With my siblings and Mum, we are very sporadic about gifts. Most years we skip the gift part of Xmas, and birthday gifts are experiences (restaurant meal, a performance) or let me give you the money to pay for (whatever) that you just bought yourself. With my husband, we both buy what we need or want when we need it so we don't give each other gifts. With my in-laws, I have to provide a written list of what I might want. They rarely purchase from the list so I don't know why it's required. Since I refuse to play the game anymore, my husband provides a list of ideas for gift cards (restaurants, gas cards) for both of us. My husband dislikes the gift exchanging, although he's actually quite good at it, but he doesn't fight it because it's important to his mother and sister. Xmas is now basically an exchange of gift cards, occasionally for the exact same thing. My longest term BFF doesn't like to exchange gifts so we don't - perfect! We usually treat the other to dinner. My 2nd longest BFF is a gift giver; I give her kids money and something I think she and her husband would want. I don't routinely exchange gifts with anyone else. Once in awhile I'll get or give a gift to another friend. The best gift I ever received was when my husband was sick and a friend would drop off wonderful salads for me. I would come home from being at the hospital all day and she'd stop by with it, all freshly made with interesting ingredients. It was nourishing to my body and soul.

Thanks for all your suggestions. A theater gift certificate seemed to be the best solution for this couple. Yes, I thought about sewing something delicious for their home, but I have never been inside and have no ideas as to their taste! All these years, their parties have been held out of doors in the yard overlooking the water, (they even have a separate party restroom), so their interior decorating taste is still totally unknown to us. Thanks for all your help!

Hi Krustytopp, I've been dealing with an invasion of little critters recently, that may be mice - but on the other hand, they don't look quite like garden-variety mice ... more like junior sized rats. Anyway ... ... the tracking that they leave behind to let you know of their presence is quite similar, whichever they are and is here ... in quantity. I'm busy gathering those little black, elongated pellets up, to add to the compost pile. I could perhaps send some to you (possibly labelled as "by-products - of little commercial value" to satisfy the concerns of the postal folks) to take with you when you visit the store that dribbled away the value of your "gift " card/certificate on you. Maybe they'd like some of it scattered along their "service" counter ... ... or you could suggest to them that you could drop some of it among their merchandise, e.g. sweaters, socks, underwear, etc. - to about equal value of the stuff that they denied you. Or, if they have a snack bar, on the tables in there? How about on their check-out counter? I'll bet the check-out staff person would be impressed with that! How long do you think that it'd take for them to get cleaning staff to show up? Do you think that the check-out staff person would still be in attendance at her/his counter by the time of the cleaner's arrival?? Seems like a fitting reminder of your visit, don't you think? Have yourself a lovely week. ole joyful P.S. Hey - I just thought of a better idea. Ask to see the manager. Drop some in his pocket. Tell him that you think that a fitting response to his company's having stolen value out of yours! I think that'd be a fitting conclusion to your visit to his store! Don't you?? On the other hand ... ... if you took the stuff in a Zip-loc bag, showed it and suggested to the various staff people along the route that I mentioned that you were thinking of doing what I suggested, that what did they think about that idea? Ending with your discussion with the manager. I'll bet that they'd remember your visit for a while! On your next visit to the store, you could ask to speak to the manager again ... ... and remind him of your displeasure at your treatment by his store. Mention that you still had that little bag at home ... That you hadn't bought anything at their store today ... ... and wouldn't be doing so for a while. And that you'd been telling several friends of your unhappiness - for months, now. That they'd all had a good laugh at your story - and thought you amply justified in what you'd done. Just thought that he'd like to know. Give him the bag. Just mention in passing that you have another like it at home. No - you didn't threaten them/him with anything. You were just considering certain possible future actions. o j

People often suggest this snidely, but actually, now that she's beginning her own family life, you might consider getting her an etiquette book. Here's why: My next-door neighbor just died, and I'm in the position of "occasional niece"--not THAT close, but they have NO ONE else. I didn't know what we should do--I wanted to help notify people; but do I write, call, what? I looked in an etiquette book! And while I was there, I noticed that there was advice on a TON of family and social matters. Advice on how to prepare in advance for your OWN death, to help those remaining deal w/ all the details. Info about dinner parties, confirmations, EVERYTHING. Put that together w/ Home Comforts (a great book, and a great suggestion!), and you've got the beginning of a reference shelf--both books will be useful for her as she plans for the immediate future. And then there's a family-medicine reference book--useful when she has kids (or even before, though somehow parenting requires more medical knowledge than being an adult). ;-) Froggy, you should buy gifts because you WANT to. Believe it or not, some of us ARE moved to buy engagement gifts, shower gifts, AND wedding gifts. An etiquette book would tell you this. Engagement gifts are very definitely optional. Shower gifts are mandatory IF you attend (but attendance is not required). A wedding gift is socially necessary if you know the people well enough to attend the wedding. As always, the amount is up to the giver. There's a verse in the Bible: "The Lord loves a cheerful giver." Ditto for brides--if you can't be cheerful about giving the gift, don't give it (and stay home). If you want "personal" for a "dearest friend," then listen VERY closely in the next week, and see what sorts of things are going on w/ her, in planning, etc. The gifts I've loved most are the little, inexpensive, not-fancy-at-all gifts that tell me someone was listening to me babble.