The people I go out to lunch or dinner with even split the TIP and the TAX based on how much they spent.

And if someone is spending $60 on a bottle of wine to be shared by all, you need to speak up at the time the order is placed or right about the point you make plans to eat with them. Or just afterward: "Next time, let's order our wine separately; $60 is above my comfort level."

If they say "no, I'll treat you," then let them. Or contribute whatever you'd be *willing* to spend on wine.

One of the best money-saving tips of all time is to speak up. And to not let other people take advange of you, whether they intend to or not.

I think folks need to just start insisting that they'll pay their own share (our original poster could EASILY do this, because she's the one w/ the bigger bill, and her friend would admire how she didn't burden them), whether the checks are separated by the waiter, or by the diners.

Before this, I used to simply ask for the bill and check the cost of what I had, but it's easier to simply remember.

I think things even out over time if you eat out with people who eat similarly. The friends I usually go out with order specialty drinks, appetizers, dessert, fancy coffees, etc. It simply doesn't work out over time in a situation like this.

A pet peeve of mine is when the people who have spent the most say, "Let's split the check."!!! Congratulations to the original poster, who is sensitive to that issue.

I think if I were the original poster, I'd throw in extra money to pay for drinks and a more expensive dinner, then give back some money to the other people and tell them that they threw in too much.

Agnes does have an interesting point regarding that. The couple who spends $50 & asks for a separate check is considered cheap, while a couple who spends $100 & splits the check evenly is not. But to my mind they're cheap because they're letting someone else pay for part of their tab.

She can say, when she orders, "now, I'm gonna splurge on the lobster, so let's remember that when the check comes."

Of course, *I* also can say, "money's tight this week, so I'm gonna skip the appetizer; remember that when the check comes."

We should all just stop being worried about what people thing. And we should pick our friends better--if they're gonna look down on you because you're watching your money, you need new friends. Or you need to invest the time and energy in training them to expect a little clarity in the bill.

She and her DH live in a very nice development and a group of couples took another couple out for a farewell dinner (they were moving out of the area). The gentlemen who picked out the wine was a lobbyist and I guess used to expense accounts. He ordered a $450 bottle of wine (maybe even 2 bottles) and my sister said this was after his wife talked him out of a more expensive wine! The other couples were all relatively well off but they were all sent scrambling when the bill came! Each couple's bill came to several hundred dollars and this wasn't NYC.

My sister said the wine wasn't even all that great but she would have tried to enjoy it more if she had known how much it costs.

I spent about 10 years where I was one of only 3 people with day jobs- and I made about half of what the other two did, but twice what the rest of the gang did (and I lived at home taboot, which doubled my disposable income)

so I've gotten to see every permutation of generosity and aravice imaginable...and decided that there are some people I just don't see the point in sharing meals with...

my husband doesn't drink at all, and I do so rarely that I almost never do in public...we had a dry wedding, that's how little we drink. you would THINK that anyone who attended that wedding would know better than to try and talk us into 'splitting' a bottle of wine... or trying to include it on a 'shared' bill...

I'd rather take five decent people out to dinner at the local diner, than split the (inflated) cost of one bottle of chardonnay with people who just don't get it.

There are restaurants in NYC that do separate checks. The ones that don't are usually the really busy ones.

And it's true, Agnes, that my dentist will bill the insurance company first and then bill me for the remainder. My doctor's clinic at a hospital does the same thing. I find this confusing, though, and much prefer to pay the provider and get reimbursed--this is possible w/ my dentist, but not w/ the hospital clinic.

My child's dentist bills the insurance company but also charges us our estimated co-pay (and reimburses or bills us if they guess wrong).

The volume of people is very different in NYC.

Separate checks are no problem here though (most places ask before ordering if you'd like separate checks or not)...but most of the time we just get one check and divide it up as per who ordered what (everyone just pays for what they ordered - that's the norm around here), rather than making the waitress deal with several different pieces of paper all at once.