You may try sending her a handwritten letter (short note) to let her know that she is in her thoughts and that you are available for her whenever she is ready. I know that after my daughter passed, I was crazy with all of the support people tried to provide. It was a little overwhelming, then and even now, and it's been 13 years. Maybe after things settle, or when she has one of those low moments, she might give her some peace to see you note letting her know that you are there for her. That may be enough to get her back to center, so to speak. You may want to drop by and sit with her for a few moments, just so she will have someone to vent to. It's tough, as we all know. It's just as difficult to be in your shoes, but sometimes it only takes something simple to be a true friend.

It's so sad to see them pass on. I loved the show "Golden Girls" when it was on and howled with laughter at the things they all used to say and do, especially Blanche. Dennis Hopper's memorial service was just the other day up north of here in Taos. Jack Nicholson, Peter Fonda and Val Kilmer were there. Gosh, this makes me want to watch "Easy Rider" and "Golden Girls" again. Two more great actors gone. Lynn

Very sorry for your loss. Please take the time now to take care of yourself. You have a wonderful family support system in place, let them help you. It is often incredibly gracious to accept help from others, it helps them cope as well as helping you. You've been a caretaker so long, it's going to be difficult to adjust to putting your own wellbeing first. Pamper yourself and let your family pamper you.

I'm sorry for your loss, I hope things work out for you. Don't try to be a hero. An oldster in our family, finding herself a widow (not unexpectedly because her husband was a dozen years older), was resolved to stay in her own home where she'd lived for over 50 years. One neighbor did this for her, another neighbor did that. Then a few different people went shopping for her when she stopped driving. She needed to hire a cleaning service when she couldn't do that any more and had trouble finding one that was satisfactory. A home care attendant service was found so that someone could come every other day to cook and help her shower but the turnover was sometimes monthly, a new person to meet and explain how she wanted things. It got to the point that her well being was declining and she'd really worn out her welcome with taking advantage of the good nature of others. Very reluctantly, she agreed to move to an elder living facility. Forgetting how well she's been taken care of during the crisis of the last 5 months (that would have been impossible had she still been in her house), she's never had better care. Up until March, fun social interaction with more new friends than anytime in the last 20 years, better food, better medical care (the docs visit the facility), and more happiness. Something she should have done 10 years sooner and she says so. So best wishes in dealing with what I know will be very hard changes. Please, don't try to be a hero. Don't wait until it's too late to get services or make living arrangements that will make your safer and more comfortable.