A couple from Michigan decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a
particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the very same hotel
where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic
schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel reservations. So,
the husband left Michigan and flew to Florida on Thursday and his wife
flew down the following day.

The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so
he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left
out one letter in her email address and without realizing his error, he
sent the e-mail.

Meanwhile... somewhere in Houston, Texas, a woman had just returned home from
her husband's funeral. He was a minister for many years and had been
"called home to glory" following a sudden heart attack. The widow
decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and
friends. After reading the first message, she fainted. The widow's son
rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the
computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
Subject:I've Arrived
Date: 20 March 2004

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now
and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just
arrived and been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for
your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your
journey is as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is hot down here!

The Mess

A man man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.

The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened. He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the b athroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls. As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pyjamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went.

He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?" She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world did I do today?" "Yes," was his incredulous reply. She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it."

Nine Things I Hate About Everyone

(The first one made me spit my water out laughing, LOL!)

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the tv remote because they refuse to walk to the tv and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their asses!

5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8. When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?