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My marriage may not survive this

Posted by annie58 (My Page) on
Thu, Aug 12, 10 at 13:33

My husband retired two years ago at the age of 51. We both discussed his retiring beforehand and agreed that he would have to work somewhere afterward in order to maintain household expenses. We still have three children living at home, two in University. He started a "handyman" business which got going quite well and has also taken a full time (temporary) job for a few months. I have always been a stay-at-home mom, caring for our five children.
My problem is that when he is home, he does very little to help out in the home. Before he was retired, he helped out quite a bit. Now, he has very little interaction with his children and I. He leaves stuff around, not picking up after himself. The little jobs that he always did now is left to the rest of us. His favourite saying these days seems to be, "Why don't you do it?" He seems to slowly be removing himself from this family home.
I think he thought when he retired that he could sit in a chair, read and do crossword puzzles because that is all he seems to do when he's home now. I asked him the other day, "When do I get to retire?".


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: My marriage may not survive this

If he was helping before then I think his behavior is strange. Have you tried to talk to him about it? Could there be some sort of health problem coming on? I hope you can figure out what the problem is.


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RE: My marriage may not survive this

Although I agree with the other posters. You should definately talk to your husband. You might jolt him out of the blues, if he has them by asking him if he has been not doing the small projects to teach the family how to survive after he is gone. Then follow up with insisting on him going to doctor for a post retirement checkup to see what changes he/the two of you need to make so he can live a more healthy life.


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RE: My marriage may not survive this

Same here....DH just thinks "his job" now is to sit in the recliner and watch old movies...and drag his chair up to the dinner table!! He says at 79, he can do as he pleases, but I do think that depression is causing a lot of it, but he says, "There is nothing wrong with me"...he is anti-doctor about anything...so won't go to one~~so gave up that notion~~ Wish my health was so that I could work...I'd get a job in a heartbeat just to have some space!


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RE: My marriage may not survive this

Annie and Phoggie, I can certainly sympathize with both of you--however, you both made me feel better about my own retired DH! I had posted something similar to what the two of you are saying on the "baby boomer" post on here. My DH seems to have lost interest in everything except eating and kicking back in his recliner and listening to "oldies" or watching television. I had envisioned having time for some home repairs, taking motor home trips, and doing some volunteer work when we both retired. He just says he's tired all the time and isn't interested in doing much of anything! Maybe some men are just not the "active" type. I've talked to the doctor and he says it might be depression, yet he does nothing when DH goes in. I've just started doing my own thing and leaving him lying on the recliner. I'm less grumpy if I get out and away for awhile. Luvs


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