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For Donnakt

Posted by ivamae (My Page) on
Mon, Oct 3, 05 at 8:33

Donna, a lot of us understand how you feel. I lost my dear partner almost 6 years ago. I will admit the first while was the worse but it is still very hard, especially at times. I am a person who finds it hard to meet new people but I also knew how important it was, especially for someone with my personality. (I was an only child, living out in the contry, with no close playmates and knew a very lonely life and understood that I couldn't cope with that loneliness again.) I joined several programs that offered 6 or 8 sessions each. They were a wonderful way to meet new people and I did. Through these, I learned of a bereavement group and these dear people wouldn't let it drop. I had to join in order to get them to let up. I am so thankful that they were persistant. It did me a world of good and I met more dear friends. There were 7 in our group. Shortly after it finished ( 10 weekly seesions I believe) one went to Florida for the winter and decided she could get on with her life without us. The rest of us decided we still needed each other, and after all this time, we are still meeting weekly, at a local food court in a mall. We just still need each other. We have very serious conversations at times, other times it is hilarious. We all know how the other feels. One of our group is now in a nursing home. The first one did get on with her life quickly and is remarried. One of the others is remarried but still joins us most weeks, without his new wife accompanying him. Another one of the group phones me almsot daily. We do need support and for a long time. But the bottom line is that, life does go on and we have to pull ourselves up and do whatever it takes to make the best of the situation. Our departed love ones would not want us to do anything else. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Do keep posting and let the love of the KT friends help you.

Follow-Up Postings:

RE: For Donnakt

donna, I'll add a note here too. So sorry to learn of your loss. No matter what preparations we make, it seems we are never ready to lose our loved ones. I hope that all is going well for you. I agree with IM. I have worked in these fields for years and there are some very helpful groups out there. You can usually find out about them through your hospital pastoral dept.

ivamae, "But the bottom line is that, life does go on and we have to pull ourselves up and do whatever it takes to make the best of the situation." This is true, but I have found through others that there is no way to hurry the grieving process. It will take it's own time, in fact, I don't think that the grieving ever completely ends. But you are right that life does go on and you can give yourself permission to begin to enjoy it. It in no way diminishes the love or reflects the amount of love for the lost one. It simply begins to let you love yourself again - enough to do some enjoyable things with others and by yourself.
I wish you well too, in the ability to pull yourself up, as you say, and have some fun and get on with life.

Well, well, well, that is my fav. cousing's name, so I like you already. Funny how names influence us, isn't it?
Blessings to both of you,

RE: For Donnakt

I agree with you Gramma Jan. Everyone moves at their own speed. No two people are the same. I know I'm still grieving and I expect you are right, that we always will be. However, I do think we need to do all we can to get out with friends, especially ones going through the same thing. Slowly we will get there, each in our own way and each at our own speed.

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