ne 8grandma, Thanks for the link, interesting, but I know in 1994 or 5 someone backed into our 55 chevy and DH located genuine parts, door and finder, and after speaking to the State Farm adjuster we purchased them from different places and State Farm reimbursed us no problem. Probably because after market parts were not available DH works for the biggest GM dealer in town and they have the State Farm contract for body work and he says it's never been an issue. They have always used genuine parts for the 20 plus years he has worked there. Maybe it was more an issue with foreign cars. The whole state of affairs with any kind of insurance is in a mess. Our health premiums doubled when Kaiser contracted with the state to cover medical patients. I guess someone had to pick up the tab. Our home owners got revamped, and not in our favor, after the Oakland fires in the 90s. And even after that people still did not understand why they didn't have enough coverage when they have been paying for the same policy for years. Our agent is also a personal friend and I ask her who has the responsibility. The insurance company to tell you that building cost have triples, especially after Katrina, or is it the policy holders responsibility to keep track of anything that would effect the replacement cost. She couldn't answer it. She said if the company kept up with costs policy's would be in a constant state of change. I answered back that as a policy holder I expected she would have my best interest in mind and inform me when I should upgrade. She came back with the stock answer. Read your policy and see if its what you need. I said send me a list of everything I could be covered for that I don't currently have. Boy was I surprised. I thought we had the best coverage going. When I added several things I ask why didn't I know about any of these and she said I should have ask! How can you ask for something if you don't know about it? If we had a total loss and had to rebuild why wouldn't I have foundation removal when it only cost penny's compared to what it would cost if I had to pay out of pocket. But I had to ask. It is not part of the standard home owners policy. And who can read policy's? The IRS forms are easier to figure out than an insurance policy. I used to be involved with employee benefits and I usually understand insurance but I have read quite a lot of information on LTC and it makes no since. All it seems to want to tell you is what is not covered. I would like to have this coverage. I figure we could afford it but it just seems that if you don't jump through the right hoops at the right place and time you wouldn't be covered. I hope someone here can figure out if there is a LTC policy that is worth paying for. Who would have thought that insurance would be such a big issue when planning for retirement. Insurance is our biggest monthly expense now and I don't see it getting any lower. I jokingly told my dad that he pays less for medicare and his AARP supplement than we do for our medical coverage but he faxed me a news article on how they are now going to be charging more for medicare depending on your income. His will be going up quite a bit and boy is he not happy. I just keep reminding him how lucky he is that he is in a position to pay it. Who is kidding who! I am lucky he is in a position to pay it.

My children are older now, not babies or children, but I had the same ideas as you when they were little - limited tv, limits on sugary snacks and sweet drinks, breast feeding, etc. And, like you, my mom laughed or ignored some of them. Fast forward 20 years later, my mom appreciates the way I raised my children and she understands now why I made the choices I did. I am very, very glad I had the rules I did when my kids were young - I was right and I'm glad I held my ground. None of your choices sound extreme to me - limiting sugary snacks, limiting t.v., wanting a schedule and more time just the 3 of you, no trip to the beach at 4 months old - those are all reasonable choices. Cheri is right, your parenting ideas will change as your daughter grows. And she is right, your parents have things to contribute as grandparents. But that doesn't mean that you have to raise your children according to your parents' priorities and wishes. However, keep in mind a few things - whenever you talk about the way you want to raise your kids differently - many grandparents would see that as a criticism of how they raised you, their own child. Before you phrase things, think about how they might come across to your parents as implying that their methods were lacking. Also, be sure and make it a point to mention to your parents what they did right. My mom and I have different ideas about television, putting coke in baby bottles, etc., but my mom is also the person who taught me that when things look hopeless you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and work as hard as you can to change things. That is a gift she gave me infinitely more precious than riches or even education. Be sure and tell your parents what things they taught you that you will pass on to your children. Another suggestion that worked for us is that I told my mom that my husband wanted those rules. My mom simply ignored my rules if they were my rules, but she thinks my husband hung the moon and should have whatever he wants, so she (sometimes) listened if she thought it was my husband's wish. She did whatever she dang well pleased if it was just something I wanted. If my mom was particularly stubborn, my husband told her himself that he wanted it that way. Another thing that works well (with grandparents and babies) is to redirect. If your mom wants to take the baby somewhere, tell her no, now is not a good time, but this weekend would be great, how about then. Or if she wants to give the baby icing, tell her no, but baby loves sweet potatoes, why don't you give her that. Grandparents love to see "firsts" - first bite of chocolate, first time at the beach. Tell your parents, no, you can't take her to the beach this year, but when she's 2 you can take her and be there for her first time. You are being more than reasonable to limit tv, unhealthy snacks, limit visits to less frequently than daily or every other day, and set the expectation of higher education for your children early. Your mother is right, your daughter will express preferences of her own one day in education, food, hobbies, etc. That is still no reason not to set your standards high. If you are raising your daughter significantly different than the way you were raised, it will take years for your parents to change their minds. But when they see your daughter as a teenager, healthy and maintaining a healthy weight, doing well in school, winning awards and doing whatever extracurriculars (sports, violin, girl scouts, dance, whatever rings her bell), trust me, your parents will tell you you did your job well. I want to address something else cheri mentioned - her daughter's desire to use organic food, use cloth diapers, read to her children daily (I heartily endorse the part about reading to your children daily, by the way). The drive to be the best mom she could possibly be was strong in cheri's daughter, and even if her daughter changed her ways, she still probably has a strong drive to do her best. That drive should be honored, respected, and as much as reasonable should be indulged by grandparents. The realities of life will knock some practicality into the heads of young parents - let them have their dreams and give it their best shot. When my oldest was a baby my mother-in-law told me this, "In every young mother's life there comes a time when she has to look at her mother and say, 'Mother, you raised your kids the way you wanted, now it's my turn to raise my kids the way I want'." Be loving, be kind, include and affirm the grandparents, and let the grandparents have their way when it isn't important to you. But stand your ground with kindness on the things that matter. Everything you're asking for is reasonable and healthy for your child.

Many children today are not being 'parented' by anyone. Mom and (maybe) Dad only see their kids for a few minutes a day, when they are rushing off to work and when they return tired from work. Yes, there have always been some families where parents worked long hours, but in the not-so-distant past Grandma or Auntie was at home doing some care-giving, raising the kids. In the area where my DIL teaches a tiny minority of the children are living with a close relation. Many go 'home' to an array of ever-changing adults or foster homes. Some who 'go home to Mom' go home to Mom, her current live-in and drug and alcohol 'parties' all night. In the area where we raised our DS rows of Mercedes and Jags were at the daycare as early as six a.m. to drop off children before Mom and Dad commuted into the city to their law or investment offices. Parents bragged that at *their* daycare the ratio of children to caregivers was 'only six to one'. If parents' jobs required a lot of travel, there was often a non-English-speaking housekeeper. In the park I would meet three-year-olds fluent in Spanish or Polish, their English halting. 'Hired help' is no substitute for parenting. It's not the same *care* or child *raising*. Many children today grow up from infancy in group 'care'-giving settings. Then they go to 'pre'-school starting at three or even younger. Grammar school teachers who started teaching 'parented' children had to adjust to a very different kind of child, one who had learned to act out to be noticed or who was unable to think independently of the group or teacher. As for discipline, I cannot see how striking a child teaches anything except that big people can hit smaller ones. Shunning, the withdrawl of approval by a loved one, motivates most kids to behave appropriately. Of course, first they have to LOVE and feel loved!

This thread reminds me of Aristophanes' Plutus. Kierkegaard quoted from this play when he wrote "Either/Or"; Vol. I: THE ROTATION METHOD: "You get too much at last of everything, of love, of bread, of music, and of sweetmeats. Of honor, cakes, of courage, and of figs. Ambition, barley-cakes, high office, lentils." (alternately spoken by Chremylos and Karion; Karion made the food references) Kierkegaard went on to talk about how people always want change and tire of what they already have. I think this is part of the reason that people always want something new and are not interested in keeping possessions from their parents. I was more interested in what my grandparents had collected, but today I do not think millennials are as interested in what their grandparents have. If you want to read more of Kierkegaard, I recommend the anthology edited by Robert Bretall, as it has the best translations. I have no heirs, other than my younger brother, and he also has no children, and so we are not sure what will happen to our possessions after we are gone, but I am not particularly concerned. However, we do have a large collection of art and paintings - mostly done by my brother - and so I think nieces and nephews might be interested. We also have some mid-century furniture that we have collected that someone could easily sell at an estate sale if they did not want it. In fact, we bought our dining set at an estate sale down the street.