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Getting started, part 2 - 'Relationships'

Posted by SandiD (My Page) on
Mon, Feb 17, 03 at 23:51

I'll be quick to admit that I'm not in a relationship with a SO. I've been divorced since 9/96 and have had very few dating relationships with anyone. I had some recovery issues to work through. Since I have 2 precious girls, it's very hard for me to start a relationship that may not go anywhere for them to ask "is so&so going to be our new daddy?" This happened in the last dating relationship I was in.

Has this happened to anyone else?

Follow-Up Postings:

RE: Getting started, part 2 - 'Relationships'

Sandi, yes, it has been an issue.

I've been on my own with my daughter, since March 1997, just three months after she was born. At first I didn't date during the whole 18-month long divorce. I was, after all, still a new mom and my whole being was consumed by my baby. Plus I was stressed over the nasty divorce and the last thing on my mind was 'men'.

I'm to that point again, after a back-to-back dating disaster in my life. Taking a looong break! For my sake, and for DD's. I guess the best thing is I've realized I don't ever want to get married again OR live with anyone. I've been "in control" of my own life for years now, I have everything I want and need, and I have always had more fun (and more love) with my daughter than I have with any man.

Sledriding with her for two hours yesterday until we were red in the face, slamming into trees and fences, laughing and rolling in the snow... then going for Sushi and ice cream was probably the best date I've had in years! SHE is my relationship!

- darkeyedgirl

RE: Getting started, part 2 - 'Relationships'

I have not been in a relationship since I left him. I would love to be in one but don't know anyone I am attracted to...

RE: Getting started, part 2 - 'Relationships'

I'm in that loooong break you mention (and don't mind it a bit). I'm like you. I love that I'm in control. I don't think I want to be married again either & living outside of marriage is out of the question (both from my religious beliefs & wanting to be a good example for my girls). Plus, it'd be REAL hard to give up any of my space. In other words, no room in the closet!

My last *relationship* was with a friend from college that I'd made contact with (after 10 years). He admitted that he was having some problems and wasn't ready for a relationship. The girls really liked him, but I (if I get a guy) need a guy who has his stuff together. (In the time I've known him again, he left his job to try acting, lost his house & lost his car. A guy who can live within his income & budget is what is needed.)

Sledding sounds like fun. There were flurries *somewhere* in my area on Saturday. Not at my house though. Actually, I've had enough snow from living in Germany for 2 years and then Colorado & Missouri for 2 more. It was up to 65 today and is supposed to be mid-50s tomorrow with rain/thunderstorms up til Friday.

Debi, it sounds like your situation is like mine. My schedule is work (no new people here, most guys are married or if unmarried I wouldn't want to date them), taking the girls to gymnastics (new in our schedule, most there are either too young or married), taking the girls to violin & piano (30 minutes away & once they're finished I'm ready to head home & relax), and PTA (same as all above). Sometimes just having someone to talk to of the opposite sex who's not a relative is what I need.

Okay, I'm beginning to ramble. I think I'll take a gander at the gardening sites for a bit. TATA. Sandi

RE: Getting started, part 2 - 'Relationships'

I've been alone for many years, with quite a few relationships to break the monotony. Some more serious than others, and some barely outlasting dinner. With adult children, these haven't been a problem. In fact, my son and I have a running joke. After he's met the current man in my life, I ask 'Do you want a (George, Fred, Tom, Dick, Harry) for a daddy?' His answer is always 'maybe' if he likes the guy, or 'terrible name' if he doesn't. He's better at picking 'em than I am, so his response is my yardstick!

RE: Getting started, part 2 - 'Relationships'

I do believe that the ideal life would be with a wonderful, loving spouse - that said - the worst life is one with the wrong spouse, and I've been there, done that.

Although I'm open to the idea of finding someone to share my life with I don't go out looking - and the few times I've dated since turning single again in '88 only complicated my life, something I'm not willing to put up with now.

I guess if I'm ever to find "Mr. Wonderful" he's going to have to come banging at my door. LOL!

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