My ex-, an Iowa girl who'd spent her career in Korea and as near-head and head of food service in a major hosp. in southern Ont., retired early and used to enjoy spending about 3 mos. of the year travelling from FL to TX. But she had a home in London that, though it didn't look big from the street, had about four levels, some of it underground ... that was pretty will filled with stuff, hers and quite a bit that belonged to our son and daughter. They had quite a job sorting it all out subsequent to her death, three years ago this month, selling the car, the RV (which she'd traded down from a larger one shortly before her illness) and the home. Good wishes as you make your plans ... I think that I like the idea of confining ourselves to a room or so in your home for a while prior to trying it. Or renting one for a while ... or finding one that friends own who use it for a short time each year, who'd be willing to rent it long-term at lower than commercial rate. If you've followed my Christmas gift on these fora for a few years and implemented it ... if you send out a message over that network, you might find someone that you know (or knew in earlier years) who'd be interested in such a proposal. Good wishes as you make your plans. ole joyful

Except for the fact the child exist, I must have missed the parts where the child is really doing anything 'wrong' or anything to upset your world so much. Are you sure it is not just your hormones going a bit crazy? Or that you rushed into this marriage too quickly without thinking it through and got pregs on top of it? My DH raised his son by himself (with Gma assisting from afar during work hours) for the first 9ish years. Not all fathers spoil nor play into the mommy abandoned kid routine. You've been married a year, been in counseling with DH a year...was there ever a time in this relationship that you accepted and loved the father and child or was to change and fix everything always your goal? Sorry, not trying to judge or second guess, but to me, that's how you are coming across. You sound as if you were handed this man and his son of which you must shape up to suit your ideas and preferences. Love of a stepson does not come instantly, but is there anything at all you like about this child? How did you interact with the child during your dating his father time? You knew when you signed on that the child was going to be around 24/7, right? Sounds like you need room in our home for yourself. TV, bed and computer all in same room...in a short time add a new baby to that mix and you'll really be pulling your hair out. Most ten year olds don't go off to friends all day, day after day. DH and you jointly need to find things and ways to see the child has things to do that don't cost a lot. Kid needs his own space with his own things that he can go off into that you a bit of 'down time'. He's 10, you don't have to entertain him all day. But I get the feeling it all has much more to do than with just SS. You're broke, you don't get alone time with hubby (gonna be broker and tied up with an infant soon)...what sleep is dad going to get with a crying infant? I think you really need to step back and look at everything (not just the SS) as it does not sound as the child is really the problem for you. Cramped quarters, boring diet selection, no money, no time alone, a child demanding of your time and attention (the baby) would still be all there confronting you even if this child were not. Are you sure the child is your issue in this relationship/family.

KKNY, I think you may have the wrong impression. My stepdaughters are teenagers (12 and 14). They are not in need of a babysitter. This is my first marriage and I have no biological children as of yet. I spend a great deal of time with the girls which is mutually enjoyable. I have absolutely no resentment towards the girls or my husband. I willingly and lovingly accept the responsibilities of being the female "head of household" figure. The girls completely and absolutely accept me in this position. The girls also completely and absolutely accept me personally, flaws and all!! Yes, my husband is the custodial parent and I depend upon him for the final "laying down of the law" so to speak, however, the kids and I happen to 'click' and we have very few problems with one another. I respect them, they respect me. I love them, they love me. No problems, no issues. I do the things I do for them because I love them. No, they are not my biological children but love them I do! This is not a "stepmom should know her place and not have so much contact with the children - leave it to the custodial parent" kind of issue. They are in need of a maternal figure in their lives. Their mother does not want that particular job so I fullfil those needs. No, I'm not their mom, I'll never be their mom and I don't want to be their mom. To further clarify the situation, I have always supported and advocated their continued relationship with their mother. I have wiped their tears, smoothed their hair and encouraged them to look beyond the surface and realize that, no matter what, their relationship with their mother is worth fighting for. I always try to put their best interest first and foremost. This is not a "stepchild versus stepmom" issue. Nor is it a "custodial father needs to assume his duties and not leave it to the bad stepmom" sort of thing. This is a "why is their mother treating me the way she is" situation. I don't deserve her hostility.

Your post made me smile :) you could have been me writing those words a few years back, we have the exact same situation as you except my SD is 12 now, and BM dissapeared a couple years ago.....So don't feel alone! I would like to tell you it gets easier..but heck parenting in general is not easy, and step parenting is even harder.....You are a parental figure to her, and flat out you are gonna be seen as the bad guy wuite a bit to her the next few years if you are the main caregiver.....don't feel guilty about it though, someday when she is a parent she will thank you!! I would sit down w/ your DH though, and try and figure out a better plan for his interaction with her...my hubby travels a lot sometimes but while he is gone, he is checking in a few times a day, and pretty much knows whats gone on even if he isn't at home, I am not opposed to "telephone Parenting" and often have my Bio's and SD give dad a call....sometimes it's good (hey dad! I got an A++++) or sometimes it's not ( uh..yeah..dad..I got detention for chewing gum.true story!) It has worked well for us, keeps dad more involved when he doese have to be gone, and I don't feel like I am doing it all alone if he is out of town...........