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Retired to the south two years ago but

18 years ago

no neighbors came and we are in a very nice neighborhood. They won't wave or talk or even look at one another let alone us. I wonder if we should leave. We love our home.

TnBella

Comments (11)

minnie_tx
18 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Are you involved in any activities? at the Retirement Center or Church? Perhaps your neighbors are fearful that they will get involved in morning coffee meetings or something.

You might want to be around when the mailman delivers and have a little chat with him. Most people have their eye out for him and maybe you can give a wave or something.

I'm not involved with my neighbors either except we do wave and exchange greetings and were helping each other out during the ice storm a couple of years ago.

You might want to start an emergency phone list on your block. One of mine did and got a number to call if needed. He then made a copy for each of us on our block.
Or you might ask if there is one already.
minnie_tx
18 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
TnBella Have things improved any? Hope so
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joyfulguy
18 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Hello TnBella,

I wonder whether there are some community groups, etc. in which you could become involved?

Are you into volunteering?

Most communities have agencies that are looking for volunteers and our city hall or library can tell you of a local group that is a central clearing house for such requests.

One can often meet some lovely, community-minded people in such activities.

If you are interested in fitness, there are places where people work out and you might meet some interesting people there.

There are many interesting people who frequent libraries, as well.

In some areas seniors go to local malls in the early morning to walk for exercise.

Good wishes as you look for compatible people and I hope that you have a gloriuous New Year in your new community.

ole joyful
Tennessee
18 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
It takes time to get acquainted in a new community. Develop some hobbies, check out community activites & see where you can get involved. Every community needs volunteers. Our hospital has volunteers, elementary schools like volunteers to help with different projects, charitable organizations always need help. The more you get involved, the more you will feel part of the community.
goldy
17 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Sometimes people come from unfriendly places and bring their habits with them.You hold on to your good habits and sooner than later things will change.
cathie54
17 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Which part of the South did you move to?

I don't know if it makes a difference, but I've lived in many places around So Cal, and no one EVER greeted me.

When we moved into this house in fall of 2003, I was SHOCKED that on Christmas Eve Morning the next door neighbors came ringing our doorbell (I was still asleep!), introduced themselves and had a home-made jar of cookie dough mix for us!

They explained they wanted to wait to give us time to get settled before coming over.

I have NEVER experienced this in the past.

Sad but true, people are either "too busy" or tend to keep to themselves these days. It's not like it was in the 50's or 60's - when everyone knew everyone.

OR, What if you make friends with your neighbors, and then decide you have "problems" with them...or, worse, THEY have problems with YOU!

My hubby just RECENTLY met the neighbors across the street for the first time. They have lived there over a year now!

My son's dog got out one day, and hubby had to go across to get him. THAT created his first short meeting.

Then one night we heard a loud crash. The neighbor was trying to haul a pick-up truck up their steep driveway with a small car (wife driving & hubby in the truck), and the cable snapped.

Hubby took his truck and helped haul the truck up.

Now - when neighbor sees hubby outside, he hollers "hello!".

We've lived here about 2-1/2 years now. I had every intention to go out and about and meet neighbors.

I've been too embarassed, as we STILL are not settled in - boxes and "stuff" everywhere! Plus, may hair hasn't seen the inside of a beauty salon in like 7 years, and my glasses broke about 3 years ago - so they sit on one ear only (plus I can't see anyway).

We've had numerous problems - hot water leak under foundation in kitchen area which cost a fortune not just in repairs, but in water and gas bills for four months, mice in kitchen that showed up when they started digging up the neighborhood to build new houses, bees that decided to make home in our wall...not to mention that both hubby and I messed up our backs while moving - hubby actually fractured something in there - so HE was down for several months, son decided he needed to move back home for awhile - so even MORE stuff! It just never ends. I am on disability, so I can't do much so fast these days...

So, we meet new friends - then what? I can't even let them in house because it's still a disaster, PLUS, we dumped our sofa and loveseat when we moved - nowhere to sit!

PERSONALLY, I've been in hiding! LOL! Everything is just too stressful right now.

I WANT to be neighborly - it's just me and this mess holding me back.

I HAVE gone out and introduced myself to neighbors in past. But seems everyone wants to distance themselves. I don't know what the deal is.

I guess if I threw a bar-b-q every weekend with written/hand delivered invitations, and had a pool and lots of entertainment, they MIGHT show up and become friendly...haha...
nannyp
16 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
I agree with those who say you have to get out and meet people. We moved a good bit when we were first married and I didn't make a lot of friends because I didn't get out.

My mother-in-law moved to our town a few years ago and she expected people to beat a path to her and that is just not going to happen. We took her to church, tried to get her to go places and meet people but she just sat---and now she is still sitting.

Sorry, but I grew up military and we made friends easily, but towns don't do the same. I understand people are busy, they have their own interests, are somewhat skiddish of meeting strangers this day and time, so you just have to take it in your own hands.
joyfulguy
16 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Yoo-hoo!!

TnBella ...are you still around?

Say something!

Let us know that you're alive and kicking!

ole joyful
arizonarose
16 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
TnBella, if you are still here...I can so relate to your post. We had sort of the same problem..but different, as our neighbors kind of stuck together & left us out cause we were newbies..for EIGHT YEARS!! That was tough on me..DH was gone alot w/ his work, & I was there with the snobs..
we moved...i feel better :-)
You've gotten some really good advice here as far as how to make your life more complete, but i feel like what you really want is *neighborliness* That's something that's difficult to get if you are in the wrong neighborhood. Just my opinion. we moved..couldn't have it any other way.

I'm happy now....:-) Guess we just didn't fit in @ the other place. but now neighbors smile..wave...it's all good..

Hope you find your niche..I bet you would be a great neighbor!
jemdandy
16 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
In the south, the fast track to meeting new people is through a local church. If you begin attending a church on a regular basis and are open to casual conversation, soon, you'll have someone to talk to. However, your body language must say "I'm approachable".
linda_in_iowa
16 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
I moved to Iowa 18 months ago. I work part-time, joined a church and two Red Hat groups. I also take classes at the College for Seniors. I also volunteer for some activities. My best friend is my next door neighbor. You really have to make an effort to get out and meet people when you are new to an area.

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