The above advice is all good. Your daughter is at an age where, if there is a perceptual or educational problem, she's got time to learn to deal with it before she gets to jr or sr. high when her workload will be much greater. Tally Sue is absolutely right in suggesting that telling her 'not' to be embarrassed is probably going to have the opposite effect. I personally would be forthright and honest and say that we're trying to find a way to make learning and studying as easy as possible for her. Now, may I address your comments about your school systems. If you feel your schools aren't providing good quality education, start making noise--let your governor, legislature, county freeholders, local officials and school board know they're falling down on the job. Get other parents and the newspapers involved in your fight. Every child should have access to a high quality, FREE education, in my opinion. Children who have (or may have) learning problems should have adequate free testing available and the public school system should be providing the appropriate help for them. High expectations, yes, but not impossible. In my state, most public school systems are academically way ahead of the private ones. The public schools all have child study teams who are qualified to identify and treat problems. If a school system doesn't have the right class for a child who needs extra help, it's their responsibility to send that child to a school that does--and the public school pays the tuition and provides transportation. If your state is doing less, you have a right to demand they improve what's offered. If our children aren't properly educated, where will we be as a country? Sorry about that--I'll step down off my soap box now.

Thank you so much for your thoughts and concern. Here is the latest. The letter from our Attorney seems to have worked in terms of getting the girlfriend out of the move and live-in situation. Biofather sent a letter from his attorney stating that the girlfriend would no longer be making the move. We have ceased all attorney and legal correspondence. I called the girlfriend's father to check-in and hear from him what was actually decided. The girlfriend's father was upset at me and my wife since we had objected to "his" daughter moving in with single Biofather and our daughter. I explained to him patiently the situation/concerns and he ended up hanging up on me! Incredible! This girlfriend's father calls me back the following day leaving a message apologizing for his rude manner and explaining that his daughter would not be making the move, and "with 5 kids on a modest income, this was a good idea to him due to a lack of money to educate them" and "he wished that I would reconsider my objection." I did not return the call and this is really sad; that this father is allowing his daughter to move into a very unsafe and risky situation just for the money savings aspect! Just incredible and sad. My stepdaughter left today on a flight to Florida, 2 large suitcases and her dog in tow, to start her new life living with BioDad in this "fantasy" life in Florida (ticket paid by biofather of course). Looks like it will be just Biofather and daughter living together. Biofather and stepdaughter have only spent 5 to 7 days together, 2 or 3 times a year, for our 17 year old stepdaughters entire life, so she really does not know this man, as a parent anyway. Stepdaughter will start immediately in the local public High School and the big ticket toys will surely be lavished upon her. Life in the "country club" home with her living in the "mother-in-law" suite with her personally chosen deluxe bedroom furniture will surely be nice. Stepdaughter will complete her Junior year of High School down there, and perhaps her senior year as well if BioFather has his way. This is our only child to raise. My wife and I are devastated and we are crying. We could not stop this move (legally or emotionally with stepdaughter), and our stepdaughter has walked away from us, our beautiful loving home, her extended family up here in VA, her friends, and her first steady boyfriend. Her boyfriend even went with us to the airport to see her off today. Stepdaughter seemed happy at the airport, just like she was going on a vacation or something. We are sad and we will keep in touch with her as best we can. As a stepfather I feel like a fool! I have raised this child since she was 4 yo, and now she says she hates us and walks out. Just incredible! Her biofather has poisoned her mind against us, and we just simply continued to love her, and we know that we were good parents, tolerant, kind, and loving, and we did not trash her biofather ever!. This is what we get. We will go on. Thanks for your kind words.

Good grief. I hadn't even seen this discussion thread, much less read it until now, so I guess I'd better post. I've been so busy at work (still am) on a major project that I barely have time to do a load of laundry so I'll have clean underwear, much less read many disussion threads here... Anyway, to get to the discussion at hand -- When I was about 14 and my brother was about 7, I was in the breakfast nook one afternoon talking to my mother. My brother came in from the backyard, said something, then went back outside. I said something to the effect that it wouldn't suprise me at all if he grew up to be gay. My mother replied, with shock in her voice, "How can you say that? He's just a little boy!" I said, "I don't know - it's just a feeling I have." Our parents died when my brother was 14, and I became his legal guardian. We had always gotten along really well as kids, and I never felt "burdened" to be his guardian. When he was 17, my brother came to me one day when I was in the family room and said that he needed to have a serious talk with me. I said, "Okay." He then said, "I'm gay." I replied, "Yes, I know." He said, "You know?!? You don't mind?!?" I hugged him and told him that I love him, that I'd always love him no matter what, and that of course I didn't "mind" that he was gay. He said that he'd been so stressed and worried about telling me. I told him that I was so sorry that he'd been stressed and worried, and that everything was ok. He wondered what our parents would have thought, and I told him in all honesty that I knew they wouldn't have had a problem, either. In February 1988 he found out that he was HIV+ and I promised him that he would not die alone, which was his greatest fear. In 1993, when he was living in San Francisco and Hubs and I in the Sacramento area, my brother converted to full-blown AIDS and was hospitalized, not expected to live through the night. He was in the hospital for over 9 weeks, 6 of which were in ICU, and I was with him the entire time with the exception of about three nights. When he was discharged my husband and I moved him in with us, and I was his caregiver. He died in my arms in 1994. He was, bar none, the bravest person I've ever known. I love him and miss him so very much.

Don't let that sour your new life that's coming in the next couple of months. Not worth it. Take it as an opportunity to teach your children flexibility. Handle it with grace and they will learn a ton. Bestow the experience with negativity then they will internalize that. words I often need to tell myself, to remind me that they are watching and learning about life and how to handle it, from me. I realize you may just be venting here in a safe space, but a a new home, a new school, and a new life deserves all the excitement and positive energy you've been putting into it. Bureaucracy, it is what it is, and it has its rules.