Well, I just calmly asked DS when he got home about the math project, he started crying and said that he was afraid that if he didn't do well it would bring down his grade. I told him we'd email the teacher and ask, but I thought that this was an opportunity for extra credit, and that it wouldn't hurt his grade if he didn't do well. He agreed that it sounded interesting, and even after she emailed back that it would be graded, wouldn't tell us how much weight towards final it would be, he still thought he'd try it. We have never put much emphasis on grades, I don't know where he gets his anxiety and perfectionism from but as I said it's been from a very young age, well before school. But it's like anything he's afraid to do - once he tries it, and does well, it'll give him confidence. I told him if he doesn't do well on this project, he doesn't have to do any more "challenges" this year. I think DS did well on the tests and in school b/c we do take time to explain things to him (again from a young age), read to him (and now he reads by himself) all the time, and take the kids to places like the science museum and the art museum, not just "children's museums". Really I don't want to push him to take tests and do more work, but this was an opportunity to do a research project, gather data, analyze it, and draw conclusions from it - much more challenging and "real-world" than rote arithmetic. The teacher said that it would take the place of up to 2 nights' HW per week for the next 5 weeks, so it was not "extra" work piled on. My kids love learning and are definitely opinionated, but DS tends to be a bit "lazy" (maybe b/c he hasn't found his passion - except Pokemon?) and I'm just trying to challenge him to go beyond the bare minimum he needs to do in school - not that he does just "passing" work but it could easily slip into that as the coursework gets harder, if he doesn't get excited about *something*. If he never learns to study and research, what's he going to do in HS and college when he finds that he can't pass a test just by having done his HW up to that point? "Good enough" is good enough in some things, but there should be something that he can get passionate about (like when he was little and devoured the whole "100 Things You Should Know About..." series on his own). Maybe by extensions and modifications to the easy (boring - he never talks about school) classes he's taking now, he can *find* something to get excited about. Maybe not this year, but maybe in Jr High or HS? Maybe in a summer program? I don't know. I'm just afraid he's already gone on academic autopilot. He asked us to stop reading him bedtime stories when he was about 6-7. I have to screen a lot of the books in the Teen section of the library for him, b/c the content is too mature. But when I find a good book or series (he loves fantasy series) I get them for him. As I said, he found The Hobbit on his own, he read Narnia years ago, he's read Twain and T.H. White (was really into Merlin about 2-3 years ago). Occasionally I'll hand him a nonfiction book - he read A. Lincoln and Why Evolution is True this summer. He's still very interested in paleontology, archaeology, and astronomy, whenever I find an article in the WSJ on a new discovery or theory I point it out to him and sometimes we'll do research online to find out more. But it's not like he'll just pick up a nonfiction book on his own anymore. So I'm hoping that by requiring more research of him for his science and social studies classes, he can be motivated to explore more and maybe rekindle those interests (or find new ones) without me having to "find" interesting stuff for him. The kid is a walking encyclopedia - I don't think he forgets a single fact about nature or science or history once he's read it. It's just that "commitment to exploration" that's missing. And it's been creeping up on him for the past few years - seems like the longer he spends in public schools, the less interest and effort he puts into anything. When he was a toddler, preschooler, kindergartner, even 1st-2nd grade I'd say, he was just interested in *everything* and always wanted to find out "more". Now he seems apathetic about learning most of the time, unless DH or I point out something about a new scientific discovery and then help him research it. Most of the time he just wants to read (or re-read) fantasy books and play Gameboy. I hate that thing! My mom got him a used one at a yard sale last summer, then he begged us to let him use his own $ to buy a DS (but we gave it to him for Xmas instead), and now he takes it *everywhere* (except school). He plays it in the car on a 15-minute drive to go out to dinner, to my parents' house, etc. and plays it all weekend and nights after dinner, except for when he's reading. Of course I don't mind him reading LOTR, but I think he can stop re-reading Redwall and Warriors and other series that he read years ago and find something *new* and maybe a bit more advanced? I mean, I have my favorites I used to like to read over and over again (anything by Michener!) but I'd go a year or more before rereading a book - there were so many *new* books to read!

To add a little more info to what I posted last night I must say that the meeting was much more calm than I had anticipated. DS's math teacher was very mild mannered in my presence and seemed a bit nervous. The Principal took her side where the confrontation between DS and she were concerned. Not too surprising there. I do know that DS can be hot tempered and his frustration over his learning disabilities gets the best of his at times. He needs to learn to control himself. The Principal said that he had complaints from other students about how DS had spoken to the teacher. There may have been students that complained but I rather expect that it was students that are in the clicks of the "Holier than though" group that are very judgemental and the DS doesn't get along with on a daily bases any way. This is a Christian school and what we have found is that if you don't have money, don't play sports and aren't on the honor roll you don't fit in. Never mind that those kids may very well be the biggest drinkers and the most sexually active in school. Not what I was expecting a Christian school to be. I have told teachers there that they can teach the students the Bible, insist that they memorize the verses but cannot insure that it becomes embedded in their hearts......off on a tangent there...sorry. Last night DS felt like he had lost the war since he was really hoping that I would yank him out the school. I had to explain to him that he had to look at the big picture in little increments. He had won one battle thus far and that was to be taught by his tutor for this class. As soon as he decides which school he wants to attend we can move forward there. So it is one step at a time. I also told him that even though he didn't get everything that he wanted he was learning valuable lessons here and that it was a growing experience. I was happy with his coach. I was happy with his counselor. They both complimented DS on his kind heart and ability to express his feelings in an articulate manner. I told them that for him to be able to humble himself and apologize is a big deal for him. That although it doesn't have anything to do directly with his outburst towards the math teacher he has a great pain in his heart from his father and the fact that they have not spoken in over 3 years is just under the service for him and is something that I feel fuels his anger. He also will not just say the words to apologize, he will search his heart until he come to mean it and then he will speak to the teacher. To get him to graduation is the goal. I feel that he has many teachers at this school that have grown to really love him. His math teacher is new, only having taught a couple of years. He has been a challenge to her and I think she has been caught totally off guard by his situation. Do I think she could have done a better job? Yes. I was in college for a few years in education. I was headed in the direction of working with the kids that were hard to reach. As a teacher's aid I worked with the pain in the butt kids in class and had wonderful results. They did not intimidate me. I think DS did intimidate her. I'm sorry that DS hates school sooo much. He may not be completely happy in another school. I told him that he has to look beyond that and have faith that if he places his trust in the Lord that God will guide him. There is a plan for him and this time is just a flash in the pan but necessary to help ready him for future situations. I told him that at his age kids think that "When I am ..... years old I'll finally know everything." That is not true. He is expected to continue to learn his entire life and he will learn that some of what he thought he knew was incorrect or that there is so much more to it than he ever imagined. I told him that God designed it that way and that when he stops learning he will stop living and that won't be for a very long time. He is a good kid. He has more challenges than most but he can do it. I will be beside him, behind him and sometimes in front of him his entire journey......He is my son and I adore him....blemishes and all.

It seems like at that age maybe the scoring should be left to paid officials. I don't know much about the game or anything about the scoring, but I wouldn't want to be drafted to have to keep score or referee a sporting event for my son especially since I have to take care of a toddler at the games. Do most sporting events in your community count on parental involvement for score keeping -- refereeing, etc. I would think parental scoring may not even be considered "fair" by some. Does the other team have a separate score keeper? How do the other teams do it? I still feel for you that you have to handle it all. Who would normally be involved in the scheduling the scorekeepers and who would you tell if you really couldn't make a game? Is there an Athletic Director or someone from the school that should be handling the scheduling of it? If it is your husband's responsibility since he's coach I would just have him send out a letter telling everyone they have to score (or find someone to score) for "this number of" games and that they should put down their first, second, and third choice of dates. Preferences will be given in order of receipt (or by lottery), and dates may be assigned that are not requested. Make sure to note that it is their responsiblity to switch dates with someone or find a substitute if needed. Although, I still think that having the parents pitch in some cash and hiring a paid score keeper (even a kid) may be the best answer. Maybe you could individually give them the option to pay for a scorer, or to just do the scoring themselves.

Well, hope it turns out okay, but keep in mind what Sweeby has been trying to tell you, don't judge this little boy too quickly. If there is a medical reason for this child's behavior, punishment is not the goal, but a involved team (parent/school officals) working with the child would be. Seeing that the child gets the help and guidance that he needs to function in his learning environment would be a more suitable solution for both the other children and the boy. When I called the police it was not because there was a child with special requirements involved, it was because a bratty kid without any kind of medical disorders sprayed a can of mace in my kids face after school as kids were exiting building...kid got the can out of his mom's purse and thought it was the thing to do to the new kid in class he didn't like who was getting too much attention (in the kids opinion). I'm ignorant on the disorder Sweeby refered to so I just did a quick glance at the medical condition...if that is what is going on with this boy, he needs help, not punishment... he's not a 'bad' kid. The longer the school/parent denies a problem the harder it will be for the child and for the kids he goes to school with. My DD10 goes to with a boy who has some disorder (no clue what, it's none of my business) and this boy attends partial classes in the regular classroom and partial in the special ed classrooms. He does not have a learning disablity, kid is smart as can be and gets great grades, he just has trouble being in the regular classroom. He's been known to strike the other kids, be extremely disruptive during lessons and has on a time or two 'mooned' the class. Some days boy does realy well and spends the whole morning with class and other times daughter will say '_____ had a rough day today and took his spelling and science test with his other teacher' (he spends mornings in regular classroom unless there is a problem). He takes art and music with the other kids all the time (he's very talented, the regular class teacher always has the boy's artwork displayed with honors)and it depends day to day on whether boy has lunch with the other kids in lunch room or if he eats 'with his other teacher and her students' as my daughter calls it. There is only an odd rotten kid or two that tease this little boy, the rest accept him as their classmate 'who has a rough day now and then'. I truly hope things can be worked out for the little boy in your case, Mom2. I think it sounds like your son is doing the best he can with something he really does not understand the whys and hows of.