As a pro cook who loves Chinese cuisine, I have two recommendations re Chinese cooking. Ther are two great Chinese cookbooks readily available. One is 'The Breath of a Wok' by Grace Young. If possible, buy this book before buying a wok, as you will learn a great deal about woks from this book, as well as the great recipes. The second is 'Martin Yan's Feast' by Matin Yan. I know Martin (we are not friends) and I have discussed Chinese cuisine with him on a couple of occasions at American Culinary Federation meetings and he says (and I agree) that this is his best book. Two, get a good wok and tools. The Wok Shop (link below) has has excellent tools and decent prices. They have a starter set for $60 that is excellent. and you can sub any same-priced wok you want in the set. 14 to 16" wok's seem to work best on Bluestar ranges. Cast iron or carbon steel is the only way to go, IMO. Here is a link that might be useful: The Wok Shop

My husband and I have similar problems with his 3 children.My husband has primary custody of his 3, ages 13, 10 and 8, they live with us full-time and visit with their mother 2 afternoons a week and alternating weekends. In my case there is a tremendous amount of animosity and conflict between my husband and his exwife. She came right out and told us that she does not believe that blended families work, she hated being in one and hated having a step-mother to this day she bads mouths and hates. We receive weekly emails on how the she claims the children don't want to live with us and they don't want to come back after a weekend with us. The children have a tremendous sense of torn loyalty. They feel that if they like me , our home and our blended family they are betraying their mother. We have rules and discipline in our house. Their mother lets them do as they please. They have age appropriate chores in our home but do no chores at Mommy-dearest's house. My husband will tell me the same thing, that the exwife is bitter and vengeful. My husband's relationship with his children is very strained, as is the marriage and our relationship. I struggle to like my step-children on a daily basis. I went into this life with an open mind. I liked the idea of a blended family, I like the children and knew the exwife would present a major challenge. I never expected the nighmare I live on a daily basis. At times I am treated as an intruder and an outsider in my own home. I came along after the divorce and by the way the biomom walked out on her marriage nd her children. It was her choice to leave, she likes being a mom when it fits into her plans. Although when I came on the scene she all of a sudden decided to take more interest. We took the kids to counseling, it helped somewhat. They have a very strong bond with their mother and no matter how much she dumps on them, she walks on water and my husband and I are mean. They treat their dad as if he is just the ATM machine, they don't share their lives with us. For example any school projects they do at their mom's they don't tell us, on Halloween ( a holiday considered by their mother, she takes them trick or treating, On her BROOM!!), we asked what their costumes were, the replied, "We don't feel comfortable telling you". Now where in the world did that come from. So, I do know how you feel, I felt every emotion imaginable. I have reached the point that I truly want the chlldren to go an live with their mother. I am not comfortable around them anymore, it is a strain to be around them. I have considered leaving because I would not want my husbnd to have to choose between them and me. I am 41 and do not want to spend the rest of my life in this situation, I love my husband and want to be with him, what to do? First I reached the point that I have closed myself off emtionally from the children, because many of their behaviors were hurtful. I do not love them, I care about them because they are human beings and I am a good kind-hearted person whe turned my whole life not to mention the lives of my 2 sons that also live with us. 16& 15. We moved from a different state 2years ago after I got married. I do want I can for them. I don't think of us as a family, my step-children have made it cleae they don't think of us as a family. We are 7 people who live under the same roof. It is terrible to say but my husband has a better relationship with my sons than his own childre. It comes down to the fact that the bio-mom doesn't want her children being happy living with us a blended family and she instills all of her bad feelings into her children. Her children worship their mother and take any scrap she throws them. The bond is too strong to fight and all the good we try to give them and teach them is overcome by lies, bitterness and anger that their mother has for their father and me , because I married him. How can you fight that? I wish I had really good advice for you or an answer. This consumes our life and we work hard at keeping it at a distance. Children learn what they live and the biomom in my case has a much stronger influence over the children that their father and I . I feel your pain and will keep you and all other step-parent fighting for their right to have a good life with anothe peroson. In hindsight, I would have not gotten into this situation. I would never be involved again with a divorced man with children. That is a terrible statement coming from a person with children. In the 12years I have been divorced I never experienced anything I have in the 2years that I have been married to this man that I really do love. I just have been drained by all that comes with him. I pray everyday for the strenght to stay. As soon as my youngest son graduates HS (3yrs) we are moving away. We will take the children barring any legal case. We have been thru 1 custody case. The biomom sued us for full custody, she lost.She did not want to pay child support. If she takes us back to court we will hand over the children and leave or if they want to stay they can. Hopefully, we can last that long, my husband is nearing the point of sending them off to live with their mother. Remember you are not alone, that may not help much, but people are thinking of you. I am.

sklka--the housekeeper would take care of the pool. (I have cleaners who come every other week and take care of the filth in the house--I call her a housekeeper for lack of a better word, but I guess 'sanity saver' isn't a job title, but she mostly doesn't clean.) Also, I think anyone with children who doesn't have a very strong system is in the same category as people who leave loaded pistols in their nightstands around small children. It's not a matter of "comfort." It's a matter of actual risk. I'm fortunate that I could write a check for the pool right now. :) My business is finally doing very well. I do want to save for an au pair, though, as that's the only possible way I can have a 4th child and not go crazy. I can work pretty well with a baby on my lap (and have done so with three), but I do need some breathing time. My husband is not a fan of moving. (Also, Hitler was a bad man.) I doubt we will ever leave this house. I'm overimproving for the neighborhood, but I so don't care. If I'm staying here forever (and my husband has been told by multiple upper-level managers that he's considered a core member of the company and they will do anything within reason to keep him--he's famous enough in his field that his name on contracts brings money), I'm going to have the house I want. Even if he loses his job, there are companies lined up to poach him. Even if all that falls apart, I'm the primary breadwinner, and he could just create products on his own and I could support him while his business takes off. My husband was emotionally attached to our first crappy apartment in NM without working AC, to give you an idea of how much he gets attached to places. And he hated New Mexico. tcufrog--we will have the fence as well. The cover is backup and for particularly determined neighborhood children who might decide to take a swim. The alarm system will be hardwired and integrated into the design. Locks up top only works until a kid can reach them on a stepladder, though that's where we'll place them, anyway. Mine are...exceptionally inventive. ourgeorgiahouse--I know what drowning looks like. :) I've taken water safety courses and am a certified diver, so I've done some basic water rescue practice, too. The fact is that if my poor kids depend on me to TAKE them to the pool, it will happen at most 6 times a season. Now that I have a FT housekeeper, that can be more often, though at a sacrifice of other things. The pools are a good distance away, especially those that don't completely suck for children. "square or rectangle, and larger (believe it or not). Put a large bank of straight-edge steps, and sitting shelves in a couple of places where the water is deep so there is the ability to get out of the deep end as well." The diving well can't have any obstacles, but I do have a shelf planned along the rest of the pool. Even in the 3.5' deep area. And yes, it's angular. A true L. The baja shelf is on the short leg of the L. There will be no pool without a safety cover!

Hi, Adam: Hey, it comes through that you are struggling with what's going on with your parents (dad and stepmom, I think). It is hard to do sometimes, but it's OK to scroll on past unhelpful posts - AND not all shared here has been about your marriage status. Also, I am honestly confused about the topic of babysitting ---- maybe for some here having kids picked up at school by 'non parental units' equates to baby sitting while for you and others (and you) it equates to visits. I think that distinction doesn't have to be important. And agree with you that these two issues are clouding things and keeping the people from reading carefully (I do see posts that refer to your two as boys, etc.) I am just one voice. Your work to build / keep the 6 of you a strong family is important - so very important. You are right on that. And not unusual - friends have a daughter whose significant other has two kids from a previous relationship and the couple now have two of their own. These friends (the grandparents) do treat all the kids as family and have fun together and help out as much as possible. I thinkit odd for a grandparent to exclude siblings of their grandkids. A lot of grandparents do work at the relationship. Others don't. I never had a relationship with my grandparents - spent a lot of time at their house, but it was all during big events. Us kids were enjoyed, but at a long arm's length. Don't ever recall a gift from them. No trips to bowling alleys, out for ice cream, and so forth. I do think I did help with picking blueberries from their hybrids (big bushes). I find it odd that your father did that awkward thing about sharing a motel. (It would have made so much more sense for him to make that a 'boys get together'.) I find it odd that your dad wants time only with your daughters. But I suggest including your parents in family events - formal and informal - and often. But on your terms -- and you should be with them during visits now so there's total confidence on your GF's part that her boys are being well treated. I hope I've helped -- just ask if I seem to have muddled things a bit. Being a grandparent is a gift to me. My kids may owe me, but they don't owe me grandkids. My grandkids - it's all about them.