We're a family of six and in eighteen years in three custom homes we used the formal dining and living rooms exactly once. Other than as alternative hiding places far from the madding crowd for mois. They'd call me by cell, "Where are you?"

I guess the biggest question is: What are you hoping to accomplish? Get some use out of unused spaces? Or have a larger kitchen?

If you entertain a lot, formally and informally, why not simply furnish the living and dining rooms so you can use them while entertaining?

Rather than totally reconforming the space, wouldn't it be easier to simply cut a larger opening between the kitchen and the dining room so the spaces flow better? Then you can use the room as either a sitting area or dining area. You could also open up the kitchen to the den. This would give you and subsequent owners more flexibility than getting rid of the dining room.

Where have you been seating these twelve-person dinners before now?

worthy: We're just like you. Glad to know we're not the only ones.

Chibimimi: (1) Our main objective is a larger kitchen. (2) We don't entertain a lot, although we hope to more after the remodel. Part of why we want a bigger kitchen is that when we do entertain, the women tend to congregate in the kitchen and we want space there for them to sit and chat and prepare more food than we ever need :). BTW, we never entertain "formally", hence the desire for a larger kitchen that will double as congregating space. Also, one of us (you guess) really wants more cabinetry, a peninsula, an island, and a large pantry in the kitchen, and the current space is neither large enough for all that nor easily re-configurable (due to fixed windows and a doorway to the den that can't be easily moved). (3) One of us (guess again - same answer) wants more and larger dining furniture than could ever fit in the present dining room space, hence the desire to use the larger LR space as a dining room. (4) Opening up the kitchen to the den could conceivably be done, but we really want to isolate the kitchen from, rather than integrate it with, the den. We know more open spaces seem to be the thing these days, but we want to isolate kitchen noises from the den, where folks gather to watch TV (usually ball games) and we don't want all the competing sounds of talk, laughter, and the TV. (5) We've had just a few twelve-person dinners over the years, and then we borrowed large tables with fold-down legs, placed them in the empty LR, and used a various mixture of chairs - far from ideal and a PITA to borrow, haul, set up and break down, and haul again. That's one reason we're considering converting the LR to a DR with a full ensemble of DR furniture.

Basically, once a larger kitchen was a done deal, our choice was to eliminate either a DR or LR, and we decided (jointly, this time) we would use a formal DR - even if rarely - more than a formal LR.

Thanks for both your answers!

Dying with good reason but will never be dead. It can be argued as wasteful to have a room dedicated to .001% of a families time.

I agree. We are remodeling our cape and eliminating formal areas. We just do not use them.
If you haven't already I would read The Not So Big House by Susanka. It really helps you envision a home that is designed for the way we really live.

Sarah Susanka does sometimes keep the formal living room, but she usually makes it an 'away' room or library. It's usually a quiet area, separate from the open space concept, in the rest of the home.

I've been thinking about this question, over the last few days. As well as whether the formal dining room is really dead. I'm not so sure....

Yes, the great room concept, open kitchen, etc. has been very popular, but one thing the 'formal' rooms have done over the years, is bring focus to the family. They're spaces where family/friends converse before or after dinner and eat together, without the distractions of every day life.

I've been planning to not have separate spaces, but now, I'm starting to rethink that idea. Maybe a formal living room/library/parlor (whatever you want to call it) is something we should be including. A place where the TV does not rule, people come together to talk...not text or tweet. Kids have to actually converse in the dining room, no Ipads/Ipods/Iwhatisitnow allowed! Having a family dinner, if only one or two nights a week, may need a more formal setting, to help families establish a few ground rules.

Maybe not necessary for everyone...but formal spaces may be making a comeback, rather than dying out. They can serve other uses, such as a library or dining room can be great for crafts/homework, etc. but to not have them at all, may be a little short sighted.

I know, I'm surprised by my answer, too. Maybe I've been watching too many Big Valley reruns lately...but there's something really nice about a family sitting down and eating together or sitting together talking before dinner, and choosing to make family time together, a priority :)

Big Valley, not Leave it to Beaver. If you're going to go with that era, at least find me a Father Knows Best picture :)

It's up to a family how they use the spaces, not what the spaces are labeled.

I'm no 'entertainer', but our traditional style house demands a formal DR. Ours is beyond a 12'-wide archway off the LR, so the space is 'used', if only by our eyes. It's rarely used for dining, while our 'Breakfast Room' is! Go figure.

Our LR isn't some off-limits 'parlor'. We use it -- live in it, read in it, listen to music, relax, talk, look out at the terrace and yard from it. The fireplace is there. Our TV is built into bookcases in what our house plans call 'The Library'.

We are contrary, aren't we? We even park our cars IN the 'Garage'. (What is it with newer houses dwarfed by HUGE garages, and all the cars are on the driveway?)