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Vacationing at non-frugal friends' home
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Posted by miscindy (My Page) on Mon, Apr 6, 09 at 16:30
| We are currently on vacation out of state staying with friends. We all lived in the same area for 5 years until they moved due to job loss. Apparently, since they've been gone, we're the only ones who became frugal. The first evening we arrived, we met the 2 families out for dinner--BBQ place family style meal--chicken, steak, ribs, beans, cole slaw, turkey for $65 (plus drinks), but it did feed 6 adults and 4 kids. We shelled out $30 there for our family of 4. The next day for lunch, we are with 1 family--they say let's get pizza. OK- that's usually reasonable--at home we spend $11 and it's enough for the family. Two families of 4--bill comes to $65 again! That night we convince them to cook out. The guys come back from the store with fillet mignon and apple pie from the bakery--another small fortune. Day #3--lunch out (these people never eat at home!) not too bad. Dinnertime rolls around. I say why don't you make your famous tacos? They come back with "How about Q Doba?" OK--$20 more for tacos and tortilla chips!! Money is getting low! We're trying to use cash only. Last night 1 of the wives and I go to WalMart and get some groceries. Tonight will be homemade tacos for dinner. I bought peanutbutter for lunch for the boys and I today--she's at work and the guys ate out (of course). We're headed home tomorrow--good thing, we're broke!
We used to live this lifestyle and now it just seems crazy, money flies out of their hands left and right! It's interesting to see how far we've come since starting a budget about 7 years ago. Even when the friends lived nearby, we cut back quite a bit on the eating out with them--we couldn't afford it! We'd say "Come over after dinner and we'll play some cards and pop some popcorn!" |
Follow-Up Postings:
RE: Vacationing at non-frugal friends' home
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| Can you really not afford it??? or just saving. If you can't afford it you need to request separate checks, tell them you are light eaters. When my husband and I used to go out to dinner and dancing with friends we paid for our dinner, no splitting the bill. But when we went to a club to dance and drink, when one friend finished his drink he would order a round for everyone. Then everyone would take turns paying for a round. We soon stopped that because we would have drinks just sitting there that we would never drink. My husband told them, we are not ready for more drinks we will order our own. That took care of the problem. |
RE: Vacationing at non-frugal friends' home
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I've been on both sides of this, but I hope I have always picked up on signals that our friends maybe didn't have the money to spend, then we would be quick to offer to treat, or offer to cook at our house. It's hard when you are staying at their house, you are sort of at their mercy...but does she not like to cook?? If we have company I always plan on cooking most of the meals, even if its just burgers on the grill or tacos like you suggested.
We recently had friends come to town, they were staying in a hotel and we were supposed to go to dinner, well they called and I think were getting at they maybe didn't have the money to go out to a fancy dinner and also had brought their dog, could we just grill out. Normally this would be fine, but we had just got home from a trip that morning, I was in no mood for throwing together a bbq...so we said just bring your dog over, we'll order pizza. We have a great place we get pizza from, I ran and got stuff for a big salad and a simple but yummy homemade dessert and that was it. They offered to chip in on the pizza but we said no... |
RE: Vacationing at non-frugal friends' home
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| That's hard particularly when you're the guest. We don't entertain a lot, but we're good for a meal or two out where we pay for everyone and then we usually grill at home. Fortunately, most people that dh and I entertain are fairly frugal people. There isn't a big push to eat out every meal. We tend to enjoy the food more because it is something special and not just a routine. |
RE: Vacationing at non-frugal friends' home
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| Sounds like it would have been cheaper to go to a motel and eat where & how you wanted! Sometimes cheap can be expensive. |
RE: Vacationing at non-frugal friends' home
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| Yeah, I just reread the OP's post, keep in mind you did not have to pay for a hotel room. So if you look at it that way, maybe it's not so bad. Also you said you were on your own for lunch because the wife was at work, maybe she was tired and didn't feel like cooking. I mean I would like to think I would plan ahead if company was coming and have something easy to prepare on hand, but everyone is different. You could also surprise your hosts with dinner, pasta and salad would be easy and inexpensive to prepare for a lot of people. |
RE: Vacationing at non-frugal friends' home
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| I'd say that you deserve a gold star for the success that you've achieved in frugal living. The next question (and you don't need to answer publicly) is ... ... what to do with the savings achieved by the frugality? Frugality should be a means to an end ... not an end in itself. Or so it seems to me. Good wishes for increasing skill in managing both your income and the (growing) assets. ole joyful |
RE: Vacationing at non-frugal friends' home
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| It's nice that you have been friends for so long and have even survived a long distance move. You called this trip a "vacation." Perhaps they also view it as a vacation of sorts, and welcome the respite from the daily routine, especially cooking. Your post has brought up the point that it can be difficult to maintain friendships when spending habits, income or values (about money) are vastly different. It is possible, and worth the effort. |
RE: Vacationing at non-frugal friends' home
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| Ruffian1: I like your point about friendships and spending habits. It is worth the effor to keep good friends. I try to be frugal but on vacation I rarely cook a meal. I look at it like our vacation time is limited so we want to do the most we can while there. I also tend to take shorter vacations to less expensive places. So I save money on destination and by not staying long. But I do spend money eating out almost every meal (we usually buy a couple boxes of cereal for breakfast and eat out lunch and dinner). We also don't usually get back to our hotel or rental house until 8 or 9:00 when we are on vacation. |
RE: Vacationing at non-frugal friends' home
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| On vacation we do eat out more often but it is usually at a budget minded place. We don't order much beyond water to drink....I feel for you miscindy and I'm afraid we would not have stayed long with your friends before moving on. Good friends should be good enough that you could just say "sorry we can't afford to keep spending like this as we are on a budget this vacation". And if they offer to pay for everyone I would just say "it's very kind but let's think of another option". Home looks pretty good now I bet. |
RE: Vacationing at non-frugal friends' home
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| If I was a house guest, I would take the host out to dinner at least once, then order in a pizza maybe. I would never expect someone to cook for me all the time. I try to get my SIL to make easy meals, we love sandwiches, but she doesn't listen. She cooks for 3 or 4 hours everyday and makes me feel bad. I like olejoyful's question. What are you saving for. |
RE: Vacationing at non-frugal friends' home
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| We're back home--it's good to be home! In response to your questions-- the friends normally eat out that often--they did even when they lived near us. And we are saving because we are closing on the purchase 10.5 acres of land in 2 weeks. We are paying down debt on a fast-track schedule to begin saving for the down payment on the house we plan to build in 3.5 years if we stick to our budget. Other than spending a week's worth of spending and grocery/gas money in 3 days, we had a very nice time with our friends! :) Now I can get back on budget! |
RE: Vacationing at non-frugal friends' home
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| I am ALWAYS so glad to get back home, even if I've only been gone for the day! :) Glad you had a nice time. |
RE: Vacationing at non-frugal friends' home
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| My approach is that if I am on vacation, I expect to spend more than if I was still at home. That's what a vacation is - leaving life behind for a period of time! If we "can't afford it", we don't go away. Glad you enjoyed the time with your friends. |
RE: Vacationing at non-frugal friends' home
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| I guess it was interesting to see their lifestyles from a new viewpoint. 8 years ago we lived more like that, but now live our daily lives on a cash-only budget. We don't stop at the convenience store for a soda/coffee on the way home when there's soda/coffee at home, we wait until we get home. (Actually I don't even buy soda for myself and don't allow my boys to drink it, but dh does.) I don't waste half of the food I buy--I use it. I bought a newspaper while at their home--they live in a major metropolitan area and there were 6-7 coupon inserts. I clipped a lot, but there were still a lot left. I offered them to the friend and she said to put it in recycling--she didn't even look at them. I guess I haven't done coupons my whole life, but the choices we make are so different these days. |
RE: Vacationing at non-frugal friends' home
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| when I'm on vacation, I expect to spend more than I would staying home. In addtion, when I see friends, I like the opportunity to go out and be able to socialize without having to worry about prep, cooking and cleanup. If I have guests and I buy ingredients to make dinner, I also will also buy more expensive foods than I would normally. For example, I might make filet mignon for them, whereas at home we would normally just eat something simple and cheap like rice and chicken. I'm sorry that you spent alot of time worrying about money instead of enjoying your time spent with friends. If you go visit friends again, I think you need to be prepared to spend some extra though. |
RE: Vacationing at non-frugal friends' home
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I have to say I've been really surpised at some of the responses, in a good way! I mean this is a money saving forum, but for the most part, everyone is agreed that yes, of course be frugal in your daily life, however, there does come a time to relax and actually enjoy yourself without agonizing over money spent. I'm so glad to see this, I think alot of times people get so caught up in the scrimping/savings, they almost make themselves miserable with it and that should not be the point in my opinion.
Like joyfulguy said frugality should be a means to an end, not the end.
I think everyone is simply telling you to give yourself a break and cherish the time you had with your friends. So you spent more on food than you would have liked, you will know this for next time. |
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