Andrea, Marriage gives you some measure of protection in the eyes of the law. Without it, you will have very little rights without a well written contract done with a good lawyer. At this point, without the marriage protection, I would consider your finances separate for big things, ie retirement savings, house purchases, and things that affect your credit because you/he have separate financial entity. If you have a life insurance, I would NOT make him my beneficiary. I would make my parents the beneficiary. When you marry, the finances merge whether you like it or not. If you want a part ownership, you must write a good contract regarding a buy out as Kudzu describes. If he and his father want to buy a house and can qualify for a loan on their own, it's their house. If they NEED your income to qualify for a loan, I would insist on a part ownership with a buy out clause that is fair to everyone. You need to specify the percent ownership not just have your name on the deed. Don't think of this as buying a house with a boy friend you may marry so you two can starting building a nest but as a business contract or an investment opportunity where all parties need equal protection. Until you get married, that's what this is. Yes, it's complicated. But you are asking for something complicated. Talk to a loan officer with your current income and see if you would even qualify for a decent house in the area that you are looking at. Unless you ask, you will never know. Dont' ask them to pull your credit report until you are ready because if they pull too many reports, it affects your credit score.

My son studied on his own, so did most of his friends. It depends on what type of student your child is. Have your child do anearly test to get a baseline and see how well he/she does, and what areas they need to work on. The ACT will send you a break down (or have it on-line) so you know which sections your child needs to work on. My son got a 33 on his first test so he was pretty much done. The prep classes worked best for kids who initially scored below 28. Kids who scored higher than that on their initial test did not see any significant improvement using the ACT class provided by the school. A few students who scored 28 and then took the class lowered their scores. After taking the baseline test, try for one of the tests in the fall so there is plently of time for a prep class or independant study, go over the results with your child to see what they need to work on. It really isn't worth investing in the class until you know if it will be any help. Most kids felt the class helped most with the math or science sections, with their reading speed (for slower readers), or just with little tips on how to handle stuuf you don't know how to answer. It does seem like there is not enough time to answer all the questions, but there is. My son is a meticulous reader so he is a bit slow when he reads. I had him get a practice book from the library and do a practice test from each section, timed to see if he could finish. He finished every section with time to spare. The same happened when he took the test. I hope this helps. Sorry if it is rambling, it is 6:30AM here and I have not had any coffee yet! Oh, I forgot about the new writing section. Some kids did feel that the class helped them with the essay. My son did not score well on the essay, nor did most of his friends who take honors or AP language arts classes. The kids who took the college prep level classes scored better on that part of the test.

"has to balance what's best for him and best for you. And sometimes they just aren't going to work. IMO, childs needs come first." See, this is interesting. I think what is so interesting and diverse about this forum (or even when talking to friends in RL) is that EVERYONE is going to have their own opinion; and that opinion is one we have formed based on our own experiences and perspectives. Nivea, you were treated in a really cruel and hurtful manner by your SM, correct? (or am I mixing you up with another poster?) I believe it was you. Anyway, naturally, you are more inclined to empathize and identify with the child (stepchild) and perhaps even project a bit of your own feelings; and that's normal, we ALL do that. Just as I am more likely to identify with someone like Ima or Lamom or Silver, someone who is a SM dealing with difficult situations. Anyway, I know what you mean about the child needing to come first; but I think you are saying this out of your own experiences, which included being emotionally hurt by your cruel and emotionally immature SM who insisted HER needs come first. Correct? That is awful that happened and it's sad that your father allowed you to be pushed aside. (And please correct me if I am mixing up your history with someone else.) Our situation is a little different in that DH had continually made the mistake of doing things to harm our marriage---all under the guise of "it's best for SS." But a lot of what he was doing wasn't even really best for SS. DH wanted me to smooth things over and be nice to BM, even after she attacked me in front of SS. Sure, it might be superficially easier for SS if everything seemed hunky-dory again. But in the long run, what lesson is that teaching him? That violence is acceptable? That it's okay for his mom to behave like that and I will just pretend that everything is okay? Those aren't lessons I want SS or DD learning. So sometimes what IS best for SS isn't necessarily what one might think at face value. Sure, it would be more *pleasant* for him in the short term, but in the long run, I think it does more harm than good. (I don't think this particular weekend issue is even really about anything being "best" for SS, though.) And one thing our marriage counselor has been helping both of us see is that sometimes what's best for the marriage has to come first. And I will say this with 100% conviction: it would NOT be in SS's best interest for DH and I to divorce. Not at all. That would be one of the worst things that could happen for both him and my DD. I may be "just a stepmother" to him but I have been a positive and caring person in his life for almost 7 years. He views my daughter as his sister. He genuinely loves our family and feels a TOTAL part of our family unit...because he is! We are not just some people he spends a few days a month with, he has two families and we are one of them! If that unit were to dissolve, it would honestly devastate SS. It would devastate my DD, as well, but I really think it would be worse on SS. He is very sensitive to these things, and he is the type of child that turns his upsets inward. I know if he were to lose his family, it would really impact him negatively in an emotional sense. So in marriage counseling, one thing DH is having to focus on is sorting out when SS's needs really DO come first, and when it's just BM manipulating "in the name of their son." Obviously, there are times that the child's needs have to come first---heck, that is 95% of parenting! But it is my belief that this is not one of those times. SS's mom is doing well and there is no reason he can't be with her.

Oh funny. I could just see s smarty pants kid saying that and getting sent to the principal's office. My daugther is a teacher and she'd laugh if a kid said something like that to her.