This brings up a very good question: if you give a person a gift and they don't like it, would you want to know?

On the one hand, knowing what they don't like (and, more importantly, why they don't like it) can help you in the future when giving them presents. After all, the point of a gift is not to make the giver feel better (well, kind of, but for the point of this argument, let's say it's not). The point of a gift is to do something nice for the receiver.

On the other hand, finding out point-blank what they don't like could be construed as ungrateful, and it might hurt your feelings. Which would undermine the good feeling you have about giving things.

I'm sure it would depend on the way the information was conveyed (snottily "Ew, I hate this" vs. graciously "Thank you so much, I am unable to use scented products, but I do appreciate the thought"). Still, all things being equal ... would you want to know?

I noticed on the longer thread that a lot of people complained that they got regifted by people who could very well afford to buy better things -- maybe that's part of the reason why those people were well off??? Just a thought.

I keep wondering what goodies we will receive this year and what someone else might accept as a re-gift....anyone have anything up for trades I'm in. Budster.

My ex had a friend who is a multimillionare. We and his pal got married around the same time. Jack (my ex) worked as a stone mason and I was at university. His pal got married first. We gave them an elegant terracotta wine chiller. Their gift to us was a single brandy glass with a little spirit lamp which you lighted to warm up the brandy. Sooo useful in our life! (We were living in a mobile home at the time.) I've never had a gift since that could come CLOSE to the idiocy of that re-gift. I gave it to charity so it could annoy someone else!

I've been reading parts of the other thread. Interesting to get other's takes on it.

I'm an avid regifter. Often times it's a case of passing on a duplicate gift that's quite nice, but something we already have.

I'm a little ashamed to admit this, but sometimes I "unload" stuff on ungrateful relatives who never even acknowledge that they've received the gifts we've sent them. I don't feel as inclined to send them well thought out gifts anymore, so while the gifts are nice, they probably aren't the quality I would have chosen if they had acknowledged previous years' gifts.

My brother is a regular prankster and gives the worlds worst gifts, so we regift them right back to him. Sometimes those gifts go back and forth for years before somebody finally donates them to charity!

Lighten up, it doesn't seem rude, it is rude. Send me the sausage.

quasifish -- Why bother giving anything to the ungrateful relatives? There's no law that says you have to. Or maybe you'd miss having somewhere to unload your unwanted junk? ;^>

Gift giving at Xmas sure can get pretty Baroque. I wonder why we all let ourselves in for these problems? No one wants to seem like a Scrooge, I guess. It sure would be nice if we could all turn things down a few notches, but fat chance. It won't happen in my lifetime.

The question is did they give you the little sausages as a "gift" like for Christmas or something, or did they just say "here, we don't want these, you can have them if you want them". Big difference.

I am totally in favor of regifting if it's done thoughtfully. I can think of two separate occasions where I was given nice gift baskets of bath products that I can't use - in both instances I turned around and gave them to people who really appreciated them. What I wouldn't do is open the product, test it, decide I didn't want it and then give it as a gift to someone.

My favorite obnoxious regift story involves my younger stepdaughter. She arrived one Christmas morning with one gift in her hands - a box of homemade toffee. As I was sampling it she announced that one of her mother's clients had given it to her mother, but she didn't like it, so it was our gift :-(

Bbonnn - In answer to your question, I would never tell someone I didn't like their gift, nor would I want to be told. As far as I'm concerned, the only decent response to a gift of any kind is thanks.

However, I also feel free to get rid of someone's gift the minute after they leave, and I think they should feel free to get rid of mine in the same way. I *never* ask anyone what they did with a gift ("do you like the CD?" "where did you hang the print?" etc.). If they want me to know, they'll tell me, and I don't want to embarrass them if they really hated what I gave.

In the case of, say, being unable to use scented products, here's how I'd handle it. I'd wait a long time - maybe six months, so your friend won't connect what you're about to say with the gift she gave you - and then I'd happen to mention that I can't use scented products. Tactfully. As in, "I was at Macy's the other day. I wish you didn't have to walk right through the perfume department to get to the rest of the store. I just can't stand perfume - it gives me such a headache. I never use it anymore. In fact, I can't even use scented bath oils or lotions."

Then hope that your friend was listening!

Well, even though I have done it occasionally, according to Santa, regifting is one of the top 10 things that get you on his NAUGHTY list! LOL

Here is a link that might be useful: Naughty or Nice?

I've noticed that many posters are saying something like "A person with a lot of money re-gifted me."

For the purposes of a stimulating discussion (and not meaning to attack anybody's statements -- just looking for a good, vivid discussion) ... does it matter if the giver has a lot of money? Would you be more accepting of a re-gift if it came from someone you knew to have no money? Would you be disappointed if a person with a lot of money gave you a cheap gift?

I ask, because I have enough money to buy people nice store-bought presents. But I don't. Why? Two reasons. 1) Because I think it's impersonal to just go out and buy them something from a store. 2) Most importantly -- I'm horrible at knowing what a person wants. I never know what to get them. I just mill around stores thinking "Would they like that? Maybe. Maybe not."

So instead, I make them pajamas, or whip up some batches of homemade preserves, or make them a quilt. I could afford to go out and buy pajamas, but I'd rather invest my time in making something for just them they they couldn't get at a store. It seems more personal to me. But now that I think about it, maybe they're thinking "Wow, that's so tacky, she made me this ugly set of pajamas, and I know she could afford something nicer."

This isn't exactly the same thing as re-gifting, but it's similar. What do you think?

I have noticed that, too, in several posts. What is UP with that? What does it matter how much money the giver has? And does anyone really know, for sure, another's financial situation?

And even if they are well off, what gives you the right, as their friend, to demand gifts of certain value?

So much for the thought that counts.

I have plenty of wealthy friends, but I don't go trolling for luxury gifts, simply because I am among those they call friends. I treasure the friendship more.

What really blows my mind is when, out of the blue, you get special gifts from someone who truly doesn't have the means to give it. Or when I get something that someone has made, like I have a relative that makes dolls for my DD.

bbonnn and TREKaren, that was exactly the point i was trying to make in the original regifting thread.

seriously, i can't stand the attitude, "i am entitled to a gift and if you have a lot of money, i expect an expensive one."

it's the same attitude that says, "i can't believe they had one of those __________ and __________ and they were on SOCIAL ASSISTANCE."

what the hell difference does it matter how much money a person has in relation to gift giving? wealth is not proportionate to the gift a person gives you.

i don't understand why people can't just be thankful for ANY gift they receive. as i said before, if these people hadn't received anything at all, they would still be complaining.

sorry for the rant. i feel very passionate about this subject. this christmas, i told everyone i don't need anything at all. and i meant it. i know my family will get me something, that's just the way they are, but i don't need anything except the pleasure of watching them open the gifts i have given.

someone told me once they believed there was no such thing as a selfless act... we always get something out of giving to other people. :o)

A handmade gift from anyone is always especially appreciated. It doesn't matter how much money the giver has. Actually, it's pretty nice that someone with enough money to buy expensive presents would take the touble to make something by hand. Their time is really more valuable to them than money, and it says something that they chose to spend it making you a gift.

As for regifting, yes I would be much more tolerant if it's done by someone who lacks means. They don't have the choices that someone with money has and must do the best they can with what they have.

But if someone with suffieient means regifts you with an inappropriate or useless castoff, it sends a strong message that they really don't give a hoot. I would rather they gave me nothing.

round two. I agree that any handmade or sewn gift is given with the hope that the receiver will appreciate the extra effort given to make the object. I try to make some gifts each year for a few special people in my life. they are generally one of a kind and the people who receive them have all the "store bought" items they will ever need. It is cheaper and offers the receipiant something unique. My 2 cents.

Oh, I forgot to mention that the cost of the gift isn't at all relevant. An inexpensive gift that's selected with care and attention to what the recipiet would like is much better than an expensive, but inappropriate gift.

The very best present is something that you didn't know you wanted, but after you get it you love it. Any giftgiver who can figure this out is both clever and thoughful. And if it's done on a low budget, that's even more admirable.

Wow... I had to read BOTH threads on this...

Yes, I am a re-gifter. Maybe us re-gifters should start a club? LOL

Speaking of clubs, our garden club has a tradition of "door prizes" that are re-gifted items, and my women's circle at church has a white elephant sale every January--you wrap each item in brown paper and it is bid on sight unseen. Both ideas for those truly "odd" items can be quite entertaining within a good group of re-gifters.

Sometimes you just get that "perfect" gift that you ooh and aah over and receive with ample and sincere thanks, but really it isn't perfect for YOU. It's not a money-thing, it's a practical thing. If I know I will never use it, there's no point in stuffing it in my closet forever. Little things I can pass out as "surprises" throughout the year, but how do you give someone an expensive leather purse you got for your birthday for "no reason"? Yep--re-gift it at Christmas! It was a wonderful purse, just too big for me, but perfect for the woman that got it on the second go-round (and still brand new!). Who knows--that purse could still be getting re-gifted THIS year! Makes no difference to me, I swear I thought it was perfect for HER when I gave it to her!

I think it matters less about whether or not the gifts were purchased or hand-made and more about that a person was remembered with a gift that you perceive as thoughtful.

(And let's face it, many hand-made "just for you" gifts are made just to save money AND are made in assembly-line fashion with EVERYONE on that giver's list getting the identical thing... doesn't that make a re-gifted gift sound more exciting? LOL)

If I give someone something they don't like, I would MUCH prefer that they re-gift it than shove it out of sight.

By the way, those of you who buy first-run gifts should try to enclose a gift receipt when possible. My mother-in-law (who always refused to buy the kids the right sized clothes--she insisted the boys should wear the same size as their ages WHICH THEY DID NOT!) always cut off every single tag from the clothing she bought our kids. We never knew where the clothes came from, and couldn't exchange them for the right size without asking her for the tags and the receipt. We gave them away instead of arguing with her that it WAS possible for a 4 year old to wear a size 8 shirt.

P.S. If anyone should have any unwanted lovely scented candles and lotions and what-not, they would be much appreciated at my house!

If you're in need of some amusement, check out this tale of regifting gone mad....

:-)

Here is a link that might be useful: Regifting

I regifted an unopened candle and an unopened CD this year. I didn't use them, and they are more courtesy token gifts to neighbors with whom I am friendly. So there! Eh!

GoodTasteNoMoney.. Original Poster: Take what you can get and say "Thank You".

The only rude thing you could say, and probably would say considering your original post, is "You don't eat meat, why should I?"

Thereby thwarting all your future attempts at embarassing them by throwing a dinner in their honor at the local "Western Sizzling"

Eat dirt, reconsider, deal with it.

Gina

I happened to be listening to Talk of the Nation on NPR on the 24th, and they did a show on re-gifting. The vast majority of people agreed with most people here - give it if you think the other person would actually like it, and be sure not to get caught!

They had a thing on the "Today" show today about re-gifting. They had two people with opposing points of view. Of course, neither could be convinced they were wrong and nothing was resolved.

Worm,

I saw that too. I didn't see it so much as a debate with an issue that had to be resolved as an attempt to discuss a confusing issue. I saw validity in both points of view. I think I agree with the etiquette expert (and many people on this forum)-regifting is okay if it is done with thought-you know the recipient will enjoy the gift.

If it is a nice gift, I don't have a problem with it. I got a dupicate baby monitor once at a baby shower, kept it, and gave it to a cousin as a gift a year later. It had never been opened, and I added a few little things, so I did make it 'her' gift.

I "re-gift" all the time! I must be really lucky, though, my friends all do it, too. It's become a joke between us and often we make wonderful use of something someone neither wants nor cares about.

If I have 2 of something, you bet I'll pass the "spare" along! If I get something I would never use (OR GIVE) I simply bring it in to work and "offer it up". Or I save the items and when I have enough of them I set them out at the end of our driveway with a "free" sign on them. Never fails... they're gone in less than an hour! LOL.

I think of regifting as wrapping a present and giving it as new to someone and hoping the initial giver doesn't find out.

I think sharing as giving to a friend or setting an item at the curb as a "freebie", a duplicate of something or an item I will never use. Nothing wrong with sharing but I think re-gifting is not good. If you do not want the initial giver to find out then I find it to be wrong. Having to 'sneak' should tell you something.

LOL... I would much rather give a gift that is re-gifted than give a gift that is so bad it is set out at the curb! I don't think it's a matter of being sneaky, but a matter of not hurting someone's feelings. You get two gifts when you re-gift: the joy of being remembered in the first place, and the joy of passing your treasure along.

I have never been "caught" re-gifting, but I think something along the lines of, "I enjoyed the one you gave me so much I thought ___ might want one" is vague enough without lying, LOL.

Biggest disappointment this Christmas: Nothing to re-gift! Our needs are few, my house is cluttered... and yet everything we received is perfect. I am starting to think I ENJOYED getting gifts that reminded me of other people!

On the other hand, the 3 sets of crystal wine glasses and decanters we received as wedding gifts 18 years ago are going to the white elephant auction... found them in the storage area under the basement stairs yesterday. We've never used them, never will. (Though I did think about saving them to re-gift when my sons get married... LOL)

The whole regifting argument reminds me of a sitcom episode (maybe "Mad About You"?) in which the kids went around the house putting Post-It Notes on items they wanted when the parents passed away.

I regifted once, but no one knew. I got put into a gift exchange once and recieved a sweater. Cute, but just not something I would wear. Plus, it wasn't my size. A few days later, I was getting ready to go to my aunt's house for Christmas and found out at the last minute a cousin was going to be in town. I didn't get her anything, and thought of the sweater. I put it back in the box and gave it to her. She absolutely LOVED it, and I wasn't empty handed.

Of course, if there was ANY chance of someone knowing, I never would have done it.

A good friend gave me two re-gifts this year...and told me. One was a basket filled with lotions, soaps etc. from various hotels she'd been to....her idea was if I had to go somewhere in a hurry I could just toss what I needed into a suitcase and be ready... the other was a cookbook she'd received and as she doesn't cook much she passed it to me. I don't mind either one....some of the lotions I won't use and will toss away but otherstuff I will just use up as needed. Still it didn't bother me in the least....use what I can and toss or give away again the rest.

Budster, that wasn't re-gifted. It was given to you because she wasn't going to use it and TOLD YOU SO, a BIG difference

Ah, weebus, I beg to differ with you.....they were wrapped in Christmas wrap and came along with some gifts for my daughter...and she only told me after we discussed who had given me the basket...no sender nametag...just a basket with stuff in it under the tree. DD had placed all the gifts under the tree from the bag girlfriend sent....and couldn't remember who the basket had come from. It was during the call she also asked if I liked the cookbook - her secret angel had given to her but she knew she'd never use it so wrapped it up for me. So yes, they were re-gifts and if I hadn't asked her - well, I don't know if she would have told me or not. It doesn't bother me either way. So it is a regift to me - being wrapped in Xmas paper and all.....perhaps you still think it wasn't but I do. No matter to me anyway, sorry I didn't make it clearer when I first posted.

You are right. Sorry, but from the first post I read it to mean she gave them to you explaining she didn't want them.

I think a point being overlooked,the one I meant in my first post, is not the giver's bank account, but the propriety of the gift. I would have been happy with just a card, but the gift we got seemed to have no thought behind it--just, HERE,
a gift we don't want. I don't care if you give me gift, just don't treat me carelessly.

My uncle once got a "gift" from his neighbor that was just unbelievable. They had a neighborhood gift exchange at Christmas. His neighbor got his name. Come Xmas eve, he opened the package, and it was all the things the neighbor had borrowed from him in the past. THAT WAS HIS PRESENT. He was really glad he didn't get the neighbors name, since he put a bit more thought into the gift exchange.

Wrapping up a basket of freebies you get from hotels and passing it off as an Xmas gift is the height of tackiness, IMHO. A homeless or battered women's shelter would be a more appropriate recipient for these goodies. Or just pass them on but don't pretend they're a gift.

We are "regifting" a few things for my daughter. A good digital camera, hookups to load photos to the computer, battery charger for camera batteries, and an iMac. Not new, but she is not terribly unhappy with them. I had considered some household items (bought new) but her computer fried and she had problems with the developing place losing her photos and giving her the wrong ones. Sometimes a used item is better. (for family anyway)

Lee AKA Fireraven9
January is here, with eyes that keenly glow,
A frost-mailed warrior
striding a shadowy steed of snow. -  Edgar Fawcett

With hints of Christmas wafting by on the wind (nearly 50 m.p.h. around here today), I thought that reconsideration of this concept might be helpful.

Food for thought?

I don't mind re-gifting - but feel that it should be something that is appropriate for the recipient.

I have a really difficult time to know what to get for people.

Actually, in recent years I've reduced the giving at Christmas, including the long list of Christmas cards - and tell the potential recipients that I'm making larger gifts to charity, instead.

But - I don't send the receipt to them, in order that they can enjoy the tax reduction that it engenders.

We got some snow this morning - and are to get more tonight.

The older that I get - the less that I like winter.

Oh, well - being retired, I don't have to go out before daylight to scrape the windshield.

And, if it's stormy, I can look out of the window and decide that I didn't need to go out to-day, anyway.

Good wishes to each of you for the coming days,

joyful guy

I am so blessed to have a WONDERFUL 85 year young grandmother that I am very close to. As most people of her age are, she is on a fixed income and each year at Christmas she struggles with wanting to give gifts to her 3 children (and their spouses), 11 grandchildren (and spouses) and 26 great grandchildren.

My grandmother has a nice home filled with personal collections that she has inherited over the years (she's outlived all of her brothers and sisters). She has seven (yes, 7) china cabinets throughout her home filled to the brim with items of varying degree of value and sentiment.

Last year she began giving each of us something from her collection as a Christmas or Birthday gift. Believe me, the sentiment of those gifts mean soooo much to each of us. She says she enjoys the fact that she can give us these things now rather than wait for us to divide them up after she has gone. For my birthday this year she gave me a beautiful teacup and saucer that my grandfather brought home to her from Japan during the war - it is exquisite and means the world to me.

I wanted to share this with you so that you might consider this type of "regifting" -- something that is truly appreciated.

I say: Bless your Grandmother's Heart. I think what she is doing is wonderful and generous!