them I could get my tile edges very straight - just make sure you don't accidentally cement the boards to the wall. This is what I got done the first "batch" and then I fitted and cut the rest of the perimeter tiles (they are laying on the coutner in this picture - ready to install). I put the border in after all the rest of the tiles were set. Here is my mixing setup. I use our smaller hammer drill (but not hammer mode) and a five gallon bucket so things don't splash. I have a scale (it's a fish scale, I'm not using a good kitchen one on this) to measure the powder and measuring cup for the water. Add the water to the bucket and carefull add the powder - if you simply dump it in, you'll get a plume of cement dust! And I have a timer - you mix for five minutes, wait for ten and mix for two and then use. one wall down - one to go! Now, we'll see if the resident experts come on here and rip me a new one for all the things I've done wrong. I think I'm learning why people rarely show "in progress" pictures on this forum. I'm showing the way I did things, I am not saying that I think this way is the only way to do it.
...See More
I'm dating a separated man... how do i deal with the ex-wife's pr
Q
Comments (5)
illy, It is easy to overlook some things when we want to be with someone. Your boyfriend was not ready and is still not ready to make a promise to you. Life is too precious to make a serious decision and then "hope" life will turn out good. You are already unhappy. No, No, No Walk away and don't look back. Best to you.
...See More
Daisyduckworth
21 years ago
When I was 16, I dated a guy of 28. My mother freaked out, but he had a quiet word with her and she accepted the situation - I was a very innocent and naive, and he was prepared to wait until I'd dated other guys and grown up a little, for however long it took. He never took advantage of my innocence in any way. I did not know about that conversation with my mother until she told me about it 30-odd years later. At 17 I left home to live far away, met another guy and announced our engagement. Brought my fiance home, and even invited the older guy to meet him (I cringe to think about that!). Poor guy broke down, begged me not to go ahead with the marriage. My mother went into a spin. I married the second guy, what a disaster it was!

The older guy went into mourning, ended up moving overseas, but came back after a few years and still visited my mother, to find out about me. I knew nothing of this for many years. He never married. I never forgave my mother for not telling me this guy's true feelings for me. If I could find him now, and assuming he still wanted me, I'd marry him without hesitation. If I knew where to start, I'd look for him right now.

I think we all have 'the one we should have married' somewhere in our lives, and a lot of regret for making the wrong choice.
teri2
21 years ago
In general, I think I would. You never know how it might work out now that the circumstances are different. But, in your particular case, Toni, why don't you wait a while? Anything you do right now will strongly influenced by your reaction to the divorce. And that's not really fair to the ex. Give yourself a year or so to get rid of any emotional "baggage".

Teri
darkeyedgirl
21 years ago
I've done it, and the problem is, if there is a reason you split up (lots of fighting, personality differences, anger problems, etc.) then those problems are still there. You romanticize that person and miss the good things, and over time, you forget all the bad things. This is dangerous, I think.

Friendship (distant) is possible but not getting back together in a love relationship.

- darkeyedgirl
itsmesuzq
21 years ago
I met my first "love" twenty years later for dinner. I was blown away at how immature he was; I couldn't believe that he had not moved forward....he was just as I left him. Selfish, out for one thing only, "me, me, me"......

I was so happy that I actually allowed myself to meet him for dinner....I would have never known how very lucky I was for not marrying him!!
lulie___wayne
21 years ago
I only had one ex that I dated for a long period of time. He was a very nice guy and treated me like a queen, but when I met my husband to be, I was sooooooo happy that I didn't marry the other guy. I never did know what passionate love was until I met my husband.
I know someone very well who dated his ex thinking that that he would feel young again to live in the past, and also for pure curiosity, and after a short while, his memories were jogged and he remembered why their relationship didn't work out the first time. Duhhhhhhhh. The woman was dumped for a second time, and it wasn't a nice situation for her. The guy was married, and she kept hoping and thinking that he would leave his wife. Wrong! He never ever intended to, not even in the beginning. More hurt for her. Basically, she was used.
Lu
civilmind
20 years ago
Chances are he won't be the way you remmeber him. I think about my high school boyfriend and sometimes wonder what he's up to, if he's still married, etc. I haven't seen him in almost 20 years, and I think I'll keep it that way.

But, you never know really what's going to happen. Rather than calling him out of the blue, you might want to do some detective work and see if he's available or not. I actually did that with my elementary school boyfriend before my 20 year HS reunion. He was married, of course. All the good ones are!
lulie___wayne
20 years ago
Yes, I definitely think that you should do some checking first to see if he is married or what. I'm sorry that I didn't answer that question earlier. I doubt too, if he is the same person. It doesn't take people long to change and like they say, "you can't go home again". It's just not the same.
Lu
britbritmay
20 years ago
HELL NO!

Would you date one of your exes again?

Comments (10)

coco3

jessiecarole

Related Discussions

Daisyduckworth

teri2

darkeyedgirl

itsmesuzq

lulie___wayne

civilmind

lulie___wayne

britbritmay

COMPANY

BUSINESS SERVICES

GET HELP

CONNECT WITH US