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How do you handle 'self inviting people'?

20 years ago

Whenever I have to hit the road for research/articles, I have people who insist that they go along with me. Even after I explain that this is not a vacation trip but a "working" trip,they can get downright nasty, even after I try, tactfully, to explain that I just don't have the time,finances or energy to take them along. Researching needs time, thought, pros/cons of subject. It can be time consuming. I get paid for accuracy in my reports. On many excursions I have needed to spend a night in motels, hostels that are less than 4 Star. I have also been invited to taste foods that are less than gourmet. I also encounter cultural differences that call for observation, not criticism. I hate having to get nasty myself, but some of these people simply won't take explanations or even a definite "no" for answer. I love my job & have built a good reputation for honesty on my expense accounts & accuracy of my reports. Perhaps just keeping my enthusiasm to myself would be better. Any other ideas!

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Comments (5)

joyfulguy
20 years ago
Hi calpat,

When was the last time that the self-inviter took a friend along for a week? ten days? to his/her place of work?

A friend that did nothing to help get the job done at that workplace, that is.

Can the person see that aspect of the situation?

Good wishes for developing even further your impressive powers of negative persuasion,

joyful guy/Ed
mary_md7
20 years ago
Yikes, who are these people? And how dare they get nasty when you don't want to take them along on a business trip? And you don't have the finances--are they expecting you to pay??? Sheesh! My recommendation would just be firm: This is a business trip and I'm not taking anyone else along. If they get nasty, the riposte about how often they take someone to work is good. Also, you might ask why they think you owe it to them to pay to take them on your business trip. Finally, if they aren't family or longtime friends, I'd stop talking to them.
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@deanna in ME Barely zone 6a, more like 5b- love the sailboat! LOL. And thanks for the book tip, I will definitely check that out. Great reminders about the owner too. See my note to Marie below for more. @diggerdee zone 6 CT, so funny you mention the nephew as helper! He was an top-notch mulch helper this spring, but he does have limits-- after 1 day he decided that was enough. :-) I take what help I can get, but we focus a bit more on other things when he's here. I'll be sure to come here more often and glad to share pics! @Marie Tulin, the former owner seems quite conscious of not wanting to intrude. She has been here maybe 3-4 times since we moved in last July, and at least one of those times was upon my request. The most recent visit was a request to dig some yellow corydalis (which I have loads of) for her new place-- and I had warmly encouraged her to reach out for just that kind of request when we bought it, so it was fine. She's also encouraged me to make the landscape my own-- encouraging me to not be afraid to edit, cut, or replace. So that's good. Much to learn! I went out and did some deadheading on bee balm and spiderwort today. Just a small section, and just for a small break from the computer & work. It was nice-- definitely something I can do more of!
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joyfulguy
20 years ago
Hi again calpat,

How about fixing a van up like a motor home and say that they can come along and be your housekeeper?

Paying half of the out-of-pocket expenses - plus some for depreciation on the van?

And the daily schedule is totally under your control.

Just thought I'd ask.

ole joyful
Jonesy
20 years ago
I value my trips alone and I would not take anyone, especially if they are that forward after you have explained the situation. Being alone restores me so I can go home and face the problems most people have in their lives. I was faced with a similar situation when our granchildren were babies. Their mothers didn't want to leave them with strangers and I was the only one not working. I got a job and I wouldn't do that again. I would just tell them I do not want to baby sit. I took the coward's way out! :o(
mariend
19 years ago
You might tell them, the insurance does not cover anyone traveling with you. I too need my space at times.
Just tell these people NO, that you do not travel well with others and if they do not respect your life, they are not really your friend.

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