Winnowing - you don't really want to leave your cozy home where your kitty is so happy and you have your independence, do you? Having been a frequent apartment renter and now, finally, a house owner, I can tell you that there is no comparison. I am also now a landlord, having inherited my mother's home in another state, which is managed for me by professionals. I echo what others have said about your light problem. Try going to your landlord and asking him if he would be willing to repaint the interior of your house. If not, then ask him if you may do it yourself. Paint it a light but warm cream/ivory color throughout, after showing him the intended color. The heck with the loud, fashionable colors - nothing opens up a house like light walls. Paint the ceilings slightly lighter than the walls. This will lift and enlarge the rooms. Then hang some mirrors opposite various windows. You'll be amazed at how they also enlarge the room. If possible, have a lamp next to or in front of the mirror; this will almost double the reflected light. Light bulbs don't use lots of electricity, so you can leave some lamps on during the day when you're home. I don't know what your budget is, but also consider your window treatments. They should also be fairly light in color. The Country Curtains catalog has a very large selection of inexpensive window treatments. Other than plain light curtains, etc., you could consider light-toned florals and/or ticking stripes, which look very sharp, but also light in tone and attitude at the same time! Now - doesn't that sound better than uncertain neighbors with noisy kids and barking dogs?

I'm a woman. I also understand statistics. >I understand your stats that we are more likely to get into a car accident than have a child abducted from their bed but do you think that Polly Klaas's parents would take comfort in those stats. So if it was your child you would just say wow, they had more of a chance being killed in a car accident than being abducted from home. That's insane thinking. If my kids died because they got a phenomenally rare form of cancer, I'd be devastated, but I wouldn't spend time obsessing about the possibilities of really rare cancers and wouldn't make sure I lived close to a great cancer center, just in case. Nor would I go around hysterically advising parents of the same if it DID happen. >The biggest risk from an unlocked window is burglary and a possible encounter with the burglar(s). That risk will vary greatly by location and time of day. The VAST majority of robberies are during the day--for a reason! If someone who knows you wants to kill you, having a bedroom on the second floor isn't going to help. And the vast majority of murders are of this type. If a stranger is interested in a crime of opportunity, there are many other things to think about before decided that having no first-floor bedrooms window is the solution. A stranger can enter just as easily through any other window and then CLIMB THE STAIRS. Windows can be broken, believe it or not, too. Want to block off all windows with bars? Then you're far more likely to die--from a fire! If you live in a bad neighborhood or a neighborhood with high "crime exposure," then you should have burglar alarms, lights, thorny plants, a dog, etc., before worrying about what floor your bedroom is on. Best advice for not getting murdered? Stay away from unstable people. Seriously. Be careful who you marry! And stay away from drugs, gangs, etc., and those who are involved in them. Don't work in a convenience store or gas station. or be a food delivery person. Don't live in the most crime-ridden neighborhoods, and don't walk through them, either. There. You've just taken out more than 98% of the risk of being killed.

Hi again, all, I just visited my old (step-)uncle, the 88 year old beef farmer with no kids whom I stayed with for a time in late winter a year ago, as he went to the barn to feed cattle despite having a very painful back, hip and left leg (he's had three hip replacements). Don't ask me what he plans to do with the money the current animals earn for him - he doesn't know himself, I suspect. Several friends have been telling him for some time that he needed one of those warning devices that one can trigger when one needs help. When I visited him the other day, he had just got one of them. You have a box attached to your phone and carry a warner button with you (wrist band or necklace). When you are in trouble and need help, push the button that you carry and a signal goes to the office, then they phone a number of friends who are willing to come to your aid. Costs about $25.00 initially and $25 - 30 per month operating fee. By the way - one should give all of the people on the list a house key, or expect to suffer a broken door or window if a signal gets sent. Good wishes to you all for a healthy, safe retirement, enjoying friends, family and some interesting things to do. joyful guy P.S. It's bedtime - son wants to attend a festival as a clown, blowing up balloons for kids, tomorrow. It's some distance away, so he wants to leave at 5:30 a.m. I'm happy and very thankful to be enjoying good health at 74. jg

Iam not going to comment on the description of how a marriage ends in this post. its been my experience that marriages end for all kinds of reasons, in all kinds of ways, and that the blame for it never really rests on one of the parties alone. That being said, I sometimes find myself cringing when reading some of the posts here by second wives. Almost every second wife who is running into stepfamily problems, who posts in this forum, whines about how the ex wife was/is a horrible mother, and treats the former husband so horribly, blah blah blah. They constantly denigrate the step kids, while claiming their own kids are perfect angels. More often than not, they blame the ex wife for the kids problems in the stepfamily. Most divorced people and their new spouses will look negatively at a previous spouse. Thats human nature. But realistically ladies, you CHOSE to marry your husbands, and they in turn CHOSE to marry their ex wives and have babies with them. If these women are so horrible, then what does that say about your husband's taste? Fact is, most bio mother and bio fathers are just fine. They dont do things the same way you would, and there is some residual bad feeling, but they arent the problem. when you marry a man with children , you need to put your own natural inclination to try to take over his and his kids lives on hold, and just STAY OUT OF IT. If he cant, or wont deal with the ex, its not your problem OR your place. LEt them work out the details themselves, and stop the critisizing. For the most part, ex's and their new spouses, on both sides of a stepfamily, have a warped perception of t he other side. Again, thats probably human nature, but it will make it much more stressful to do the right thing for the children. Lest you think that I am some bitter ex wife whining, ( which I notice has been the assumption on others who call out the nasty attitudes on here) I will say that I am a bio mom of four, and a step mom of two. My ex husband has never remarried, and thus my children do not have a stepmother of their own. Do I get along with my ex? No. But I dont bad mouth him, and I deal civilly with him, so that the kids arent affected by it. After all, what does it say to a kid if you tell him what a donkey his other parent is? Sometimes, ladies, the high road is to allow yourselves to be wronged by the other party. As for my step children, I stay out of it. I love my stepkids, try to do things that help them in their lives, worry about things they do that can negatively affect them.One of my stepkids is having major problems with attitude and school. I dont think some of the things that their bio mom does are correct or helpful, but guess what? they arent my children, and its not my place to tell her how to parent. There is residual anger between my husband and his ex, and I guess my natuarl inclination would be to side with my husband. I do, privately. But I refuse to be drawn into their issues, because they are THEIR issues. Anyway, ladies, I think a lot of you need to just lighten up and stop trying to control things to your liking. Those things arent your place to control anyway. Take the high road a little more often and dont knock the bio mom. She is almost always doing the best she can, although you dont see it. And your husbands are almost always doing the best that they can, although the bio mom doesnt always see it. Thus is the nature of divorce , and stepparenting.