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The way men think

Posted by Daisyduckworth (My Page) on
Fri, Feb 28, 03 at 2:45

Over the last few years, I've perused many a 'Personals' column, heard many intros in telephone dating lines etc. It surprises me how many men list their interests as 'camping, 4-wheel-driving, fishing, boating, football, car-racing' etc in the hope of attracting women. Some of these might be fun once in a rare while for most women, but not too many would list them as their own interests. Then there are the guys who try to rope us in with 'candlelit dinners', 'moonlight walks on the beach', 'quiet nights at home by the fire' and (best of all!) 'massages'. I must admit I'm a little too straight-forward for most of these men. They get all blustery and stuttery when I ask 'When was the last time you (went fishing, camping.....on a moonlight walk, had a candlelit dinner....)??' With NO exceptions, they were reminiscing 20-30 years back. When, oh when, will they get it right????


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: The way men think

Man. I love 4-wheeling, camping, fishing, boating, and ESPECIALLY car racing.

Where are these guys???

Send 'em my way!!!

- darkeyedgirl


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RE: The way men think

Daisey I agree 100%! since we seem to be looking in some of the same places, what would you have men say? I dont really like the "candlelight and massage" bit. I expect those things to come naturally as a friendship matures. I'm not much for instant romance and I don't think most men are either. they are just saying what they think women want to hear. I would rather have a gardener who turns "studly" because he thinks I am special, not someone who promises romance before we even meet.

I have been playing in the online match sites (mostly because I have been bored out of my mind at work) and my experience has just made me sad. Lots of people who think they want to meet but dont seem to have the skills to pull it off.

If I was at your dance, I would holler "come on everybody let's dance" and then grab some guy and pull him out on the floor and hope everyone joined in.


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RE: The way men think

hmmmm... how about 30SWM, likes to cook, clean, always puts the toilet seat back down. Does his own laundry, and owns "Bridges of Madison County" on DVD.

Y'know if you saw that ad, you'd think I was either gay, broke, or a mama's boy.... lol


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RE: The way men think

In my younger days, I used to enjoy all those activities I mentioned. Now I'm not so young, I prefer the comforts of home. Sleeping on a bed of rocks, cooking over an open fire and washing dishes in a stream has lost its glamour somewhat, along with my figure! The point I was trying to make is that it seems men can't be honest about themselves in their introductions - that being so, how could I expect them to be honest with me? I mean, sure, they might still like these things, but they don't actually do them any more, so why not say they enjoy a good book and a hired video or Sunday drives if that's what they actually do these days? And if they told me they always put the toilet seat down, by golly that would be instant attraction for me!! Seriously, I expect people to tell how things really are, not just to say things they don't mean because I want to hear it. I don't think that's asking too much! Like someone said to me once, 'I don't care if someone has a past as long as they aren't living in it!'.


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(laughing) no Alex...just way too young


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I just want to have some good sex with someone cute NO LIE


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I have looked at my share of men's personals. The ads that make me laugh are the one's with photos of men holding fish. Yes, fish. The personals are full of them.


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Whoa Eileen, there are so many metaphors and bad jokes that I just don't even know where to start! lololol

Karen


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It wasnt that long ago that women put men down because all they had on their minds was stuff like football, baseball and NASCAR. Now, it seems the majority of women are really into stuff like football, baseball and NASCAR.


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RE: The way men think

Daisy,
you never queried me,

"" I must admit I'm a little too straight-forward for most of these men. They get all blustery and stuttery when I ask 'When was the last time you (went fishing, camping.....on a moonlight walk, had a candlelit dinner....)??' With NO exceptions, they were reminiscing 20-30 years back. When, oh when, will they get it right????""

I am sitting by a warm fire.....with candles on the mantle as I write. I camped last summer several times. I will walk...moonlit or not...any night my beau asks. I often do..night and day. I have one of the most beautiful areas to walk in...and the persons I take with me always comment on how lucky I am to live this life. And they are right! I am lucky. I would be even more lucky to have shared it with someone on a daily basis. To add dessert to the evening...I will take them on a tour of the night sky. Depending on the time of year..I may show them their constellation of the zodiac. I can turn them to face the center of our galaxy, or let them peer at the galaxy nearest us in a telescope. I love the smell of fresh flowers...and wish I had the talents to grow them.

At times...I get the feeling that some of the internet women I correspond with seem to think I am too "soft" for them. Not "manly" enough. Well for them....they are welcome to ride the river with me on dirtbike..(your gonna get wet and muddy)..or ride the switchbacks on the Harley. For contrast...there is nothing like a 100mph blast down the river on the snowmobile. If they like a workout....I love racquetball. Waterskiing is a great workout..and you never "sweat" while doing it. How about a little archery? Maybe you would like to learn to handle and target-shoot a pistol? You like hunting? Bring a firearm or a camera....either way I will get you some good shots.

I don't do all these things everyday. But I have done them often enough to get proficient at all of them. I take the opportunity to do them as opportunity presents itself. Just because you haven't done them for a few years doesn't mean you don't like them.

I have no trouble putting the toilet seat down..and am amazed that this act of kindness means so much to females. Hell, I can install and plumb a toilet in the location of her choosing if that's what it takes. I replace waterheaters, shingle my roof, side my walls, wash my dishes and clothes.

As far as men being honest in their intros....baby, that is a two way street in spades. Every woman I met posted pictures of years gone by. Different to the point of not being able to recognize them. One was in a wheelchair. (not that it made her less of a person, but it would have been a good thing to be upfront about, don't you think?) Actually she was very nice...but my lifestyle could not accomodate that aspect of a relationship with her.

Now....is there anyone here interested?

Regards....Bob


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Bob, got any photos of yourself holding really large fish? ;-)


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Nary a one...sorry.

You'll have to settle for a pic of my telescope....or the Harley. Your choice. :)


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The whole massage thing is uckie gross and I wouldn't respond to a message like that..

Ohh I was at one site.. And I was AMAZED at how many men put down that they were into porn.. INSTANT turn off.. WTH???

I wish they would just spit it out.. I write things like: I love Lord of the Rings, Sci-Fi, and if you have a motorcycle that ain't so bad.... I like to read and cook.. Because that is what I like to do.... I don't like going to the movies all that much..

I just really stay true to who I am and what I like to do....

I would like to see that kind of thing out of a man... Not the cliches...


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RE: The way men think

Bob,

Thanks for the kind offer. I confess to be more interested in the man than the man's things! Call me crazy...


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RE: The way men think

Barnmom,

You asked for a picture...and I had not what you wanted. I offered others that might have been a hint as to the man I am. Because I have things that interest me, and enrich my life, doesn't mean that I am not worthy of a woman's interest does it?

You haven't asked me anything that would elude to the man within me. (So I understand your interest, not being piqued)


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RE: The way men think

Oh dear! Forgive me. I was having a bit of fun with the fish thing. I do find the fish photos amusing! Manly men wrestling with big honking fish! The cave woman's heart in me is all aflutter! (good provider, that one!)

I had no intention of offending. I have read your posts here on the singles forum. You appear to be thoughtful as well as articulate. Sometimes a bit contentious, but intelligent people do that. Yes, men with varied interests are more attractive than men who come home, grab a six pack and sit down with the remote. I'm sure you are quite worthy of a woman's attention and interest. As for asking about you personally, this is not a "personals" site or forum, so it would not occur to me that those sorts of queries would be welcome here.

I also thought you had a girlfriend. Did I misread your posts to the "Why a woman flirts..." thread?


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There is an art to writing a good personals add or profile, it's not that easy. Cut these guys some slack, lol! How much time can the average joe spend on this. I've been told by some guys that the dishonesty cuts both ways too. And how many pictures of yourself do you have around that are worth posting.
Me and a fish. I'm the one on the right! :-)
But hey, seriously, I like fish.


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RE: The way men think

Barnmom,

Here is how I posed my question:

""If there is one thing that I have always been curious about, it is why many women flirt with me when I am in a relationship, but then when I am "single" they hardly know me?""

And At the moment, I am single. And they don't flirt like they used to when a woman was on my arm.

A bit ironic....I heard today on the radio of a study of womens' purses. What it amounted to was that alot can be gleened about a woman's personality from the "things" she has in it. So I am sure the reverse is true also.

I was also just having fun with your comments...the ones you made while having fun with others' comments.

( I say this at the risk of sounding contentious)

And you're right...this is not a personals forum. Quite the opposite. It is a sounding board for people that want to commiserate, or turn the tables on a person with a question.

Pinkmountains twist. It is my fault. And I quote her:

""" Are you really complaining that women are not human or cordial to you, or that they are not responding to your attempts at flirting with them enough to ask them out? In other words, did you really look across the room at that attractive single woman and think, "Ya know, I really should go over there and be human and cordial to her," or was something else on your mind? """

It seems I had an alterior motive to others. I just wondered why I don't exist without a woman. Simple.


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I no longer carry a purse! What does that say? I used to carry a largish purse with everything but the blow drier in it. One time my kids cleaned out my purse for me in exchange for the change in the bottom. They came away with 20 dollars! I wondered why it was so dang heavy... Now I carry a wallet only. It has cards, DL, check book, and cash with few coins. And it reflects the trend in the rest of my life with regard to stuff.

I don't know your age, Bob, but dating seems to be more laden with portent in the late 40s and 50s for many people. They are looking for the last "right one." Lot of pressure, that! And fewer people seem to want to bother anymore so the pool of potential mates dwindles as well. Patience. Patience. Patience.

As for the fish photos: I know why there are so many. Many men only get in front of the camera reluctantly to record the fish they caught, the new car, the new motorcycle, etc. So they grab the only image they have on hand and if they fish, it will be of them and the big one!


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Bob, it's not that I thought you had an "alterior" motive, I was giving my cynical, sarcastic take on the art of flirting. I also said that being humane and cordial and flirting are not mutually exclusive activities, they can be done separately, or mixed, but they can be confused one for the other, hence why women may be more inclined to risk the whole endeavor, cordial, sexy or humane, with someone who is "safe" emotionally, i.e. with someone with whom there is no fear of rejection, or with someone who might not be an ax murderer since he at least has a girlfriend or wife he hasn't done in yet. :-)

If you feel like you're invisible or are striking out a lot in your attempts to court women, (flirt, be humane, whatever you want to call it) don't be discouraged. Any woman of a "certain age" will tell you that one of the hardest parts about growing older, is gradually becoming "invisible" to men. Not all men, but a lot of them. You find yourself having a pleasant cordial conversation with a middle aged man, you start to wonder if he's single and available, you consider sending out a tiny feeler in that direction, and then a young woman walks into the room and "poof," you vanish. This doesn't happen all the time, but often enough to be a recognizable phenomenon. The whole process is just agonizing any way you cut it. I repeat, DO NOT BE DISCOURAGED. For every woman who treats you like you don't exist, there are five others wishing someone would notice them and treat them like they exist! It's just a matter of these two people finding each other. Keep trying! :-)


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The conclusion I have come to regarding the behavior, (why she flirts with a taken man), I surmise that it was simply to get under the skin of my date. Even though they did not know one another. It is probably something women do. (A neanderthal trait?) (Heh)

I don't really feel invisible, and never have. It is just fascinating that this woman can pay all kinds of attention to me,(unwanted, unprovoked),ask me to dance etc, while I am with someone. (I did not respond to her advances out of respect for my GF). Then, when she has a chance to "score" with me because I am available, I am not even in the same building.

Ah well.....no big deal. I am just a curious cat. Always wondering what makes things, (especially people), tick.


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Bob, there are all kinds of women and I'm sure there are those that will behave in the manner you have described. If you know this person well and have observed her behavior, then you know. Not all women are nice people!


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I once wrote a very difficult honest personal about who I was and what dreams I hoped to share with someone. Not one single response. After a couple beers I wrote one claiming to have just gotten out of prison and needed a beetch to clean my mom's trailer... got hits on that one.

Go figure...

michael


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RE: The way men think

So Michael, did you date any of those chicks? Are you sure it wasn't the local cleaning service trying to drum up some business? :-)


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Michael.....Can you see Lilpink swinging this one back towards you?

Cynic and sarcastic is true.

He simply stated what his experience was...and right away she comes up with a left field scenerio. Sheesiz!


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RE: The way men think

What are we going to do in these confusing times, laugh or cry? I meant no offense Michael, I wouldn't have teased you if I didn't respect you as much as I do. It was just water cooler banter, but I won't attempt it again.

Sorry I hijacked your post Daisy.


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RE: The way men think

Bob,

Many of us here are old friends from the Cooking Forum; Oldphart, Daisy, Laurie, Karen, Michael, et al. I expect that Michael took Laurie's post in the light-heart spirit it was intended.

Come join the fun over on the cooking forum. If you can't even boil water, someone there will tell you how! We discuss other life issues as well on our conversations page.

Eileen


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