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Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell...

Posted by dave_donhoff (dwdonhoff@hotmail.com) on
Wed, Nov 19, 08 at 21:57

This is *WAYY* off topic, and probably inappropriate here.... so, if you do not know me, please just click "NEXT"...

The GardenWeb and Fool communities are an 'extended family' for many of us regulars... so please forgive this sappy non-financial post.

I communicate with many fellow posters more frequently than almost anyone else in my life, aside from my direct family, and while I will eventually get around to sending out a communication directly... this is one way for me to tell the people I love and appreciate what's going on.

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My 9-week old baby daughter, Dagny, died in her sleep Monday morning... and my wife and I have been in a complete fog (and still not entirely out of it... perhaps never completely out of it....) I fed & changed my daughter at 6am... and my wife fed her again at 8am just before I left for the office. I kissed her forehead as she was just lying down for her nap on my way out the door. She smelled like sweet, sweet breastmilk... she slept on her back in a baby 'flat-recliner-rocker' she always loved...

My wife laid down for a little nap (the rules are "when baby sleeps, mommy sleeps" so we are all told... and beyond any other logic it HAS to be true, else mom never ever sleeps...) When my wife checked on Dagny not even 90 minutes later, she was turning blue and not breathing (shoot... we could normally go 2 or 3 hours without waking up to check on her in the middle of the night normally.) My wife called me in hysteria, then called 911... my office is 1.5 blocks from my home and I sprinted beyond human capacity... When I ran in the room I lifted my daughter from her rocker to the carpeted floor and I began infant CPR & mouth-to-mouth. The paramedics seemed to arrive in seconds... and while they took over I kept holding my daughter's tiny hand in my right and keeping my left hand under her tiny neck, talking to her, calling her back, squeezing her little hand, tapping her feet, calling her to wake up for daddy... at one point there were at least 5-6 paramedics in a huddle around us with all their hands doing one thing & another to monitor & revive my daughter... and probably another 4-5 people somewhere in the room (my tunnel focus was on my baby and, at the periphery, my wife... I still don't know how many people rushed in & out while the paramedics were working with me...) everything was moving in slow motion freeze-frame, AND in a hyper-blur all at the same time. Several times it seemed her own little heart was taking up the beat when they stopped CPR to check... only to stop again. Her lungs restarted exchanging carbon dioxide out at another point... but she couldn't keep breathing on her own. Ultimately the paramedics and I worked with my daughter for over 2 hours before all signs showed that she had left her body for good.

ALL the wealth in the world can't buy or protect our mortality... My beautiful daughter never woke up. Before the officials finally took the body away that once held my sweet baby daughter, I sang to her with her favorite special lullaby; Little Dagny Girl, (my modified version of The Beach Boys 'Little Surfer Girl,) and my wife tearfully kissed our daughter's forehead goodbye for the very last time.

The coroner examined her yesterday morning, and confirmed it was 'SIDS' (Sudden unexplained Infant Death Syndrome...) our absolutely perfectly healthy child, growing at a healthy rate way ahead of average... zero evidence of any causes... no asphyxiation... no overheating... she simply settled into a deeper sleep and the part of her tiny nervous system that naturally "alarms" us all to breathe, when we all naturally relax into a deep REM sleep (and we ALL tend to stop breathing periodically (called sleep apnea) while sleeping, ALL of us...) it didn't fire up to force her to re-start & keep breathing. At least, that's the thinnest vestige of possible explanation the doctors can offer at this point in time....

I still can't stop sharing her...
Dagny asleep on Dave's chest

Dave & Dagny together

"Dagny Han Donhoff"
PASSWORD (to get in) is;
DagnyGirl

Added a couple new small vids (she's showing off for the grandfolks!)
Dagny's Videos


We are now fully indoctrinated members to the "Northwest Infant Survival Alliance - SIDS Foundation of Washington"
SIDS is an extremely rare statistical occurence in the U.S.... so I "took one for the team."

I WISH that meant that now we can all rest assured that statistically all the rest of our kids are extremely unlikely to be victims.... (I am so blubbering like a damn baby...)

I hope I am now, and can remain, the ONLY GardenWebber known to become a bonified member of this special group of parents... but if I am not, I will ALWAYS be an immediately responsive resource to ANYONE in need. As have otherwise 'complete strangers' been there for us, I will drop EVERYTHING to call and/or visit with support ON THE VERY DAY you discover such tragedy.

I will definitely be back in the saddle sometime soon...

Meanwhile, if you aren't hearing from me, I know you'll understand why.

I *FREQUENTLY* think of a friend's comment the day I emailed him from the hospital the day Dagny was born.
He told me "you are a very lucky man!" and he was so, so, so right.

I was just given the most wonderful 9 weeks of my entire life.

My baby is in heaven... my wife & I are in absolute hell... And for the gift of those 9 glorious weeks with Dagny... I wouldn't trade them away for all the monetary wealth in the world.

To ALL who have been in contact with me in loving support... and all who WOULD have, had you known... thank you, my beloved friends and fellow community members!

Dave


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

My heart goes out to you and your wife!!! May God Bless Dagny...


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

I am so very sorry this happens to any family, but am especially sorry it happened to yours. There are no words powerful enough to comfort you right now, I wish there were. Thank you for sharing this us. It is very appropriate and we would want to know.


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

I'm so sorry Dave. I can't imagine your pain. Your little Dagny looks like such a sweetheart. Please extend my condolences to your wife.

De


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

My deepest sympathies on the loss of your precious baby girl. There are just no words. I will keep you & your wife & family in Special Thoughts & Prayers to find some peace & comfort in these difficult days ahead. I am so, so sorry.


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

There is nothing I could say to take away your pain, but you and your wife are in my thoughts.


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

I'm so sad for the loss of your little angel, my prayers are with you.


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

I am so sorry to hear about your loss of your beautiful baby girl, Dagny.


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

Dave,

Your post brought me to tears. I am SO sorry for your loss. Dagny was a beautiful little girl. I honestly don't know what to say at times like this, but please know you have my deepest sympathy.


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

Dave,

I am so sorry. I can't imagine the depths of your sorrow. She was sure a little sweetheart.

Susan


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

Dave,

My heart goes out to you , your wife and your family on the senseless loss of your sweet, beautiful Dagny.

Deepest sympathies.


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

I'm sorry to hear about your beautiful little girl. My thoughts are with you and your wife.


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

Dave ~

It has been a few years since you and I emailed in this forum and privately. You have helped so many others there is no reason you should remember me ........

I am beyond chocked up. I have tears in my eyes. I have worked as a doula and midwife and been a homecare support for those that have lost their sweet baby. There is never any way to become used to this as all children are so precious.

I am so sorry. I've never lost a child but have sat and held those that have. The grief is raw and emotions are all over the place. Please know that you and your wife (and extended family) are in my prayers and I hope that, someday, you will be able to grow past this horrible time and think about Dagny and smile with happy and complete love.

Yes, you were blessed and will be again because of those folks that you know in person and that you know because of the internet.

We care about you.

Robyn


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

That's so sad. I whish you and your wife the best.


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your wife, Dave.


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

Dave, I am filled with sorrow for the loss of your precious Dagny. Thank you for sharing both the beautiful pictures & your grief. Words seem so trite at times of such insurmountable grief. Please know that your family will be in my prayers.

In 1976, when my first born was two years old, I was babysitting Danny a five-month old preemie for a 3-day weekend. I fed, changed, & cuddled Danny at 10:15 p.m. After settling him back into his portable crib & waiting to make sure he seemed comfortable & sleeping easy I slipped out of the bedroom & watched a few minutes of TV before laying down for a nap knowing Danny would wake again in a couple hours. Before laying down, I peeked into Danny's room walking over to the crib just to check on him. All seemed fine. I woke with a start at 1:00 a.m. sharp & my stomach churned as I looked at the clock. I felt in my entire body that something horrific had happened...and it had. The coroner said that Danny had passed within 15 minutes of his last feeding. When I last checked on him he was, probably, already in Heaven. Not wanting to wake him I had not touched him...just stood a few minutes watching him & all seemed fine. It was SIDS. The police & the coroner said they would call Danny's parents. I said, "No, I must make this phone call myself." I've never done anything harder in my entire life. Every time I feel burdened by one of life's trials...I stop & say to myself, "Tricia, is this as hard as phoning Danny's parents?" The answer, of course, is always, "No, it is not as hard." So, while I cannot feel your grief I can personally relate to the horror you are experiencing.

A County nurse visited me for a full year after Danny's death helping me work through my feelings of responsibility & grief...if only somehow I'd done something different, maybe, Danny would still be alive. Also, the coroner phoned periodically for months. The grieving of another helped me to come to terms with Danny's loss. The coroner & his wife had recently lost their own son to SIDS. He explained over & over that even if I'd been holding Danny nothing could have prevented his death...I was not responsible. For the next 2-3 years, Danny's parents through their terrible grief comforted me with assurances that it was not my fault. I've never babysat again & never will. When my grandkids were infants I would not babysit them unless DH was in the house at all times with me. It has been over 30 years & my memories of holding Danny as I waited for the response to my 911 call are forever burned into my brain. Dave, eventually the pain subsides & life regains some semblance of normalacy but the memories remain.

Your beautiful little girl is well taken care of & loved in Heaven &, someday, you'll again be together. I'm glad you & your wife have joined a support group. Truthfully, I don't know how I would have made it through without the support of that County nurse (there were no support groups in my area in 1976). Take advantage of your collective strength as you grieve.

May our Lord grant you & your wife strength, comfort, & wisdom.

/tricia


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

I was so sad to read of your baby daughter's passing Dave. I'll be saying peaceful prayers for you and your wife. NancyLouise


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

Oh my God Dave, I am so sorry. I can't say any more than that, at a loss. I am so sorry. She was beautiful.


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

Oh Dave, what a nightmare. I am so sorry. I am deeply touched that you shared your pain with us. Please know that we are all sending thoughts of strength your way.

Dee


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

Dave, My heart is broken for you. No words can even begin to heal your pain. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. What a beautiful baby and a touching video. How heartwarming is it that you have a video of your little angel reaching to hold on to your hand. It is something that you will cherish forever.


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

Dave, Tears are streaming down my face as I'm reading this. I am so sorry. She was a beautiful little girl. My thoughts and prayers are with your family. I wish nobody ever had to go through this.

I will have to look at the video later as I need to go to a meeting and try to compose myself before hand.


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

Dave, I am so sorry for your loss. Dagny may not be with you anymore, but you and your wife will always be her loving Daddy and Mommy.


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

Dave,

Your pain must be unimaginable. She was so perfect. My favorite picture is the one of her yawning. What a little, perfect rosebud.
I don't know how you will go on, but I know you will. Hugs to your family.
Jo


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

There's nothing to do but try to share the burden. Along with all posting here, I am deeply sorry for your loss of your precious girl. What other loss compares to the loss of a baby? It is incomprehensible. We mourn with you. Thank you for thinking so highly of our GardenWeb community to allow us to do so.

Sue


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

I am so sorry to read about this. My heart is sad for you. I hope you and your family can find peace again.


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

I'm so sorry.


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

Dave, my prayers are for you and your wife. My husband is a Chicago Fire Paramedic. These are the calls that are never forgotten!!! After two of these calls my husband started checking on our infant even if that ment waking her up after trying so hard to get her to sleep. The helplessness that he felt was so great and he was not the parent of the children that had passed. I hope you both can get some peace. Amy


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

Oh, Dave ... words are completely inadequate to express how very sorry I am (we all are) for the loss of your beautiful little princess, Dagny. My heart breaks for you and your wife and for all of your family and friends who shared your love of this precious little girl. Please know that you are in the thoughts and prayers of many. May your hearts somehow hold on to peace and comfort; indeed, may you be filled where you are empty, now and always.


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

"I *FREQUENTLY* think of a friend's comment the day I emailed him from the hospital the day Dagny was born.
He told me "you are a very lucky man!" and he was so, so, so right."

Dagny was a beautiful child. I am very sorry your loss. She was lucky to be so completely loved and cherished during her short time here on earth.


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

Oh Dave, it is so sad.
Hugs, Kathy G in MI


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

Dave, normally when I wake up, I go to my emails but for some reason came here & saw your post. I've spent the last hour or so looking at pictures of your beautiful family, seeing the love and joy, getting lost in it all, remembering when my little girl was born.

I watched your videos as well, I wanted to get to know the three of you before I responded. Before I know it, 2 hours had gone by. I saw the love in all of your eyes, how proud you, Joanne & her mom were with sweet little Dagny. She looked like a little doll.

Through my teary eyes, I laughed at the photo of you holding her like a football; then the photos of mommy & daddy holding her, she is looking at you, knowing you are her parents. You can see the love in the pictures. The most amazing thing, is how much she changed with each photo you took of her.

Words can not express the heart break I feel for you, your wife and all that loved your little girl. I wanted to comment on a few of the pictures at Photo bucket but don't have an account. You will cherish those photos & video, the memory taking them and the time you had with her.

My wife laid down for a little nap (the rules are "when baby sleeps, mommy sleeps" so we are all told... and beyond any other logic it HAS to be true, else mom never ever sleeps...)

From the photos it looked like she was born via C section, I don't doubt that your wife isn't fully healed from that. I've had abdominal surgery the 1st time they operated on my back (went in through the front), it was painful for close to a year. Please make sure Joanne takes care of herself.

As new parents, we are exhausted, that much I remember (it's been 15 years). I still remember the lack of sleep from being pregnant and not being able to sleep, then the baby comes, even though you sleep when the baby sleeps, it takes time for that exhaustion to go away. I remember how long it took before I got a good nights sleep.

I was just given the most wonderful 9 weeks of my entire life.

My baby is in heaven... my wife & I are in absolute hell... And for the gift of those 9 glorious weeks with Dagny... I wouldn't trade them away for all the monetary wealth in the world.

I've never lost a child, I can't imagine what you (and those you love) are going through. I do know the pain of losing someone and how hard it is. You have to remember that you are all in pain right now, and that while you might want to push someone away, you need to pull them closer. Your wedding vows to each other were beautiful, hopefully you can both draw strength from them.

Dave & Joanne, I'm sorry I didn't know about your bundle of joy & didn't get to offer my congrats, and that instead I have to say how very sorry I am. My heart breaks for you...

Sue

I started this at 6:30 this morning, time flew. Before I knew it, I had to get ready for an appointment, and now at almost 2:30pm I am finally posting. I've yet to move away from your post, the photos & video, plus reading my post, editing, then adding or taking away. You know I'm not one to post anything short, and finding what I want to say has not been easy.

This is *WAYY* off topic, and probably inappropriate here.... so, if you do not know me, please just click "NEXT"...


btw, you shouldn't have to feel like you can't post something like this here. I've asked for an off-topic conversations side and wish they would add one here. Anyone wanting to add to my conversations side post, click here

Here is a link that might be useful: Meaning behind roses on headstones


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

Dave, my deepest sympathies to you and your wife. What a heartbreaking time for you....may Time give you both the strength to carry on.


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

I can't imagine what you are going through. The thought of it takes my breath away.
My sincere sympathies.


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

Words seem inadequate to express the sadness I feel. My sincerest condolences to you and your wife.

Bernie


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

I'm very sorry to hear about this. Take care of yourselves.


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

I haven't been able to get your little daughter out of my mind all day. I've cried and can not imagine your pain. There are no words. Take care of each other. I am so very sorry.

Jane


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

Oh, I'm so sorry. She was a beautiful baby and I'm sure you will treasure forever the time you had with her.


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

Dave, I join the rest of our community in feeling saddened by your loss. Thank you for sharing this special part of your life with us. I feel I know you from your writings and your advice, and I am glad our cyber-community is there for you. We may not be "real life," but we cry real tears for your Dagny's loss. Tell your wife how we are thinking of the both of you with loving and healing thoughts.
Nancy


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

Dave, Though I know of you only from this forum and dear Dagny only from these photos, you and your wife and precious daughter were the last thing I thought of last night and the first thing this morning. My heart aches for you.


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

Dagny was blessed to have a Daddy that loves her so much.

It reminds me how precious our children are to us-I will be giving my daughters extra hugs and kisses today-they won't know they're from Dagny but I will...


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

Dear Dave - my prayers and long distance love go out to you and your family.

Unfortunately, I know exactly how you feel as I lost my infant son Matthew some years back.

There are no answers for this tragedy and the loss of Dagny. If there is anything I can do for you, please PM me.

Best wishes,
Doc


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

I am so, so sorry. I have no idea how people survive something like this, but I know that they do. I have been thinking the last few days about a book I read called "Possessing the Secret of Joy". The secret of joy, according to the novel, is resistance. I don't think that is correct. I think it is resiliance and vulnerability. You will bend in deep gut wrenching pain, but you won't break. You will feel joy again, but it will be a tempered joy that acknowledges pain. You will risk loving again because that's how we honor life.

You have been so generous with your advice on these message boards that we feel we know you at least a little and we are all taking this personally. You are in our prayers.


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

Your post just shook me-I am so sorry for your loss. Words are inadequate at times like these. But from the bottom of our hearts, DH and I offer our condolences to you and your family. May you find the strength and willpower to carry on and comfort each other.


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

My sincere condoleances, your loss is the worst one ever, thanks for sharing the pictures of your beautiful girl.


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

Hi Dave

I follow you here and on MF so I felt compelled to respond but I didnt know what to say. I cant imagine the pain you and your wife are suffering. I know there are no words to help but perhaps you will take comfort from the many replies you receive folks who genuinely care about you and your family. Im amazed and inspired that you found the will to share with us and I will take that as a good sign.

I worry that assigning blame is a human trait and I will pray that neither of you will blame yourselves or each other in any way. I will pray that you and your wife will find strength in each other now and for all the years to come.

I am just so sorry this happened to you.

Your sincere online friend - Jeri


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

Tears here and prayers for the family and paramedics and medical staff. Thank you for sharing and even though we do not know Why--someday we will. We will keep you on the prayer list for comfort.


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

I'm so sorry for your tragic loss, and hope the loving memories you have of your time together will someday bring you peace.


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

I've only posted on this forum a couple of times but have read many of yours. My heart goes out to you and your wife for your loss. What a precious little girl. You'll never forgot those moments spent with her.


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

My deepest sympathy goes out to you and your wife in the loss of your lovely baby daughter. You are in my thoughts and prayers.


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

Nothing compares to the sorrow of loosing a child.

My deepest sympathy.


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

You and your family are in many, many folk's thoughts and prayers as you try to cope with this tragedy. Please accept my heartfelt condolences.


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

Dave, my deepest sympathy and condolences.

Sometimes it helps to know others are out there who have had the same experience. In addition to the sids organization, Share is an organization I highly recommend. The website does not list all current groups, your doctor will have contact information. You can say as much or as little as you are comfortable with. When my son died, it was a lifesaver for me. And, if your beautiful Dagny has siblings, compassionate friends does have a siblings group.


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

I have no words to send, the best I can offer are (((hugs)))
Thinking of you and wishing you comfort and strength.


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

I couldn't even get through the pictures, I was crying so hard. I am so so sorry, words cannot express how sorry I am. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family. She was a beautiful, precious little angel. My heartfelt condolences.


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

Oh Dave, I'm so, so terribly sorry. Your family is in my prayers.


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

Dagny was clearly adored, loved and cherished during her short time with you. My sympathies to your family.


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

My dear Dave,

I am so sorry for your loss. Words are inadequate, but I just want to let you know that I am praying for you and your wife. Dagny is in heaven and you will see her again. But how agonizing for you both to go through this.

And Tricia, how awful for you also. Hopefully, the horror of it has receded enough so that you can function again.

Blessedness.

Paula


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

Dave,

So very sad to read about your daughter. There are no words...


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

Peace be with you, your wife and your family.


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

I can't even begin to imagine....Wishing comfort to you and yours from a person who only knows you by reading your name on a message board, but whose words I always chose to read.

What a beauty. Thank you for the pictures.


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

Dave, we are so sorry to read about your loss. You and your wife are in our prayers.


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your wife. My heart is breaking for your loss. My most sincere condolences are being sent.


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

Dear Dave,

Thank your for sharing your tragic story. I heard of it over on the Kitchen Table Forum.

Our first grandchild was stillborn this week, and our family is emotionally crushed. As bad as it has been for us, I cannot even imagine the terrible loss you have exprerienced, having known the joy of your healthy baby for 9 weeks already. You've lost your dear daughter, but one thing you will never lose is your love for her. That will go on forever.

Heartfelt condolences to you and your family.

Susan


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

I am so very sorry for your loss
I pray that God will comfort you and wife and family

Susan, my heartfelt condolences to you and your family also


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

Dave, I'm usually over at the Kitchen Table but wanted you to know that you and your extended family are in my parayers. I'm so very, very, sorry for your loss.

Ron


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

Although there is no way for you and your wife to find comfort from the nightmare of this horrible reality right now, I hope that knowing how many people here truly care can give you a measure of strength to help you both get through the coming days, weeks and months.

My heart goes out to you and I'm asking God to hold you close.

Suzi


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

Oh Dave, I'm so very sorry. She was a beautiful baby born to a beautiful family. Please know we all care and are saddened by this.

Acey


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

Oh, I just can't imagine what you are going through.

My thoughts are with you all.

Those we love
Don't go away
They walk beside us every day
Unseen, Unheard but always near
author unknown


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

Dave, I'm so sorry for your loss. You and your wife and Dagny will be in our thoughts and prayers.


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

This so very, very sad. I wish you and your family peace.


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

no words can express enough my heartfelt sorrow for your family's loss.


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

So sorry for your loss of a most beautiful baby girl. She was blessed to have her loving parents for such a short time and know she was loved. We just do not know why these things have to happen.

I haven't had to suffer such a tragic loss, but working as a Public Health Nurse have had to make follow up visits to parents that have had a SIDS death and it was the hardest part of my job.

Keeping you and your wife in my thoughts and prayers at this sorrowful time. Bless both of you.


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

Dave, my heart goes out to you and your dear wife in the loss of your lovely Dagny.

Surely the loss of a child is one of life's greatest tragedies, overshadowing, at least for a time, the joy and blessing of their presence. Those of us who have never known this directly can never know how it feels to you. But please know that the thoughts and prayers of many are with you.


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

Dave, I'm so sorry! Just unbelievable, so hard to even fathom a tragedy like this. My heart goes out to you and your family!


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

Dave, I'm so sorry about your daughter. SIDS is so sad and just not fair. My thoughts are with you.

Carole


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

I am so sad and sorry to hear about your daughter, Dagny. Her picture is beautiful. My thoughts are with you

Jeanne


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

My most sincere sympathies to you and your family


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

I am so sorry. I cannot imagine what you are going through but am wishing you and your family strength, love, and comfort during this time.


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

Oh Dave, I am so, so sorry. So sorry. As much as you have been here for all of us, now we are here for you. Please convey our sorrow, prayers and love to your wife and your family. I can't fathom it. I lost my dad a week before you lost your daughter, and as horrible as that was for me, I just canNOT imagine what you must be going through.

Much, much love & prayers,

Angie


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

Dave ~ My heartfelt condolences to you and your wife. I am so sorry.

Nora


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

Dave and family,

I am so sorry to hear of your loss-your story made me cry and pray for you. Your daughter died ONLY knowing comfort, contentment, and LOVE, and I hope that this gives you some comfort.

I can not understand your loss as I have not experienced death of something so precious and dear as a child.

Again, thank you for sharing your grief with us, I will continue to pray for you...


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

Dave,

Thank you for sharing Dagny's story and photos. I am so sorry to hear about this tragic loss, and send my condolences to you and your family.


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

Dave and family, What a beautiful child!! You are all in my thoughts. You have my deepest sympathy.


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

How heartbreaking! She was beautiful, and will leave you with many bittersweet memories. Deepest sympathy to you and your DW.


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

Oh, Dave, this is so heartbreaking. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

My first child, David, was stillborn 24 years ago. That gives me only the smallest glimpse into the utter heartbreak you are feeling now. I believe the magnitude of your loss must be increased exponentially, having felt the joy of Dagny's impact on your life for the last 9 weeks in addition to the 9 months beforehand.

One poster put it so beautifully, that you will know joy again, but it will be a joy tempered by the knowledge of pain. It will be a joy that you will cherish on a deeper level.

My prayer is that you and your wife will find solace in each other, and also a prayer that you are people of faith who will find solace in the knowledge of an eternal reunion with your sweet angel Dagny. That was what allowed me to walk through the agony of David's loss.

Lifting you and your family up in prayer...

-Teresa


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

Dave,
I just posted a question for you in your other forum, but it is trivial by comparison. Disregard

I didn't know about your loss, and I'm very sorry.

Kelton


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

Dear Dave and your wife,

From another thread was referred here.

Like the rest I offer you prayers, hugs and love.

Thirty Three years ago I lost my son, Jason, to SIDS after 12 weeks of his life. I also was nursing, so could not attribute anything to foods.

I have two older daughters and one daughter born a year later.

I believe my two girls helped me through this time, as they were 4 yo and 6 yo and needed me. The daily pain, smells and memories never go away--and the What If's are always there. However, you will live through this as hard as it is and your little daughter will be loved forever in your heart.

I, too, felt blessed to have had him for only a little while
"t'was better to have for only a little while than never to have had at all".

Relish your memories---with much understanding, Jacquelyn


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

Dave,
You don't know me, because a I'm basically a lurker, but I have learned much from your posts. I am so sorry for the tragic loss of your sweet baby. If I may be so presumptuous as to offer a word of advice, please try to find your way through your own pain to give comfort to your wife. She needs you now more than ever, and even though you are in your own hell, you have to find the strength to do this. I have seen too many couples who lose each other after a tragedy. As others have mentioned, counseling can be very helpful.
God bless you.


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

Dave,
I know of you from reading your posts so it's hard to imagine that I can feel such sorrow and compassion for you and your wife. I'm sure that the pain will stay with you for a very long time--forever perhaps, but pray that you will find the strength to move forward. Dagny will always be in your heart.

A cyber friend.


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

Dave,
I feel like if I lost my little girl I would fall into a vaccuum of darkness. I send my love to your family so that you can come out of the darkness. Know that your sweet little love is being well cared for by the same angels who take care of all perfect little beings. They are all happy, fat, and smiling perfect toothless smiles.


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

Dave,

I have not even visited GW in about a year, and decided to check out what was happening over here tonight. We just built a home, so spent most of my time on GW on building a home site.

I do remember your very informative and helpful posts to so many GW folks, and always thought your bubbling, happy attitude such a nice contribution to this place.

It is with great sadness that I read this post by you just now. I shed some tears for your precious baby girl, and I can not even imagine what you and your wife are going thru now. I am so very sorry for your loss.

You will be in my prayers, that the time you did get to spend with your sweet daughter will bring you a lifetime of smiles and sweet memories. That it will somehow give you a peace in the midst of this storm, as you journey your way thru life.

Hugs to you and your wife, from your friends at GW. We all love you!


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

Dave, I lurk and post occasionally on these forums. I was so saddened to read about your precious daughter and my heart goes out to you, your wife and family. Little can be said that will help, bust rest assured that there are many people out there thinking of you at this time.


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

Dave, I have read your posts here for a long time - and have been so impressed by your knowledge and willingness to share that with the faceless names on a message board.

We (said faceless names) are so priveleged that you have shared Dagny with us. Please accept my deepest sympathies for your loss.


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

Dave, just want you to know you're still in my prayers & thoughts.

/tricia


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

Dave,

I'm late to find out a/b this but my god, what a tragedy. Know that you & your wife have my deepest sympathy & condolence.


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

Dave, I usually lurk much more than I post but have read several of your informative, helpful posts in the past.

There are just no words at a time like this. Losing a loved one is so very hard but losing a precious child is beyond imaginable to most of us. Hold dear to those wonderful, loving memories you both have of your beautiful daughter Dagny and find peace and strength in each other.

Barbara


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

I haven't been on in a while and only just saw this.

Dave I am so sorry for your loss.
I don't know what else to say. I wish your wife and you strength.


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

Dave, I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful, precious Dagny. You and your wife have my deepest sympathies.


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

Dave, wanted to let you know I'm still thinking about you. I'm sure this is going to be a rough few weeks for you again.

(((HUG)))


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

Me too, Dave. I haven't been on GW for awhile and I came back to see how you're doing. We're all thinking about you and your wife and of course, Dagny.


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

Deepest heart felt wishes for you and wife to recover and stay mentally strong to each other after this tragedy.
As you are a strong person - please continue to be strong for your wife as she goes over this experience repeatedly in her head. And make sure you have a support shoulder to vent as you go over it in your head.


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

Thank you, everyone...

We were just driving ever-so-slowly along the ice encrusted Seattle roads this morning... gawking at the winterland white glory, and bawling our eyes out that Dagny isn't getting the chance to marvel at the beauty....

THEN we'd see a rugrat or two, bundled in untold layers, escorted by a grow-up, sliding & tumbling in the snow in the park... and we'd break into laughter... more tears... and more laughter...

We try not to freak people out too much...

Kids & dogs seem to have some 7th sense though... they just know... and instantly apply tender love...

Here's to warm & loving holidays to everyone here. Joanne & I appreciate you, so much!

Dave


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

Crying is part of the healing. Do it all you want.

Susan


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

Dave, I've been checking back too, to see how you are doing. You and your wife have been in my thoughts and prayers every day -- and will be throughout the holiday season. May your tears and smiles help you to find Light in the darkness, knowing that your friends at GW are holding you in our hearts. --MH


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

thanks for chiming in, Dave, all the best to you and your wife in these difficult times, it's so unfair.


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

Dave, sending you and Joanne some extra hugs in the last few days leading up to what would have been Dagny's first Christmas. My heart still breaks for you guys.

After my dad passed the only thing that really brought me comfort was the little neighbor girl, she was about 2 at the time. She just knew I needed her hugs, as soon as she came into my house. I never really gave it much thought until you wrote that, but yes, they do seem to know.

Wishing you as good as a Christmas as you can have.
I'm sure it's hard, 3 years after losing my dad, it's still hard for me; I can't imagine how hard it is for you.

Please let Joanne know you're both in my thoughts.


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

I haven't been on here in quite a while, and was thinking of you specifically (as I'm thinking about lending issues and next steps), so I logged on and saw this post.

I cried as I read, just bawled.

I am so saddened by your loss. My only hope is that in her short journey, she made such an amazing impact in the world. That world will never be the same. Look at you and your wife, you never knew love or emotion with the depth that your beautiful baby daughter brought you. She changed you forever, and I'm sure that is a wonderful thing. Those changes will live as long as you do.

I am so so sorry. As a mom, I can't imagine what you are going through.

Blessings


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

Dave:

I have not lurked or posted here for years. Something posessed me to check in and to post a question today. In the back of my mind I was thinking "I wonder if that wonderful guy "Dave D" is still active and helping others with his advice?" I am sobbing, after reading your post, Dear Dave and family. I thought that loosing my mother was the deepest pain that anyone can feel, but loosing one's child is so much worse. All the plans for the future. Gone. There is nothing as great as the gift of life.

Time will help soften the pain, but it won't ever leave you or your wife. In time, like many of us, you will create a special corner in your heart, reserved for your little girl. And you will visit that corner from time to time - remembering the good things - and, I hope, thinking about how lucky you were to have your 9 months of joy with Dagny. Those we love never really leave us. Their spirit lives on forever.

Bless you for sharing such painful and private moments with your GW friends. We will always be here for you.

All the best for a hopeful future for you and Joanne.

Lynne


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

( I was trying to click on Building A Home forum and got here instead?????? I never come to this forum.)

I am weeping for you & your dear wife. As another member of that very same club I know & share your pain.

This will be a long & difficult road. Cling to each other, cry, yell, gnash teeth, talk & maybe swear ... then one day you will have laughter, you will have a smile or two, you will have love, you will find hope.

I am profoundly sorry for you & your family.
Kimberly


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

I have not been to this forum for years... Dave, my heart goes to you and your wife... I'm so sorry I cannot describe it. Yet I believe in my heart happiness will find you and your wife in the future, so just hang on for now.


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

I just happened to come across this post after years of being a GW reader. I'd come to appreciate your knowledgeable posts Dave and was so surprised and saddened as I read this. What a beautiful girl gone too soon. Continued thoughts and prayers go out to your family. She was a lucky and blessed little girl to have a daddy like you during her brief time on earth.


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RE: Donhoff - a very lucky man... in the deepest depths of hell..

My deep, deep sympathies. What a horror for any parent. I often think that the whole gestation/birth thing is a real miracle with so many things that could go wrong. You now have an angel who is looking over both of you.


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