I'm thinking you should post the question over at the kitchens forum, if you haven't already. I'm sure you'll get lots of opinions and pics!

If you don't need to hide anything you'd rather not be looking at from your family room, I'd go with counter height. It will make the counter seem much more spacious than what you would get with a smaller, bar-height "shelf".

Have you done an image search for kitchen pass-thru?

here ya go....TONS on google
counter height:
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another counter height
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bar height
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Oops! Thanks, shanghaimom! Meant to post to kitchen forum, but thanks so much for your input and the pics. I had not tried google image search. There ARE a TON of photos, and I think they've sealed the deal for us! We're going with the counter height bar.