My children are older now, not babies or children, but I had the same ideas as you when they were little - limited tv, limits on sugary snacks and sweet drinks, breast feeding, etc. And, like you, my mom laughed or ignored some of them. Fast forward 20 years later, my mom appreciates the way I raised my children and she understands now why I made the choices I did. I am very, very glad I had the rules I did when my kids were young - I was right and I'm glad I held my ground. None of your choices sound extreme to me - limiting sugary snacks, limiting t.v., wanting a schedule and more time just the 3 of you, no trip to the beach at 4 months old - those are all reasonable choices. Cheri is right, your parenting ideas will change as your daughter grows. And she is right, your parents have things to contribute as grandparents. But that doesn't mean that you have to raise your children according to your parents' priorities and wishes. However, keep in mind a few things - whenever you talk about the way you want to raise your kids differently - many grandparents would see that as a criticism of how they raised you, their own child. Before you phrase things, think about how they might come across to your parents as implying that their methods were lacking. Also, be sure and make it a point to mention to your parents what they did right. My mom and I have different ideas about television, putting coke in baby bottles, etc., but my mom is also the person who taught me that when things look hopeless you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and work as hard as you can to change things. That is a gift she gave me infinitely more precious than riches or even education. Be sure and tell your parents what things they taught you that you will pass on to your children. Another suggestion that worked for us is that I told my mom that my husband wanted those rules. My mom simply ignored my rules if they were my rules, but she thinks my husband hung the moon and should have whatever he wants, so she (sometimes) listened if she thought it was my husband's wish. She did whatever she dang well pleased if it was just something I wanted. If my mom was particularly stubborn, my husband told her himself that he wanted it that way. Another thing that works well (with grandparents and babies) is to redirect. If your mom wants to take the baby somewhere, tell her no, now is not a good time, but this weekend would be great, how about then. Or if she wants to give the baby icing, tell her no, but baby loves sweet potatoes, why don't you give her that. Grandparents love to see "firsts" - first bite of chocolate, first time at the beach. Tell your parents, no, you can't take her to the beach this year, but when she's 2 you can take her and be there for her first time. You are being more than reasonable to limit tv, unhealthy snacks, limit visits to less frequently than daily or every other day, and set the expectation of higher education for your children early. Your mother is right, your daughter will express preferences of her own one day in education, food, hobbies, etc. That is still no reason not to set your standards high. If you are raising your daughter significantly different than the way you were raised, it will take years for your parents to change their minds. But when they see your daughter as a teenager, healthy and maintaining a healthy weight, doing well in school, winning awards and doing whatever extracurriculars (sports, violin, girl scouts, dance, whatever rings her bell), trust me, your parents will tell you you did your job well. I want to address something else cheri mentioned - her daughter's desire to use organic food, use cloth diapers, read to her children daily (I heartily endorse the part about reading to your children daily, by the way). The drive to be the best mom she could possibly be was strong in cheri's daughter, and even if her daughter changed her ways, she still probably has a strong drive to do her best. That drive should be honored, respected, and as much as reasonable should be indulged by grandparents. The realities of life will knock some practicality into the heads of young parents - let them have their dreams and give it their best shot. When my oldest was a baby my mother-in-law told me this, "In every young mother's life there comes a time when she has to look at her mother and say, 'Mother, you raised your kids the way you wanted, now it's my turn to raise my kids the way I want'." Be loving, be kind, include and affirm the grandparents, and let the grandparents have their way when it isn't important to you. But stand your ground with kindness on the things that matter. Everything you're asking for is reasonable and healthy for your child.

I forgot to say that I graduated in 1980. I think I paid the couple hundred dollars myself. I was working at the time. One of my best friends who graduated in VA went with her class to Cancun, Mexico. She graduated 2 years after me and her parents paid thousands for her to go! Now kids go to Europe and Aruba. They also have more elborate proms, only a few "rich" kids had limos back when I was in high school. Now everyone gets one. I'm dreading the day when Lauren starts going to proms. I've already told her she'll be wearing the same dress to all of them or we'll be buying them used and cheap. And no limo.

Here in Wisconsin there's a state law that says they can't start before September 1 without petitioning the state to start earlier. This was due to the tourism industry mainly in the Dells area. One year our district did petition and the petition was denied. This was shortly after the law started. I remember when the law started everyone was up in arms that the state would tell us when to start school. Anyway I got off track, our schools here start on September 1. Not sure when the teachers start. My daughter is a teacher and she has been going in all week for meetings and getting her room ready. She has some type of teaching classes next week.

Because I work in our school district with many different hats..I work in Food Service, Libraries, class rooms and school offices..I know a bit more than the average parent about "how it works".. Food service, runs a report everyday after lunch is served on "numbers" it shows that "x many kids" bought lunch, "y" many kids were on free lunch, "z" many kids were on reduced lunch. And "a" many kids didn't purchase a lunch. It also will kick out low diner balance notices or emails to parents. Now this helps in the accounting department for Federal funds for the Free and Reduce lunch programs. If the school has 250 kids on the Free/Reduced, and 200 of them are on the Free..the Feds want to know that all 200 kids are using the lunch "$$" that the school is receiving for those children. As well as the 50 that qualify for the reduced rate. It also may give them a "report" that says out of 750 students at this school..300 hardly ever purchase hot lunch. 500 purchase milk and or juice. Again it's all about an accounting system..not a "tracking" number. In our school district and I believe it is State wide..Kids that qualify for Free/Reduced lunches also help the schools get Fed Aid in the form of Title I funds. Somewhere there has been a correlation between low income and the need for extra learning care. So the more families thaat apply and receive Free/Reduced help all the children that struggle in Reading/Writing and Math get more help with more teachers, Instructional Assistants and education materials. As far as lunch count..that is done first thing in the morning with a "hot or cold lunch" show of hands with attendance. That then goes to the prep kitchens with a slight pad for prep to the outlying schools.