I have the pleasure of growing three OLoG rose bushes, for 4 or 5 years now. Only a positive experience for me here in Southern California. OLoG is a regular bloom machine for me, as well as an attractive and very healthy bush!!! This rose absolutely THRIVES in the hot dry summer days and cool nights we have here in the Temecula Valley. Regular supplemental watering is a requirement, of course. Absolutely NO spray program necessary during the summer months. The cooler and damper weather of the winter and spring does necessitate occasional spraying for powdery mildew. I very HIGHLY recommend this rose-- IF you have the right growing conditions!!! Becky

I re-read your letter. I applaud you for not abandoning your children, and leaving them to fend for themselves if you left. That is a real father. A father who will make sacrifices for the children. It sounds as if your wife was in the wrong type of counceling. It sounds as though what she really needs are classes in anger management for the well being of your children. Perhaps that is one of the things you will require of her that you will not waiver on. After re-reading your first two posts, I believe that what I suggested in the above two posts sounds like a long shot. And I can imagine how difficult it would be to pull off with a person who is angry and bitter. Especially given how you feel about her. Does she have ANY good points? If so, what are they? I think it would be so depressing to live with someone who has been depressed for 20 years, and is so angry and bitter. If it were me, (OK, I am climbing up on that soapbox for a speech) I think I would tell them that I am sick of them using depression as an excuse for rotten behavior. I would tell her that if it is real depression...meaning chemical imbalance of some sort, then to get herself to a doctor and get her medications right. And if it is depression caused by her own disappointments in life, then suck it up and put a smile on your face and start doing some of the things you need to do. Because the kids and I hate living like this, and your anger and bitterness is destroying our family and the childhood of these children. They do not get a second chance at childhood...this is it, and it is going to be happy from tomorrow on. And if you cannot be a part of making this family a happy and good place to be, then I (meaning you Dave) will step up to the plate and raise these kids and give them that happy, safe childhood. Your 14 year old has so little childhood left, and I (meaning you Dave) am going to make sure it is great! Are you on board, or are you going to continue to hide behind your depression and anger and bitterness, doing your best to make sure home life is crappy for us all? She has a choice to make here. And you may find she is on board, and will begin some new changes, or that she likes being angry and miserable...and then you will know what you need to do. Forgive me for the two messages above, as after I re-read your original posts, I realized how they must sound to someone who is really in the pits in a marriage to someone who is so angry, and bitter all the time. I am not sure any of us could actually rise to the occasion if we were in your shoes and actually pull off what I suggested above. It sounds as if the marriage is just too miserable to actually bring yourself to do as I suggested. Not that it couldn't be done, but it would take a better person than I am to pull it off. Unless she actually makes a decision to change. If she does...perhaps she will surprise you all! In my best pollyanna view...I sometimes think that we can change someone else by being really kind to them. I sometimes have these wierd thoughts that you could take her for a morning of pampering (facial, massage) and then take her for a new outfit, and take just her out to dinner. That by you treating her differently, that maybe she will thaw out, and begin to see herself differently, and begin to change and laugh and smile. That she will "want" to be a better woman for her family. Perhaps it is just wishful thinking...but just maybe????? Anyone, I forget that some people actually "like" to be angry and bitter and miserable all the time. That is their comfort zone. Perhaps she is one of those people. I don't know.

Ima,my mother in law made the complaint to myspace today. It was infact her fault that BM was able to obtain the pictures, and now all family members profiles and pictures are private. Yes, I know that once they are "out there" there is nothing I can do, I'm sure she has them saved to her computer and will always have them. As for her having to believe the things she says, it's more of a way for her to prove to her family out of state that she is who "they" think she is. We (my husband and myself) did in fact get it easy where gaining custody was concerned. Dhr/Cps was involved because of some health issues reguarding one of my step sons, with many DHR visits to the home she left them living in and her home, I was granted temporary custody per her request (dad had been trying for 2 yrs before hand) because of his job.A year later my husband and myself were granted full custody with no support and only supervised visitation from her on the first and third sunday of each month (she has never once followed through with a visit). It has since been ammended to no visitation and we have a protective order on her and her husband. My step kids were beaten, threatened with weapons and not fed for over a week the last time they were with their mother over 4 years ago. Not only do we have the protective order but our local ymca, ballpark and their school also have them. She has shown up numerous times and still continues to do so, to all of the above screaming they were kidnapped and are being held hostage. She has even tried to "kidnap" my youngest step son and my own son from walmart and they were in the buggy I was pushing. So in that aspect no we arent lucky as you tell me to consider myself. I know of the emotional damage a BM can do to a child, I see it daily times 3. As I said, I have a 9 yr old who thinks he should be a girl and a 7 yr old who vomits at will to not have to eat. AND FOR THE RECORD... I never in my post accused her of being a bad parent for giving up custody, I simply chose to post a FEW of the bad choices she has made over the years, but I will say now; I think she is a bad parent (not for giving up custody) for how she has emotionally and physically abused her children and allowed others to do the same. I think she is a bad parent because she still allows her husband to abuse her and their child together, instead of seaking help(and before you say I dont understand what an abusive relationship is like, I was in one for 7 years before I met my husband all of my teenage years and into my early 20's, eventually everyone knows enough is enough). Now, you asked why I wanted to contact a lawyer. No, not necessarily to sue her, she has nothing to sue for and she wouldnt show up in court anyways. To have it documented, yes. She shows up and causes enough trouble without aid of pictures at their school, ymca and sports activities ect. It does scare me to think she has updated pictures that she can wave around and them possibly have the chance of seeing. They know she wasnt there and Im unsure of what that could do to their stability, their mental capacities(they have alot to work through as it is) and their all around behavorial issues, even if it's only for that day or week. Do I think she will use them in that manner, yes. So again, no I dont want to sue her. I dont want to waste money we dont have to waste, energy I am completly drained of already or time that I never seem to have either. As for her myspace page, today was the first I knew of her having one and no I dont care to go back to it. All of my focus does now and has for almost 7 years gone into MY KIDS, I do love them and they know it and with their father's job I am 99.999% the only PARENT they have. I do also try and ignore her, I have only one other time fed into her pity party and that was her email, she isnt worth it. But yes, this makes me angry and I feel I have the right to be, as you stated you were doing the job of "your" BM, so am I. I have a myspace page, I dont post pictures (for this reason) of any of my kids, yet here she is posting them, ones she didnt take, from a holiday she was absent from and claiming MY son as her own child also, when she didnt want to be a parent to her own kids. No matter her reason behind it, I cant seem to want to let it lie. And your right, its not going to change or fix thing nor will it make them better, but I cant help how I feel. Maybe this is all too fresh having all happened today, and Im sorry if this post seems rude, but I didnt expect to be reprimanded or attacked for my earlier post and thats kind of how it felt.

I can sympathize; I am in a similar situation. My DH had to take a job where he works every weekday, afternoon and night, so I am now home with SS all the time (I work from home during the day on top of it.) My DH didn't have a great deal of choice in the matter (the only other option was to just not pay bills!), he did consult with me prior to accepting it, and he is desperately trying to find another job... but it is still very hard at times. SS8 is a very good kid but even he can be a bit trying when he follows me around talking talking talking; when it's the whole neighborhood gang sometimes I want to pull my hair out. I don't think my DH understands just how difficult it is for me; he had been a single father for several years and a married father for so long before that. I had been living alone in a nice quiet peaceful apartment. DH just loves kids and so 10 screaming kids from the neighborhood running through the house playing pirate and swinging swords is just lovely background music to him; he can sit and read a book and pretty much tune it out. Anyway, one of our agreements is that, since I am watching SS8 every night, I am in complete control during those nights. I can (and do) tell the neighborhood kids when to go home, tell them that that's enough of playing video games and to go outside and play, decide who/if/when friends are coming along if we go somewhere, etc. It is, in my opinion, completely unreasonable to allow a 12 year old to decide whether or not he will have sleepovers and how late they will stay up - if you are the adult at home, you should make that determination if it wasn't decided beforehand. Same with being evicted from your own living room; you are the adult, you decide when enough is enough. Has Lily said that you can't make these decisions? Is she just assuming that you will/are? You have said that you've "tried talking with her". I've learned with DH that if I said something like "Don't you think the kids are being a bit rambunctious?" his response would just be along the lines of "Oh, they're just having fun". I have to use declarative sentences and be quite clear - "I have a big project due and so I will need the kids to be quieter or play elsewhere". To which he was always surprised that I hadn't just told them that. I have also told DH that I will require some time alone on the weekends, time during which I know that no kids will run in and disturb me at all. While I realize that many single parents do not get that luxury, I am not a single parent; I am a married step-parent, and it helps me incredibly with my stress level. So, I think you need to sit down with Lily and have a serious talk. Don't hint or beat around the bush; be quite clear and calm. Explain that this situation is very difficult for you and clarify as to whether or not you are in charge and whether Lily has your back on any decisions that you make. Also explain that you need some time off on the weekends. If her expectations are that she makes the rules and that you are an unpaid babysitter to multiple kids, well, honestly, I'd be looking for an apartment. I agree with lonepiper; it's a bit concerning that she just dumped this on you without your permission.