auntjen, DH (and therefore I) have had to go to a couple of not-particularly-liked co-workers' weddings purely for office politics. He didn't give crap one about the co-workers (and I wouldn't have known them had they stopped me on the street and kicked me in the shins) but had he not shown up things would not have gone very well for him in the office. Some workplaces are just lousy like that, if you don't participate in the "office culture" you're sunk at review time. There were other "unwritten-but-really-required" activities like the bar-hops and expensive restaurant lunches (of course not paid for by the employer) for stuff like birthdays and departures that contributed to his leaving that job. Things like that added up very fast, and DH was the lowest-paid person in the office by a BIG margin - like there were several people in that office making 10x what DH did. At the time I had ONE nice dress, and it was the standard all-occasion, all-season "little black dress" with princess seams and elbow-length sleeves. I wore brightly-colored accessories - shoes, purse, and chunky vintage jewelry from Goodwill ;-) - and didn't get any guff from anyone.

Polly, I'm so glad this worked out so well! I bet you'll notice that others in your family and friends will follow your lead and do this too. What you avoided: My four-year-old neice just received 9 (yes, that's nine) new American Girl Dolls including all accessories and furniture bits for her birthday. Of course, that was only part of the gift haul. She's got an older sister and an entire toy room of dolls and furniture and costumes already. My SIL is from a big family and they celebrate all holidays and birthdays with big get-togethers and I think there's a lot of competition as to who buys the most/best. These are NOT families with a ton of money, either. Holy cow. Thank you thank you for being so strong and forging ahead with your idea! You're happy, your son is happy, the charity is happy, and your guests are happy. That's what a party is all about! Good job!

DLM, I think that you will never be sorry to have kept them. To keep them from being seen as "clutter" after you're gone, get them them properly packed and stored and then pick the right person to have custody of them for the next generation. It may be one of your DIL, or if you have nieces or nephews, perhaps one of them. I'd choose someone who appreciates family stories, and who would be a good - and generous with access -custodian of shared family history. In my DH's family when I got engaged there was a small family gathering,(mostly female) and the wedding dresses and some other family wedding memorabilia were sort of the organizing theme for the party. It was a great way to meet my some of my in-laws-to-be and feel included in my new family's story, Since my engagement diamond was re-set from an family piece, everyone wanted to see it in my new ring. It was a lovely tradition and I plan to do it when my nephew finally settles on a bride - even if it seems a bit old fashioned. What else is an elderly aunt for? Many times I hear people express a bit of envy that in my family and in my DH's we have so many "heirlooms" from generations gone by. Some things have by sheer old age have now become valuable, but most still have only modest monetary value. But they all tell the stories of the family - sometimes in modest circustances and sometimes not. Each succeeding generation chose to take care of these items and pass them on,probably always at some cost of in terms of time, trouble, or even perhaps the forgone value of selling them. This speaks volumes about the values cherished and passed down in our families. And that alone is worth the effort preserving these things as totems of the clan. Anyone can start one's own chain of family hierlooms, today. It has to start somewhere. L.

I agree that as parents we need to let our kids have their weird clothing choices and fashion faux pas. I, too, was a teen in the mini skirt/hot pants era. I remember being in England in the summer of âÂÂ69, on Carnaby Street, and some English teens asking why the girls in our group wore our skirts so long - and our skirts were all several inches or more above the knees. LOL But I also think that as a parent we have an obligation with our kids to draw the line at certain looks, certain trends. It is also our job to teach them to know that there are certain clothes appropriate for certain occasions. We have an obligation to set rules and say âÂÂnoâÂÂ. For example, my mom HATES jeans. I never was allowed to wear them until I went off to college and bought my own. So when we see my mom for dinner or lunch, my two sons know that they donâÂÂt wear jeans. I donâÂÂt have to tell them to wear a nice pair of casual pants, and nicer shoes, and a collared shirt. It is a small thing, but it makes her happy (and avoids a LOT of nasty remarks), making for a more pleasant gathering. We are not talking fancy restaurant here, often just a casual family restaurant where pretty much everyone in the place is in jeans. But that lesson hasnâÂÂt been a waste of time, either. They both seem to know when they need to dress up a bit - both have voluntarily worn ties, suit jackets, etc without being told or asked. Older DS went to his teaching internship prepared to wear ties and dress shirts and khakis every day - until his mentor (an amazing guy) told him he could drop the tie as it made the mentor look bad! LOL I find the ultra high heels unattractive - most women canâÂÂt walk in them and just look awkward. Add to that bare legs and mini skirts, and the look just says âÂÂcheapâ to me.